Really? A F*cking Spaceship? | Mental Poo

Monday, June 02, 2008

Really? A F*cking Spaceship?


It’s time once again for Moog’s Movie Reviews!!

...where my opinion is about as useful as George Bush's college degree.

So...yeah...

...not so much.

Today I'm reviewing:

Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull


Fresh on the heels of the super-awesome-boner-inducing thrill ride that was Iron Man...

(see my review here)

...I was pretty pumped to see this one as well.

And...unfortunately...

...so were my kids.


Before I get into it, let me say this:

I WILL GIVE YOU SPOILERS HERE.

However, I will not give out the ending (as I've already done it in the title...HA HA!!).

If you just want my score...head to the bottom NOW.


That said...here's why you should never take TWO children (ages 4 and 7) to a PG-13 movie:

1) I had to explain to them what "Roswell" was

2) I had to explain to them what a nuclear bomb was

3) I had to tell my son 26 times to "sit down or I WILL TAKE YOU HOME RIGHT NOW!"

4) I had to explain every single plot point...TWICE

This last point - explaining the plot twists - really, really sucked because I was seated in the middle of my kids.

As such, my head moved side to side more than Paris Hilton when she met the Backstreet Boys.


I'm sure this made for a wonderful movie-going experience for the people behind us...

...and the 90-year old coughing (SERIOUSLY DUDE...eat a f*cking lozenge!!) guy in front of us.

Back to the review...

With all this said, I thought the movie was okay.

I'm just glad that my wife decided to stay home...

...otherwise, I would have to go see some bullsh*t movie with Jennifer Aniston in it just to make up for taking her to it.


Here's the bottom line:

Harrison Ford:
The guy is STILL awesome. Not as many funny one-liners as we're used to...but he's still worth watching.

Shia LaBeouf:
Not a bad turn, although I liked him better in Transformers.


Which leads me to:

Megan Fox:
Unlike Shia LaBeouf, she's in Transformers but NOT in this movie...so you lose a WHOLE SPLAT right there.


Karen Allen:
GMILF. I actually think she looks better in this movie than in "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

It looks like age has also given her boobs, which were seriously lacking in the first movie.

Spaceship:
There it is.
There's a f*cking spaceship in this movie. Now you know.

Given this, I would think that if Spielberg and Lucas did the same old "now he's in the jungle...now he's in a cave...now he's being chased...now he's back in the jungle.." there wouldn't be a whole lot new to the franchise and people would have bitched.

They've added a little sci-fi to it...which can be good and bad.

In my case...it was more like:

"..what the...?"

A little Megan Fox wouldn't have hurt, though.

**************************

My Score:

Two and a half Mooge splats
(out of a possible four)


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To see my other movie reviews, you can click here.

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18 comments:

AngryMan said...

I think it may be time to sell your kids off so you can go watch a movie once in a while.

Jen said...

At least you weren't at "Sex and the City" like some of the p-whipped guys I saw Friday night!

moooooog35 said...

Angry: I'm on it. They've been on Craig's List for years now. No takers. I may need to post photos.

Jen: Writing THAT review now...stay tuned. I mention the word "vagina" in it a LOT (that's called a "teaser").

The Doggy Did It said...

I am not really into chicks, but I would TOTALLY DO Megan Fox...she is HOT.

billymac said...

yeah... that was a big WTF with the E.T. sheeeeeiit. You could tell that douche-tool Lucas was in on the screenplay.

PracticallyJoe said...

Thanks ... Great movie review ... You totally sold me ... I'm off to rent Transformers!

Mike said...

At least your wife wasn't with you.

From the description you gave, you had to describe the plot less often and in less detail than with a woman.

What the hell is up with that anyways?

You're both watching the same thing at the same time but for some reason you have to explain it again and again to her.

Any woman that says women are more intelligent, well, try again ;)

rs27 said...

Another reason I won't see this movie.

That and how is there no Megan Fox!

Blonde Goddess said...

Mr.Man saw the movie and said the ending was stupid.
I'm just telling you what he said.
BUT he did admit that he still enjoyed the movie...he just didn't like the ending.

Now I will drink in celebration of your movie review.
AND...I know what that term means and I have enjoyed the experience on many occasions...I just liked the title.

Pervert...

:)

meleah rebeccah said...

You share the same exact sentiments as my father with respects to this movie.

He was PISSED about the UFO's

Becky..AMHW said...

I liked the movie. It wasn't horrible. It wasn't Oscar worthy. It's just what I expected which is nice. It won't give you heartburn.

The HELL I'm going to see Sex in the City. Buncha dumb twats. Didn't watch the show, don't care about the movie. I don't need more maxi pads thanks.

Becky..AMHW said...

Plus, I don't see whats wrong about the UFOs. If the Ark of the Covenant can melt people's faces and the holy grail can fix almost everything that is wrong with Sean Connery, there can be UFOs.

Plus I liked that Harrison Ford was playing over 60. He wasn't over 60 playing 35.
CoughcoughSylvesterStallonecoughhhhh.

OHmommy said...

Aniston... a movie horror?

Sorry. But you have lost yourself a reader.

Teasing. Well kinda of. ;)

Baba Doodlius said...

** MORE SPOILERS ALERT **

Anybody who has had enough spoilers about this movie already should skip this comment, but at this point I doubt it will make any difference.
-----------------------------

Well *of course* there was a spaceship in it! The ending would have made no sense *without* a space ship. I mean, look at the pop-culture references they had in this movie:

1) Area 51
2) Roswell
3) Crystal skulls
4) Nazca lines

All of these things have *tons* of conspiracy-theory press about how they are involved with space aliens. Seriously, google any of them and all you'll get will be a vertitable assload of web sites about space aliens. If the movie had ended with anything *but* an alien spacecraft would have been out of place.

That being said, I liked this movie. Not spectacular, but right in line with what I expected. Fun and popcorn.

moooooog35 said...

Doggy: ME TOO! We're like peas in a pod...except we're not peas...and..um..no pod.

Billymac: Glad I'm not alone here.

PracJoe: Enjoy. Remember to pause at the scene where she's "fixing the car"

Mike: Small miracles, Mike. Small miracles.

rs27: We need to start a "Hire Megan Fox" revolution!! Who's with me?!? Anyone? Anyone?

Blonde: I kinda figured.

Meleah: Great. I'm in line with your 60-year-old dad. Nice way to make a guy feel young.

Becky: Amen on the Sex and the City. But FOR SHAME on the Stallone comment!! FOR SHAME!!

OHMommy: Seriously...the only movie I saw that was SOMEWHAT decent was "The Breakup" and it's only because it had Vince Vaughn in it. Otherwise, she'd be better served by giving us nude scenes (thanks in advance, Jen, if you're reading this)

Baba: Indy + Space Ship = stupid. 'Nuf said. I didn't say it was a BAD movie...I just think that a spaceship was a little over the top. OK..WAY over. I mean, Shia LaBeouf being "cool" is one thing...but a UFO? How believable is THAT?!

lacochran said...

I think your kids were sitting next to me when I saw this. They were irritating but still more entertaining than Indy, sadly enough. Don't even get me started on the freakin' refridgerator stunt much less the Tarzan shtick. Foy!

Michele said...

I totally agree. I was super hyped to see this movie, and while it was good, I was dissapointed. I was not amused with the whole spaceship idea.

Oh yeah I'd forgot about the fridge and Tarzan crap like lacochran said. Plus the ants? WTF? Was that neccessary?

Malach the Merciless said...

Hey, Lucas is just tying into "Star Wars: Clone Wars" which starts Aug 15th

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