Now I Can Sleep Peacefully | Mental Poo

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Now I Can Sleep Peacefully

I'm psyched.

According to the email I just got:

I don't have to worry about fitting into that bikini this Spring!

Hooray for me!


Apparently, these people don't read this blog and realize that I just spent the last month and a half VIOLENTLY cleansing my colon by way of explosive diarrhea.

By the way...a violent colon cleansing has the opposite effect on the toilet you're sitting on.

Not. So. Clean.

Regardless...

Two other notes:

1) Being a guy, I'm not sure that going out in public wearing a bikini (regardless how Shizzam! I look in it) is okay, and...

2) If I actually looked like the woman in this picture, I wouldn't leave the house anyway.

I'd be busy...you know...doing stuff to myself.

Screw the bikini.

Hand me that cucumber.

24 comments:

AngryMan said...

The thought of you in a bikini is making me vomit uncontrollably. I hope you're happy.

Midleah said...

I'll allow it. You man-scape, right?

catscratch diva said...

I think you'd be dead sexy in a pink bikini, doll.

moooooog35 said...

Angry: You lie. You know you want the midgetman. Once you go short...you never go long.

Midleah: Of course, baby. Squeaky clean.

Catscratch: You're so right. Although, I'm partial to lime green. It brings out my male camel toe.

The Doggy Did It said...

Eh, that chick needs boobs.

Blonde Goddess said...

Yeah I know what you mean. I'm a girl and I never leave the house...except for batteries.

Buzzardbilly said...

You know you dream of taking Mankini's job on The Soup.

Just Bob said...

Free "trail" not "trial"?

Nice spellcheck!!!

Mimzie Beaumont said...

If I were small enough to fit into a bikini I would just walk around nekkid all the time. I think that's why God made me fat. Because he knew otherwise I would be a stripper or hooker.

Malach the Merciless said...

Get a thong, post a pic!

Blonde Goddess said...

Ok...so in between doing things to myself, I did that 10 things meme.

It's your fault...I'm just saying...

Tequila Mockingbird said...

"free trail"? like trail of hair? PASS. as a woman, it's mine and every other woman's duty to shave, wax, pluck, burn, nair every bit of body hair upon them. anything other than looking like a prepubescent 10 year old is UNACCEPTABLE!

Chickie said...

If I actually looked like the woman in this picture, I wouldn't leave the house anyway.

Sure you would. After a few months with the cucumber, it would be like doing someong that you don't like.

moooooog35 said...

Doggy: True...but not a deal-breaker.

Blonde: You know, you can get batteries delivered. PLUS, you'd have extra mental fodder from the UPS Guy.

Buzzardbilly: F'ing ay...now I'm going to have to Google sh*t to figure out what you're talking about.

Bob: Nice catch. However, you get points taken away from reading instead of looking at the chick in the bikini.

Mimzie: Let us know when get to bikini size...and what establishment (or street corner) we can find you at. Thanks in advance.

Malach: Just post the ones you took from our magical weekend in the Hampshires. Slut.

Blonde: Thanks for playing! Everyone else...GO!

Tequila: A little hair is fine...it usually gives us a point of reference in the dark. Otherwise, I could be poking the spot between your toes for all I know.

Chickie: I'll take that chance. They make other veggies, you know.

Mike said...

Moooog

If you looked like the girl in that picture, you wouldn't be doing stuff to yourself.

I'd be doing stuff to you.

Just sayin.

moooooog35 said...

Mike: Am I still a guy in this fantasy...or am I post-op?

Um...

I'm afraid I've broached a subject that I can no longer dig myself out of.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Please tell me it won't be a string bikini since, you know, you have had poopy problems and all.

rs27 said...

That girl in the phot looks 12. I'm not sayin' I'm just sayin.

Mike said...

I need to get my glasses checked. I thought it said free tail and I was all over it.

Damn this bad eyesight.

Buzzardbilly said...

I cannot believe you do no watch The Soup with Joel McHale(formerly Talk Soup). It's one of our faves. Mankini is a bit character on the show who is a man wearing a bikini top. It is his job you wish to steal.

Malicious Intent said...

Hehehe...you said Shizzam.

PracticallyJoe said...

Looking dry, she was obviously backing into the pool until she saw the typo and didn't know what to make of it.

meleah rebeccah said...

I cant believe you managed to bring back the word Shizzam.

Prin said...

I don't know any 12 year olds who are afraid of wearing a bikini.

Go for it Moooog!

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