These Seadead, Pazl Peace Baby Tits Smell Like Pfruoom! | Mental Poo

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

These Seadead, Pazl Peace Baby Tits Smell Like Pfruoom!


Believe it or not, my wife does not teach Special Ed.

But you'd never, ever know it...

...looking at the kids' work from her second grade class.

The last post about my wife's class pretty much cemented the fact that the kids she teaches in her inner-city class...

...well...

...might not be all there.

And here's just another example.


Here's an email I got from my wife the other day:

"When you get home, I'm going to take my tongue and..."

WAIT! WAIT!

Wrong email.

Here it is:

"Thought you might get a little laugh from this.

We were playing a game in math today and the kids had to guess what was wrapped in various size boxes. Here is the answer sheet from one of my kids.

Pay close attention to the last answer (#13).


When you get home, I'm going to take my tongue and..."


Sorry. Sorry.

She gets like that sometimes.

HOORAY FOR ME!!


Anyway...

Have I mentioned that my wife is NOT in charge of their English lessons?

No...no...

...that job is relegated to this piece of work.

Be afraid for our future, people. Be very afraid.

That said...

...here's the answer sheet from one of her kids...

...with her guesses for the contents of the boxes:


Click on the image to make it larger.

If you can't read it...

...the girl thought that Box #13 contained the following item:

BABY TITS.

I'm dreading to see my blog search results this month...

...and how many calls from the FBI I get.

Anyway...

I have no idea what a baby tit is...

...or if we have to call the Department of Social Services to this girl's house or not.

I'm also concerned that this girl would think that my wife would put an actual baby tit in a box for a math game.

A spelling game? Sure.

But a math game? No f*cking way!

Let's just clear that up now, so there's no more confusion.


I DID find out that "baby tits" is supposed to be "baby tights."

Okay.

I also have no idea what "baby tights" are...

...But I know it's still not going to help my search terms.

Welcome, weirdos!

Hello, FBI!


Anyway...

I also like these other answers she gave:


Wife: "What do you think is in the box, Shaniqua?"

Shaniqua:
"Seadead!"

Seadead.

Apparently, this is supposed to read, "CD."

The girl took a TWO LETTER ABBREVIATED ANSWER and changed it into the name of the next "Lost" episode.

"Seadead".

"CD".

Gotcha.

And immigrants wonder why we want to build a f*cking fence.

Here's another one:


PazlPease.

I'll give you a minute on this one.

Take your time.

I finally gave in and asked my wife what the f*ck this kid meant by "PazlPeace."

Wife: "That's supposed to be 'Puzzle Piece.'"

Oh.

Obviously.

Wife: "I think I need to start staying for their spelling class."

Ya think?

I think so too, hon.


Well...

...when you go to their English class, don't forget to wear this:


Because, you know...

...the right pfruoom can work wonders.

If you're stuck out there, that's "perfume."

But even I got that one.

However, if you say it how the girl spelled it, that's what the majority of my farts sound like:

*pfruooooom*

Wife: "OH..COME ON!!!"

Prfuoom.

Honey...maybe you can wear prfuoom when we go to help build that goddamn fence.

You know...

...to keep out all the illegal baby tits.

24 comments:

C.Rag said...

Awesome these kids will be paying for our social security while they look for baby tits in boxes.

The Doggy Did It said...

maybe it is just me, or my coffee is not clearing the cobwebs away yet, but, um...I don't get the boxes part.

So she had like some random boxes, and the kids had to guess what was in them? Um, how is that a math problem?

my head hurts now. I am going to go lay down.

catscratch diva said...

Oh.My.Goodness.

Our future. In these hands. On the bright side, maybe they can be presidential speech writers.

moooooog35 said...

Doggy: Good question. I thought the same thing.

However, schools these days aren't like they used to be. Teachers are TOLD how to teach...they no longer have a choice on what or how they do it. It's basically handed to them...whether they agree to it or not.

So, I'm guessing that the lesson plan she had to follow said something like:

Monday Math Lesson:

Place random PazlPeases and Prfuooms into a box and have your non-English speaking welfare-hogging children try to figure out what's in there.

This has nothing to do with math, but you should get some funny answers.

You can then break out the Pinata and have them try to count the pieces of rice that fall out.

billymac said...

i weep for our future... AND am happy that the yungins won't have the skills to take my job any time soon, so i guess it's a mixed bag.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i didnt know babies had tits... i guess i'm oggling the wrong babies

ettarose said...

Well let me tell you about a Teacher at a School we all call No Hope. A teacher was reading a story to her third grade class. The name (I know my fonts won't cover this so use your imagination)The story was pronounced rap un zell. I hope you got that. Then she read another story about JUE AWN ITA and the TORT ILLAS
I don't know about your kids but I know where ours get it. I am also tagging you for a meme and would be honored if you would play along. I have also done a Tuesday link love story and you are in it. Please stop by.

wolf said...

So do baby tits grow up to become massive tits? If that's the case, I need to take up birdwatching.

Kathleen (aka sx diva) said...

Hi,

I haven't missed you, because your poops are delivered to my inbox, but I haven't commented for a while.

It reminds me of the card I made for my mom (last week) - kiddin' fore shore.

But, I did write a card for her in grade school - it said "for my potty mom". Hmmm....She must have had diarrhea that day. Some people's kids, huh?

Douchegirl said...

I'm DEFINITELY sure that "baby tits" meant baby teeth.
I laughed so damn hard at Jeremiah's story (there was a link on today's post), my boss gave me a ster talking to about surfing the internetz at work.

HeyJoe said...

I actually got the puzzle piece one. And what's the big deal? Doesn't everyone have a box of the sea dead in their garage? Sheesh!
How judgmental!

Malach the Merciless said...

1. You wife is Special Ed teacher, she got the MOOOGE as a husband
2. Trust me, these kid would turn out MUCH worse in MA DSS custody.

The Offended Blogger said...

I think I laughed hardest at the "I wish my wife was this dirty" mini-van!

Now that's funny right there.

My hubby would *never* need to write that, I am so dirty sometimes it makes him blush. :p

Titania Starlight said...

This is truly scary. I was reading when I was freaking four! Okay, maybe I am an exception but I sure knew how to freaking spell better then that by time I was in second grade. I may have nightmares tonight over this one.

April said...

thanks for the laugh, very funny post!

Naughty Lakota said...

Meng, yewz gotz to get down with da speekz; chu know whut ahm sayin?
Yew tiez Urban Dictionario to yewz side and learn the werd. truth.

Malicious Intent said...

Kids, they are so damn cute. Makes ya wanna reproduce some more don't it? Oh wait, you can't do that anymore. Smart bastard. One 5 minute stupid attack and you would have another little mini-me running amuck.

Mike said...

Moooog... is that really a picture of your wife, and if so, why is she 8?

Gross!

AngryMan said...

Lou Dobbs is on the way to build the fence!!!

moooooog35 said...

Mike: She's not 8. She's 14, but looks younger because she uses Oil of Olay.

My OTHER wife is 8.

You should join us at the ranch.

Sugarbelly said...

I'm scared for what the world Is about to become. I'm in no way calling myself a genius but good lord, I know how to spell CD at least.

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Well, that box would have been one hell of a lucky dip if you stuck your hand in there and found a baby tit - or a seadead

missus.mint said...

love the minivan ... I can't believe the awful spelling but gawd that shit was hilarious!

Chickie said...

Hey, how did your wife get ahold of my kid's old papers?

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