Gon Fishun Y'all | Mental Poo

Monday, May 12, 2008

Gon Fishun Y'all

"Sorry folks…I’m busy getting railed in the ass by a hillbilly.

Please leave your message at the *grunt*."


As you’re reading this, I’m either on my way…or have arrived…in Mississippi for a 3-day business trip.

Oh. Joy.

Regardless, I believe that I’ve packed all the essentials for surviving in Mississippi:

1) Cutoff jean shorts
2) A houseboat
3) A flannel shirt with the sleeves ripped off
4) Chewing tobacco (also known here as “gum” or “breakfast”)
5) Fake hillbilly teeth (so I fit in)
6) Anal lube (although, I believe most hillbillies use “grits” for this)
7) Syphillis

I'm also convinced I'm going to F*CKING HATE THIS TRIP because of an email I got from one of the people I'm meeting down there.

Here is an exerpt:

"I would like to have yall's cell phone numbers so that I can contact either of you in case yall don't make it in here on time."

You're f*cking joking me.


Not only did you write the word "yall" in a f*cking cross-company email...

...but you did it TWICE IN ONE SENTENCE?!?!?

Jesus H. Christ.

I'm f*cking annoyed already.

When I see you, Jethro, I'm poking you in the eye with a f*cking stick.

See how y'all like that sh*t.


If I can, I’ll see if I can provide a couple of updates here and there when I have time…

…you know…

…in between the square dancing, banjo playing, and skeet shooting (I believe “skeet” is the Mississippi word for “African Americans”).

Later y’all.

Man…I sound stupid already.


Mike said...

I hear it goes faster if you squeal like a pig.

Good luck!

-glad he's way north of where you are!

Tawnya Shields said...

I hope you have fun in spite of your perceptions of Mississippi. I have been here for five years and still have not given into talking like them. They hate me. I am different. I had one yokel ask me where I wuz from and I told him Pennsylvania. He thought that was in Europe. I told him, "no that is TRANSYlVANIA!" AUGH!!!!!

He shook his head and thought I was still from some parts over there.

Oh please help me.

Take care and stay away from wooded areas. :o)~

AngryMan said...

You, sir, are a racist. Although you probably have good reason . . .

Malicious Intent said...

Mmmmm Mmmmmm.....have a double helping of them grits for us will ya? I hear they are good with groundhog.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

skeet skeet skeet...

you have such a purty mouth!

Anonymous said...

Gem of a post Rod! :-D

Right on the heels of this;

""Me: "So, I'll be arriving on Monday afternoon, around 5 pm or so."

Billy-Bob: "Ayun. Wellum, I think that this there's dog ain't gonna hunt."


Me: "I have no idea what you just said."

Billy-Bob: "She ain't gonna hunt! (like yelling this is helping me understand so much better) Pro'lem is just dat. If'n the bird's late, I spect this'll be all busted to Hell an' back."

*more silence*

Me: "Seriously. Is this English?"

Billy-Bob: "I F*CK SHEEP!"

No kidding.""

LOL! I still get the tickles when these lines comes to mind.

Keep well.

billymac said...

have fun... watch out for your corn-hole...

Moooooog35 said...

Well, I'm currently sitting in North Carolina (state motto: Like racing OR DIE!!!) Waiting on my delayed plane to Mississippi.

To make this even better, I apparently have to WALK to my plane across the tarmac. I hate this shit.

Angry: I am not a racist. I prefer to be called "culturally challenged." Unless you refuse to learn or speak english..(Hen I just can't f*cking stand you.




Anonymous said...

Tell my family hello for me, if you see them.

HeyJoe said...

If'en there's one thing a Mississippian likes is a squealin' pig with explosive diarrhea.

Good times.

Malach the Merciless said...

They are gonna feed y'all to the alligators

Mike said...

A friend of mine from Texas says you just have to bend over and take it like a man.

He should know. He's from Texas.

Seriously, have a good time and who knows, maybe he will call you in the morning.

Moooooog35 said...

Mimzie: Just curious...but are they the ones shooting at me?

Joe: We'll see. Worst case, I give them a mean case of stinky-dinky.

Malach: I don't think The Wooley Swamp is in Mississippi...but I'll check.

Mike: I'm no longer worried about the bum sex...but thanks for the tip.

To the rest...more horrifying tales to come...

...this place scares the bejeebus out of me.

Which is really easy to do, but whatever.

Anonymous said...

Malicious Intent, yew ain't got no idee what yew talkin bout. We ain't got no groundhawgs down hyah. Duz they taste lahk possum?

prin said...

Aw, I'm sorry I missed yaller's trip. So from what I read, you're fixin' to go back one day? :D

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