Wife Swap - XXX Edition | Mental Poo

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Wife Swap - XXX Edition

I just hope Vanna White can turn the balls.

(I'll give you a moment to marvel at this picture):


Let me explain.

In light of my near-death-gangsta-bullet-finding-hillbilly-violation trip to Jackson, Mississippi...

...I've come to the following EARTH-SHATTERING conclusion:

I HATE my job.

I hate it more than Lindsay Lohan hates sobriety.

That's a lot.


Actually, I came to this conclusion a while ago.

So much so, that I wrote a whole post about what it would be like to work in the porn industry.

"Shoot for the stars," I always say.

In this case, I mean it literally.

Mooge shooting EVERYWHERE.


But I digress...

...I was mentioning this fact to my friend, Kristin, over Instant Messenger the other day.

Here's how it went:

*******************************

midgetmanofsteel: I hate my job

Kristin: me too

Kristin: can we think of some movie to write or like reality tv show idea or something?

Kristin: there aren't any reality porn shows...that would be original

midgetmanofsteel: NICE!

***************************

This begins the brainstorming session of what titles to have for our...

(drumroll please)

Pornographic Reality Series!

(fine...so maybe that was a little dramatic)

**************************************
WARNING:

Some of these may offend you.

(I know of at least one that offends me...and sh*t, I helped come up with them)

But...as the song says:

"If you don't know me by now....you will never something something something..."

(I don't listen to that crap)

You've been warned.
**************************************

Here are some titles for our Porno Reality Series that Kristin and I came up with:

1) "So You Wanna Be a Porn Star"

2) "So You Think You Can Get in My Pants?"

3): for the athletic: "F*cking with the Stars"


4) for the adventurous: "Survivor - AIDS Edition"

5) a game show for Cubans: "Miami Dink"

6) "What to NOT Wear"

7) "Deadliest Catch" - yep...it's still about crabs

8) "Dirty ____jobs" (hand, blow, foot, etc., etc.)

I'm guessing that Mike Rowe would have more fun on my version.


Then...reality actually set in.

There's already been a porn reality show.

I know this...because I Googled it.

Damn you, GOOGLE!!

DAMN YOU TO HELL!!



I'm PISSED that someone came up with this idea already.

I'm also pissed because I never watched it...

(apparently, Entertainment Weekly doesn't cover pornographic shows...which is now reminding me to cancel my subscription)

...and I had also thought of these gems for alternate show titles:

1) The A-Glazing Face

2) Fear F*cker

3) Squeal or No Squeal

4) The Simple Life (yeah..I know..but it still stars Paris Hilton)

5) Project Runaway

6) Extreme Bendover - Homo Edition


So, I've got some titles.

Kristin and I just need some money and some whores to get the ball rolling.

Interestingly enough, that's also all I needed to get a bad case of genital warts.

Crazy ironical.

Anyway...

Help wanted.

Inquire within.

31 comments:

AngryMan said...

Good luck on your new career. I see you as the next Larry Flint.

Polgara said...

We have a show here called "Beat the star"
It would have better content in your world
Pol x

moooooog35 said...

Angry: I appreciate that. However, I'm not so keen on being a cripple.

Polgara: "Beat the Star" could also be a show where contestants kick actors' asses. You know...for starring in crap like "Saved by the Bell" or anything starring Ted Danson after "Cheers."

Blonde Goddess said...

Is there money involved here?
I have no gag reflex and honestly I knew someday it would work to my advantage...

Thanks Moog and Kristen for making this poor white girl's dreams come true!

The Doggy Did It said...

I hate reality TV, but I love porn...I feel so confused.

Jen said...

I love the "Beat the Star" show concept!
It's scary how many of your shows could star Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears....the list is endless.

Midleah said...

Are those gay dudes posing in a Walmart parking lot???

I love good irony.

Kimmylyn said...

"Deadliest Catch" .. I was seriously thinking I would something like Dealist Snatch.. staring Paris Hilton

moooooog35 said...

Blonde: Please expand on this "no gag reflex" thing. Not that I'd hit it or anything...but the details would be good.

Doggy: Join the club. I'm confused 24/7.

Midleah: Someone is spending WAY too much time at Walmart to recognize that.

Kimmylyn: NICE ONE. "Deadliest Snatch" - ironically, this is also narrated by Mike Rowe (who makes his second appearance on my station). We're in talks with Discovery on getting his ass in here now.

Andrew said...

Moog, I seriously admire your enthusiasm. Instead of a Porn Reality Series, how about a Porn Game Show instead?

Here's a few titles to get your juices flowing:

Win, Lose or F*ck
The Weakest Dink
Porn Idol (Kind of combining game show/reality show on that one)
You Don't Know Jack-off

Ok, maybe I'll leave the names or you...

billymac said...

"Extreme Bendover" hilarious...

Kevin Smith's new movie is eerily familiar to this concept...

moooooog35 said...

Andrew: NICE. I think we can expand on my previously posted "Home Version" of these games:

http://midgetmanofsteel.blogspot.com/
2007/11/fck-em-sck-em-robots.html

I'm too stupid to figure out how to insert the whole link in here using HTML code...so deal with it.

Billymac: Yeah..came up with that one at the last minute. I'm especially proud of my Font match in the picture.

Douchegirl said...

Hey Moog!
I LOVE your blog. I'm here EVERY SINGLE DAY (even if I never comment). Thanks for the link!

Extreme Bendover - Homo Edition. How do you come up with these things? I literally LOL'd and stuff.

Is it sad that one of my favorite shows ever is Deadliest Catch? The real one.

catscratch diva said...

I either want to have a supporting role or be a stage hand...

get it...

Stage. Hand.

Mike said...

I'm surprise you didn't come up with 'make me moooog' staring you.

Still time!

wolf said...

If you can land a reality porn gig starring Vanna White, I'd set my Tivo. I don't even have a Tivo, but if I did, I'd set it.

Omyword! Did I Say That? said...

"I just need some money and some whores..."

Oh God. I had to laugh. This is the most classic man line of all time.

But, then again, there's Win, Lose or F*ck. That made me laugh too.

Malach the Merciless said...

Yeah if you ever watched that show . . . it was really bad.

HeyJoe said...

I'd certainly upgrade my cable package for some of these gems.

Also, I'm willing to lend my money shot talents to the cause. It's a little known fact but I used to be a professional stunt glazer.

moooooog35 said...

Douche (sounds weird): Thank you. Deadliest Catch...awesome show. Nothing like watching crabs on TV...unless it's on the Spice Channel...at which point it's just icky.

Catscratch: Done and done.

Mike: I'll take this under advisement. Have to swing that one by the wife, though.

Wolf: You and me both, brotha...you and me both. Can I buy a vow..a vowwww...a voowwwwaaaaahhhhh.

Omyword: Thank you. We're here to please. Unfortunately, I'm really fast at it.

Malach: What show? Where? When? Great...now I sound like Vinny Barbarino.

HeyJoe: wasn't "Stunt Glazer" it's own show? Wait..wait..."Star Blazers" - nevermind. But, HEY, new show title!

rs27 said...

The fact that there is no show titles How I Did A Mother is an outrage to mankind

moooooog35 said...

rs27: Agreed. This is why I have readers with fingers who can type this sh*t.

On a technicality, though...we're doing reality show titles.

Although "How I Did a Mother" is also - ironically - the title of my new autobiography...it is not technically a reality show.

Unless you can include the videos I found under my parents' bed in 1976...then maybe you can get an exception.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Now will these be on pay per view or what?

I am rolling pennies as we speak...

HeyJoe said...

I thought it was "How I did YOUR mother."?

Miss J said...

"If you don't know me by now... you will nevah evah evah know me, whooo hoo hoo hoo hooo"
- some sucky band. Simply Red, mebbe? I dunno.

PracticallyJoe said...

How about a Porn Reality Series for beginners , you know ... "want-to-be pornstars" ... You can call it ... "So You Think You Can Fluff"

moooooog35 said...

PrePo: Is that a roll of pennies in my pocket...or am I happy to see you? Actually...it's pennies.

HeyJoe: Dad?

Miss j: Not enough words here to say, "I don't care."

PracticallyJoe: Excellent. You could also do gross fluffing eating challenges and work it into "Fluff Factor."

meleah rebeccah said...

I HATE my job.

I hate it more than Lindsay Lohan hates sobriety.

That's a lot.


Wow. You REALLY DO hate your job!


These titles are priceless. Ill see if I can round up some whores for you....

angel said...

those are fargin hysterical!
even though its been done- i'm sure another version would be a hit dude!!!

Prin said...

lol @ ironical. :D

I was expecting "The Orifice". Sadly, disappointed.

Whatever you call it, don't tell your wife who wins. Oh wait, I'm not supposed to know that yet.

DarkAngelMe said...

Never have a considered a career switch as much as i am right now. And being a (real)film producer, might even talk to people who know people. Thanks for the laugh!

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