In the Future I'm Taller | Mental Poo

Monday, May 19, 2008

In the Future I'm Taller


"Ten Things."

Or...as they say in Spanish:

"Ocho Amigos Enchilada."

(never hurts to add a little culture to the posts)


Anyway...

I saw this on “Misfit Mania’s” site…and thought:

Man…I have to pee.”

(I drank a lot of coffee that morning)

Actually, I thought:

This should be fun. Man…I have to pee.”

(I told you…seriously...I drank, like, 5 cups)

Anyway…

The task is this:

List ten things that you would like to say to people one day.


I did not see any rules here…

...so I’m assuming that this does NOT have to be based in reality.

This is a good thing...as I barely spend any time there.

So…

In no particular order, here are:

10 Things that I would like to say to people one day:

(sorry..that was a little over-dramatic)


1) "Wow...those penis enlargement pills REALLY WORK!"


This is good news...

...as it validates the $300 I just spent on these f*ckers.

If there was a "1a" it would be: "Wow...I just got to use my new giant penis!"


2) “I just had a threesome with Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba.”

3) “Why yes, that IS my 12 inch penis in your ear.”

(said to either Scarlett Johansson or Jessica Alba)

(also see #1 for reference)




4) “Ladies and gentlemen...I introduce to you my butler...MR. BILL GATES!!"


(Bitch owed me money)


5) “Yes boss, that IS my steaming pile of shit on your desk.”


6) “..and that's how I killed Osama Bin Laden using the super computer that I invented to create a cure for cancer."

That's right, baby.

I'm THAT awesome.


7) “I appreciate the gift, son. But I wanted a yellow Ferrari, not a red one.”

Ungrateful little sh*t.

Kids.

8) “Stick that in my ass again, and I’ll kill you.”


Wait..wait…scratch that last one.

(unless I'm also saying it to Scarlett Johansson or Jessica Alba)

Fine...new #8:

8) “Wow. The Playboy Mansion is everything I thought it would be.”


9) “I’m five-foot-THREE! I’m five-foot-THREE! Finally! Finally! I'm five-foot-THREE!!”


10) “Happy 50th Anniversary, honey. Here…you can take my red Ferrari.”

Seriously...I wanted A YELLOW ONE.

It's like my son doesn't even know me.

Anyway...

Please note that there’s a distinct possibility that #10 will not happen.

This is primarily because of numbers 2, 3, and 8 (either #8...it doesn't really matter).

Here’s to hoping, though.

Love ya, hon!


************************

If you're interested in doing this, have at it.

I don't tag people ever since I got teased in the 8th grade for actually playing tag instead of smoking pot with the rest of the kids.

This is also why I have "a list."

Just link back to whoever you got the idea from.

It's the nice thing to do.

Enjoy.

15 comments:

Hungry Mother said...

Fabulous list. Thanks for all of the Monday morning chuckles.

AngryMan said...

I did have a threesome w/Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson. It was totally unbelievable.

catscratch diva said...

You've been married how long already???

Honey if she ain't left yet for your fantasies, she's not goin anywhere...

I'm sure it's the hope that she'll end up with a pimped Ferrari...

billymac said...

i would like to say:

"don't mind the freakin shark with the freakin laser on it's freakin head, my secret lair is in this direction."

Blonde Goddess said...

I will consider doing this 'list' thing but normally I'm not highly motivated unless I've received adequate spankings to motivate me.

AND if I do decided to do the 'list' I will link back to you...

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I was wondering what I was gonna post about next.Now I know.

You need mental help as always.... but this had me laughing *hard.So maybe I am the one who needs to seek a shrink.

Anyways,thanks for making my sides hurt...

Malach the Merciless said...

I smell a slow news weekend blog here!

Becky..AMHW said...

I stood next to Chris Isaak and said nothing. There was nothing to say. There was only his aftershow sweat to smell and the throb of all of my matronly bits.

The only reason I write this is because your "it's the nice thing to do" admonition reminded me of it.

Sigh...

Buzzardbilly said...

I've sent you a Dear Moog question. :)

(And soon you shall know why it was difficult for me to type this....and get your minds out of the gutter people, one-handed typing is not involved here.)

C.Rag said...

Ear sex is so hot.

mauniejames3 said...

good morning...you are one funny duck...really...I don't know if I'll do the list..anything I write will sound too schoolmarmish

moooooog35 said...

Wow...just realized that I totally ignored everyone yesterday.

Here goes (deep breath...hacking cough):

Hungry: No problem. Leave the money on the dresser on your way out.

Angry: ...awaiting pics. Please airbrush yourself out ahead of time. Thanks in advance.

Catscratch: 13 years this October. Yeah..she deserves WAY more than a Ferrari. Still won't get it...but she deserves it.

Billymac: OOH! OOH! Can I play the role of mini-me?!

Blonde: ..warming up my ping pong paddle now. Get ready...

Prepo: You said "hard."

Malach: Yeah..well...when all you've got to talk about is Obama's entourage and Hillary's cankles, you get what you get.

Becky: (puzzled look)

Buzzard: Thanks. I read your letter. Jesus H. Christ...could you make it any longer? You should have started it with, "Call me, Ishmael..."

C.Rag: No doubt. And with my little wiggly, I can get all the way down to the ear drum!! BONUS! (there's fluid in there!)

Maunie: Not sure if I've ever been called a funny "D"uck...I'm guessing that was a typo.

A Martini Always Helps said...

Wait, I'm still confused by that top picture.....is that like, a a bullet-proof cup? Who is that protecting?

Malicious Intent said...

grrrr, I left a message yesterday and it's not here.

Prin said...

Aw, I feel bad for you getting a red one when you wanted a yeller one. :( I guess your wife (in the future) didn't raise your son right (in the future). Tsk.

Related Posts with Thumbnails