The Happy Homeless Birthday | Mental Poo

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Happy Homeless Birthday

Couple of things today:

First off, there is Derek's review of "The Dark Knight" (to accompany my review of it) and my "First List of Suck" over at "Moog's Movie Reviews."

If you're not interested in reading them, I simply wish you a horrible life-changing disfigurement.

I mean, um, it's hard feelings.

Secondly, I need to wish my wife a public belated birthday message.

Her birthday was last Thursday - which occurred on our trip to Seattle.

I got her this:

Of course, everyone erupted in cheers because my wife Jen is so popular in Seattle.

(The above sentence may not have actually happened)

On top of this, she got:

1) A Seattle Mariners tote bag
2) A baseball with little balloons printed on it
3) ..and a $5 coupon for anything in the ballpark.

She got a hot cocoa with the coupon.


As an extra bonus, we got to give our Cheesecake Factory leftovers to a homeless guy sitting in an alley that smelled like pee.

This was especially humorous because our leftovers were pasta.

And we forgot to ask the waiter for eating utensils.

Me (to homeless guy): "Here you go, Mr. Homeless guy...enjoy."

Homeless guy: "What the..? How the f*ck am I supposed to eat this farfalle?!?"

*We run away*

(I love tricking hobos)

Cocoa, a baseball, stinky pee homeless feedings, and your name up in lights.

What more could a woman ask for?

Yeah...probably a little more than the cocoa.

Happy Birthday, Jen. I love you.



FreeOscar said...

Did she also got the lovin' Rod in Seattle too?

Christina_the_wench said...

You make my heart all warm and fuzzy and shit. Awww.... lucky girl, lucky girl.

Malicious Intent said... are so romantic and giving and really put a lot of thought into those presents.


Going Like Sixty said...

ummm, don't look now, but your hobo has a computer! Check out recent readers!!!

Moooooog35 said...

C.Rag: Well..that would be a present for ME then, wouldn't it?

Christina: Your heart is warm fuzzy shit? Sounds gross.

MI: Yep. Moog here 24/7 making all the other guys who give flowers and jewelry look like crap. Nothing says "I Love You" like a baseball.

Going: I believe I'm being stalked. Weird.

Anonymous said...

You're obviously too good to your wife. She doesn't deserve you.

Please note sarcasm. ;-)

Going Like Sixty said...

I know Grandad, and you should be afraid, very afraid.

Malach the Merciless said...

Happy Burpday

Anonymous said...

"I know Grandad, and you should be afraid, very afraid."


Anonymous said...

You are a gem.

myownhamartia said...

so sweet of you to be all mushy in public. wait, when they flashed the greeting, were you hiding you face in a baseball cap?

the post was so sweet it made me forget for 4 seconds how pissed off i am with B of A for giving me overdraft fees.

LBluca77 said...

What a lucky lucky lady.

Moooooog35 said...

Mimzie: Duly noted. And you're right..she doesn't deserve me. She deserves way better. And taller. Better and taller.

Going: Thanks for the tip. Shaking in my boots.

Malach: WTF dude? No present?!

Grandad: I see the time has taken away your will to type your very own thoughts. Old sucks.

Catscratch: What kind of gem? Ruby? Diamond? Zirconia?

Gladys: Actually..we went to three games, and I forgot which game I had called to have them do this at. So, at the second game, the announcer was all "now turn your attention to the scoreboard for birthday announcements.." At this point, I take out my camera. It wasn't that game. So, when the same thing happened the next night, she pretty much knew.


lbluca: I tell her that ALL THE TIME. Usually, though, it's during my one phone call they allow me from my cell.

Narm said...

My Angry Hobo sounds like a terrible 80's sitcom.

Rahul said...

Did you buy her some crackerjack too?

you should have at least offered relations at third base.

Chicks dig it.

Unknown said...

Hot Chocolate and a baseball? Wow, you're the guy romance novels are made of.

Baba Doodlius said...

Tell Jen Happy Birthday from the Great and Powerful Baba Doodlius.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Jen.

OHmommy said...


Aren't you sweet? Happy birthday Jen.

Anonymous said...

I think she would have really liked a huge kiss from that hobo for her birthday.

Now that would be a memory she would never forget!

Moooooog35 said...

Narm: Duly noted. Can you play bass?

rs27: I DID offer relations. Unfortunately, they were to another chick in the stands. Wife not happy.

Meghan: You're right - I wonder why I've never been asked to cover model?

Baba: BABA! Missed you, dude. I'll swing by.

Meleah: On behalf of my wife, I say: "My husband's an ass." I mean, "Thank you."

OhMommy: Can someone please buy her something so she'll leave me alone about the cocoa?

PrePo: Yes...syphillis from a hobo. The gift that keeps on giving.

Practically Joe said...

A baseball with little balloons printed on it
Awwwww ... Balloon balls ... You shouldn't have. I'll bet that's what sold you on this idea, wasn't it?

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