Dear Moog: Have a Ball | Mental Poo

Friday, July 11, 2008

Dear Moog: Have a Ball

It's another time for an exciting episode of "Dear Moog"...

...where you can't spell "Advice" without a "vice."

You also can't spell it without "Adv," either...but that didn't make much sense.

I am not responsible for any stupid sh*t you do to yourself or others as a result of taking any of my advice seriously. There, I think that covers it.

You've been warned.

Today's letter comes from Catscratch Diva:

Dear Mooooog,

Sometimes women have one tit bigger than the other tit.

Is this the case with men and their nads?



Dear Catscratch:

First off, thanks for your question.

Secondly, next time you write such a question, please include examples of what you're talking about. A visual usually helps with the thought process.

(However, if any of these visuals include Roseanne Barr or Oprah, you can just hold right the f*ck off)

Thanks in advance.

Regardless, this letter came with impeccable timing.

The other day, I was actually in the shower preparing to manscape, when I notice that my right nut had inexplicably disappeared.

Me: "What the Hell? Where's my right nut?"


Wife: "Did you just ask where your right nut was?"

I had no idea she was in the bathroom.


I've actually seen this happen a couple of times - but ONLY SINCE MY VASECTOMY.

No idea what the guy did when he hacked me up...

...but he certainly scared the shit out of my right ball.

Now, everytime I approach it with a Mach3 razor:


He disappears.

Leaving lefty all alone to fend for himself.

Poor Lefty.

Poor, silky smooth Lefty.

That's my story. I have no idea if other guys have mismatched sacks or not.

(wondering how many people will come up upon this site after mistyping "mismatched socks")

I don't swing that way and tend to avert my eyes when a testicle that's not mine makes an appearance.

Maybe another guy in the studio audience can help.

Just don't attach any pictures.


There you go! Yet another exciting episode!

I have a "Dear Moog" link on the top right of my page, or you can email me here.

Want bad advice? Want sh*tty answers?

You've come to the right place.

Drop me a line.

And don't forget to check out my other articles at Scrivel.

Moog out.


Mike said...

So, not only do you have to let your tailor know which way it hangs, but you're unbalanced?

FreeOscar said...

From my vast experience, one ball hangs lower than the other.

AngryMan said...

C.Rag has balls? Creepy.

Narm said...

I found that girl's missing boob but I'm keeping it.

Finders keepers, loser's teeters.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Righty making a break for it is the best thing I've seen all day. He should have his own blog. Imagine the adventures he could find?

Malach the Merciless said...

What about my third ball

Anonymous said...

Sweet Jesus. A third nut?

I'm glad to know that hangin low is a problem for both genders.

Not that I have that problem.
My boobs hang perfectly since 1995.

Moooooog35 said...

Malach: Luckily, I swing my peter to the other side, so it all balances out.

Narm: Don't forget...shellac it to preserve it's freshness!

Mizmie: OMG - awesome idea. It would be like Flat Stanley. We could call it, "Lumpy McNut."

Malach: Are you sure it's just not the tip of your wiggly you're looking at? I make that mistake sometimes when it's cold.

Cat: Um...what the F were they doing in 1994?!

Anonymous said...

I was talking to one of the lads I know, and he said once he was, how do I put it, masturbating, and he scratched one of his ballocks with his nail. The scratch got infected and his entire ball swelled up. So for a little while at least, he had uneven nads.

Rahul said...

This post was the balls.

LBluca77 said...

You forgot to include people that have a third nipple, or actually a nubbin.

Unknown said...

Omy... LOL! I definately have to find time for your archives!

The Absent Minded Housewife said...



No. No photos.

HeyJoe said...

I think the smaller boob has just been sucked on more, ergo deflated.

Hungry Mother said...

I hate uneven breasts unless one is bigger than the other.

Moooooog35 said...

Kath: Thanks. I may never bite my nails again.

Rs27: I prefer to think it's got sack.

lbluca: You know what they say: third ariola's a charm. Wait...that may be wrong.

tocco: Enjoy!! They're in chronological order according to the Greek alphabet in reverse order of time.

Becky: Your real problem is the wooden leg. You need to have that taken care of, and the rest will follow.

heyjoe: suck on those things?

hungry: beggars can't be choosers unless you choose to beg. I have no idea what that means.

HeyJoe said...

Mmmmm titty + dippin' sauce = nummy nummy

OHmommy said...

I just asked my husband ....

and now he thinks I want to get it on tonight. Many thanks.

Anonymous said...

LOL... those are very funny pics... you just made my day. Thanks!!!

Josh said...

What the hell? I was just browsing the internet looking for clever ways to deal with my not so small mismatched sock problem and this is the perversion I run across? Well I say, "Good Day! to you, sir!"

Malicious Intent said...

I know in the case with my hubby one does hang lower than the other, and one had disappeared on us before. (We must have scared it.) But I cannot say for sure if one is bigger than the other.
Perhaps we should look into that.

Practically Joe said...

Firstly ... I never met a woman with one breast bigger than the other ... I have however met some with one breast smaller than the other ... That's almost similar, right?

Secondly ... What the hell are you doing with a razor down there in the first place!!!

Lastly ... Check out ... I have something there for Mr. Mooog.

Unknown said...

If you're going for tea you want two bags not one.

Anonymous said...

the term 'mismatched sacks' is sofa king funny I cant handle it.

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