Oh.
Yeah.
Put the kids away folks...
...this gets graphic.
*****************
Her nails dug deep into my flesh.
Slowly...cautiously...she looked up at me from below.
"No," I said. "No more."
But she would have none of it.
Our eyes met and I knew...
I just knew that there was NO way that I could deny that face of pleasure.
I hesitated...then...
...I bent down lower to meet her.
Together, we touched.
Her small hands intertwined with mine.
I watched her as she took it into her mouth.
"I can't believe this is happening," I thought.
I looked down at her, bewildered...
...I had never done this before.
My wife stood beside me with the video camera...rolling.
You see...
...she had never seen this, either.
And we damn sure weren't going to miss this.
As I looked up, a crowd had gathered around us.
Yes...
...we were in public.
But I didn't care.
I was consumed in the moment.
And then...
...as I watched...
...she started...
...gnawing on my nuts.
(yeah...that's actually me in the photo)
"He's eating from your hand, Daddy!"
Yeah...my kids were watching, too.
I know.
I'm twisted like that when I hand-feed squirrels at Sea World.
Anyway...
My daughter wrote a diary of our Florida trip.
When she wrote about Sea World, she wrote:
"We fed stingrays, and dolphins, and sharks and a squirrel."
Yep.
A squirrel ate the nuts out of my trail mix...
...right from my hand.
Why?
What the Hell were you thinking, you sick bastards?
Friday, March 28, 2008
The Nut Gobbler
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30 comments:
Ok ok, so I have a sick mind...who cares lol. That was cute :)
(sorry If this got posted twice, my browser messed up)
I was thinking midget porn for a sec.... What a feel good story this turned out to be.
A squirrel gettin a nut. Gotta love that.
hehehe. Cute mental poo.
A squirrel once jumped on my back and scared the shit out of me...I hate squirrels.
nice. there was a family of raccoons in some shit hole southern state i was driving through that would take french fries from your hand. obviously they were somewhat domesticated, but they would just sit below you outside of the fast food resteraunt and make grabbing motions with their little hands. siiigh. so close to nature, so CLOSE to getting rabies!
Don't you know you can pass diseases that way? Disgusting!
I think I'm a little wet...
Becky: I know this. That's why I wore a condom.
On the bright side, this patch of genital warts should be clearing up any time now.
Which will make me sad...because it smells like roasted cashews.
LOL! Hello Rod, nice to meet you. From the beginning I had suspected that neither you nor your wife are Lilliputians.
Very sweet story! :-D
Very funny. I was starting to stiffen as I read the account.
See, and I was wondering about the shorts and sandals, you know is is 45 here is Southeastern MA.
Oh ain't those just the cutest little toes you ever just saw! You should show them off more frequently.
What was a squirrel doing at Sea World? Surely these are land based animals?
Oh I know - Disney have taught them some tricks - jumping through hoops, juggling nuts and singing (damm that's chipmunks) but they look kinda like squirrels.
Hey thats it! You saw a chipmunk - not a squirrel.
Jonathan
Beware of nut-nibbling rodents. They are frequently in league with sandwich-stealing ducks.
I was on the edge of my seat. This showed the sweet side of you. Awwwww.... :O)
Gee, you had me getting all turned on and now I just feel icky.
Awww...
Did you eat her afterwards?
What? I heard some Americans eat squirrels.
Awwww!!
So you're really just a *sniffles* nice guy who shares your nuts and only pretends to be all bad ass and offensive, like me?!
I knew it all along. :)
How sweet! Are ya gettin' soft on us Mooooog?
~giggling~
you've spoiled the squirrel for sure. No other nuts will suffice now.
~still giggling~
Pointing and laughing out loud: Word Verification: f NUTS g
I used to have a black squirrel that came to the back door of our house in Michigan and I fed it Chocolate. What? Squirrels like chocolate!!
BTW, those are some pasty white ass legs you got there baby.
Damn. People think I've gone soft. I'll have to post something next week about how I punched an old lady for looking at me funny.
Turns out she had cataracts.
Doggy: yeah, they're pasty. This tends to happen when you live in new england in the winter. Sure, I could go outside and tan my legs, but spending the next six hours rummaging around for my shriveled junk just isn't that appealing.
That squirrel's got a nice tail! ;)
You're so sweet to share.
Smells like roasted cashews. Tastes like chicken...
Love this!
Jesus Christ you need some sun on your legs.
Very Good Moog!
"Damn. People think I've gone soft."
I highly doubt that.
Really.
And sorry to say....I agree with Upset Waitress.
~ZZ
;)~~
Gone soft? Hell no! We all know you had raging wood to tempt the squirrel to "nest" in.
I used to take my niece to a college campus to feed the squirrels in the mornings. Those fuckers were so used to eating out of hands that they would chase you if you didn't dole out to the whole crowd quick enough. I've had them climb my legs, dive on me from a low-hanging branch, you name it. You're lucky you were there long enough for Rochelle to go let the pack know where the food-giver was. Mhm.
This was a sweet story and all, but can we talk about the gold watch and the Teevas please? C'mon now.
You certainly have a way with words...
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