Nazis in Boston Eat Fresh | Mental Poo

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Nazis in Boston Eat Fresh


He watches way too much TV.

My son. My four year old son.

We took a ride into Boston a couple of Sundays ago, just to get the Hell out of the house.

Because parking in Boston is as much fun as watching your balls light on fire during a vasectomy, we usually take the subway in.

About halfway there, I announced:

Me: "Well, we're almost at the subway!"

Up pipes my son:


Son: "Subway. Eat Fresh."

Jared would be so proud.

Four years old, and already a pitch man.


My wife and I looked at each other and started laughing.

I offered up this:

Me: "I think someone back there watches WAY too much TV."

*silence*

Then...

Son (sighing): "I really need a girlfriend."

No idea where he got that. But it was a full 5 minutes before my wife and I could speak again from laughing.


When we got into Boston, we started walking towards Faneuil Hall.

On the way, there's the New England Holocaust Memorial. To get to Faneuil Hall, you either walk BY it, or walk THROUGH it.

We chose to walk through it.

Bad..bad idea.


To preface this, let me tell you that my kids LOVE the Indiana Jones movies.

Now, I watch it with them...and have told them that the Nazis were VERY BAD people. This was my chance to show them HOW bad.

Me: "Kids...remember how I said the Nazis killed a lot of people for no reason?"

Kids: "Yes."

Me: "Each number you see represents one person that the Nazis killed. That's a lot of people, huh?"

Kids: "All these people? Wow."

Entrenched with the feeling that I imparted some useful knowledge with my kids, we began walking through the memorial.


That's when my son...

...who has no idea how to use a low voice...

...started:

Son: "THE NAZIS KILLED ALL THESE PEOPLE?!"

People turn.

Me: "shhh...yes. Yes they did."

Son: "THE NAZIS FROM INDIANA JONES? WAS IT THOSE NAZIS?!?"



More people turn.

ALL of them are, like: "WTF?!?!"

Wife: "Make him stop yelling the word 'Nazis'."

Me: "SSHHHH. Well..not THOSE Nazis, but yes, Nazis."

We walk a little further.

Son: "I CAN'T BELIEVE THE NAZIS KILLED ALL THOSE PEOPLE."

We're attracting a crowd at this point.

Wife: "OH MY GOD...MAKE HIM STOP TALKING."

I've lost control of my son at this point. He apparently cannot stop saying the word "Nazi."


My wife is giving me the wicked stink-eye.

No nookie tonight.

Me: "Okay, Cam..that's enough."

Son: "NAZIS NAZIS NAZIS NAZIS"

Okay, so he didn't say, "Nazis Nazis Nazis" but I COULD NOT get him to stop saying the word at the top of his lungs.

The last thing he said before I demanded he stopped was this:

Son: "I know who defeated all the Nazis."

Wife: "SERIOUSLY?!?!? MAKE HIM STOP."

Me: "You do?"

Son: "Yep. God. He came out and melted them all."


Ah...Indian Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Me: "Well..um...okay. Let's not talk about this anymore."

And he stopped.

Comfortable in the knowledge that the Nazis were defeated by a guy with a hat, a whip, and a big gold box.

He really needs a girlfriend.

26 comments:

Mike said...

Yea, my mom's friend has a son who can't stop saying the word 'nazi' either.

Except he's 32.

mauniejames3 said...

When older son was three we had the talk about skin color...I don't think at that point he had ever seen any color skin but white.

He had an infection and our drug store didn't have the correct meds so we went to one in the next town..

Suddenly, I heard my son exclaiming..."it doesn't matter if your green blue brown purple or
green...God loves us all the same.

I was hoping the floor would open up and swallow him and me..

Then the older man came over and seeing my embarresment said"don't worry..I am not offended..your doing a great job with him.."

Kids wwill do that to you.didn't you wish you had a muzzle?

Hungry Mother said...

Funny, when you wrote about the subway in Boston, I started to drool too. I always call it the "T", maybe because I'm a tourist. I did live in the Boston area for 3 summers, and love the town, but I guess I'll always be an outlander there.

The Doggy Did It said...

My 4 year old is also an advertisers dream. He comes and tells us all the time that we need this or that. Last week he burst into our room and exclaimed "We need to get Sham-wow". "It can pick up a whole bottle of soda".

First we both interrogated him to make sure that he had not spilled a bottle of soda anywhere, and then both of us burst into laughter..he just looked at us...perplexed.

Buzzardbilly said...

Now, that's just adorable. Embarrassment and all.

Kimmylyn said...

The girlfriend comment may have killed me.. Thank god I have a defibrillator in my office.

GeologyJoe said...

Well at least he didn't make the connection that all those people were killed by Nazis at FUNERAL Hall.

Becky..AMHW said...

Jared is a Nazi? Why am I not surprised?

Mimzie Beaumont said...

Wait until he starts talking about hookers in church!

catscratch diva said...

Ok, that kid is so advanced for his age, it's scary.

He remembers nazis, he can quote jarod and he's already wanting to find a girlie...

moooooog35 said...

Mike: How do you know if it's him under the sheet?

Maunie: Usually...my son is good. Why I didn't impress upon him that yelling "NAZI!" over and over again in the middle of a holocaust memorial is more of a reflection of my own stupidity. Big reflection.

Hungry: Yeah..if I called it "The T" then neither my kids nor any of my readers (except the 10 from MA would know what the Hell I was talking about). As it stands, I'm not sure if "Subway" is an international chain.

Doggy: My son is now partial to the "Debbie Meyer Green Bags" when he sees them. I really need to get him outside more often.

Geology Joe: Nice link of Faneuil to Funeral. Enjoy Hell. See you there!

Becky: Yep. And the Terriyaki Chicken is code for "the sub is in the water."

Mimzie: We are SO past that. He hit that topic at age 3.

Catscratch: Tell me about it. At this rate, he'll be bringing home whores by age 9. That's a FULL YEAR ahead of schedule.

rs27 said...

Is he saying Notzi, or Nahhzi. Very important in the scheme of things. At least he didn't pretend a huge boulder was cahsing him through the cemetery.

That would have been awesome.

meleah rebeccah said...

I am cracking up...I have tears running down my face. This was hilarious.

Your poor wife!

Jen said...

Everyone east of the Mississippi should know what the T is!

Your kid is waaaay too smart for his own good. You are in for it when he gets to school!

LOVE his connection to "Raiders" with Nazis...that's who I thought the Nazis were when I was younger. Wish I would have never learned the truth.

OHmommy said...

Hysterical, I am seriously laughing out loud. ;)

AngryMan said...

Your son is awesome.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Like father like son is all I can say!

You should be proud.

Titania Starlight said...

Your son is a chip off the old block... ja?

Shit, I recall when I was in the first grade and they were asking everyone where their ancestors came from. Mine came from Germany (waaaaay before WW2) and some smart ass puck asked if I was a Nazi. What the hell?
I got them all back. I threw up my orange juice all over my desk. That will show them. :o)~

Nazis do suck though. I like you son's viewpoint of what became of Nazis.

Did that kid get a girlfriend yet?

Malach the Merciless said...

Damn those Nazis!

billymac said...

your kid rules, that is hilarious.

i actually saw jarod the subway douche in a steakhouse in chicago... he was not eating a six inch.

Slick said...

Kids....what you gonna do??

And why is that our wives get mad at US when they act up?

I never understood it

PracticallyJoe said...

I think your son has a future as a History Teacher ... Take him to Salem next and let him have a field day with the witch burnings! ... Great Post ... and a fun family.

Meghan said...

A Subway sub a day keeps the Nazi's away. Or something like that.

moooooog35 said...

Meghan: NICE!! They should use that.

Billymac: Jared wasn't eating a six-inch? Question is: was he eating it the long way? I bet he was.

Prin said...

He needs to watch more nazi movies to get a more rounded view of what a nazi is. Those Indiana Jones ones were mild compared to the real ones. Maybe your little boy should watch something like Shindler's list.

I haven't seen it though. Too scary and upsetting.

BadLarry said...

You think that's embarrassing?

When I was 16 I got roped into babysitting my twin 3 1/2 year-old nephews. They were just at the point of figuring out their bodies and not the least bit shy of doing so in public. I had to run to the local grocery store for a quick errand and of course they had to come too.

Fast forward to me searching the aisle for the one item I came for when from further on down the aisle (in a very crowded grocery store may I add) I hear a little voice scream, "Hey look what I can do!"

I turn, hoping to see one of my nephews happy that he's finally tall enough to reach something he wants on the shelf, or something otherwise innocuous.

No.

He had his trousers and underwear down to his knees and was doing what I can only describe as "hardcore heavy metal guitar strumming" with his wang.

Me and about 10 to 15 nice little blue-haired old ladies got treated to an impromptu "groin jam" by my nephew.

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