The Worst Seat in the Otaku | Mental Poo

Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Worst Seat in the Otaku


Take a picture, why don't ya?

Actually...

...that's ALL they did.

Let me explain.

My wife and I attended three Red Sox games during our 6-day stint in Seattle. During our down time, we would stroll the city and see the sights.

Unfortunately, the sights primarily consist of homeless people and large groups of Japanese.

Personally, I think it would be good to do a "Celebrity Family Feud" ...

...but with one side being Seattle's homeless and the other being Japanese tourists.

"Let's Play - FAMILY FEUD!!..."

Al Roker: "OH MY GOD...I'M SO HUNGRY."

Sorry..sorry...


...let's start over:

Al Roker: "..the top three answers are on the board. Name something that everyone does at least once a day."

*BUZZ!!*

Al Roker: "Homeless guy you're the first one to buzz in - give me your answer."

Homeless guy: "These flies!! These flies are in my skull!! Why are they laughing at me?!? I LIKE BEETS!!"

Al Roker: "Ooohkay...Japanese tourist. What's your answer?"

Japanese tourist: "PingWAAAAAA...Dong WOOONG Picachu FeelOOOONg...ICHIRO SUZUKI!!!"

(cameras start going off at the Japanese tourist podium)

Ichiro Suzuki.

Ugh.

Ichiro Suzuki is a Japanese player for the Seattle Mariners. Apparently, he's so popular in Japan that people travel from Japan to Seattle JUST to see him.


I was told that sometimes, they come from Japan just to see the BALLPARK he plays in...then...

...they go home.

Seriously.

The only person I'd ever consider doing that for would be Rachael Ray.

It would have to be a public hanging...but I'd still travel for it.

So, at the ballgame, here's what it would look like with Ichiro on the bench:


..and with Ichiro at the plate:


What. The. F*ck.

EVERY at-bat this happened. EVERY ONE.

Seriously...how many f*cking pictures of this guy do you need?

Not that it mattered to me.

Why you ask?

Well...because here was MY view of the field (actual photo from my seat):


Being short SUCKS.

Also, a nice "Thank you, Safeco field" here for putting a .001% grade on the f*cking seats.

Yeah - it gets better.

Here was my view from Game 3:



On the bright side, though, this guy's size shielded me from the blinding camera flashes from the Japanese tourists.

Until he moved...

...and then Neal and Bob came and sat down in front of us instead:


Awesome.

No longer blinded by camera flashes, I'm instead rendered horrified as one guy rubs another guy's neck lovingly in front of me...

...then up the back of his shirt...

Mother. F*cker.

BRING BACK THE FAT GUY!!

Or a Japanese tourist...at least they're skinny.

Apparently, they've been listening to Al Roker's tips.

20 comments:

Malicious Intent said...

Bahhhhahahhaahaha!

You know what? After those horrible gifts you bestowed upon your wife for her birthday...you totally deserved that.

And you went to Seattle dude, what were you expecting?? Rainbows and Unicorns?

Christina_the_wench said...

See this is what you get for subjecting her to three damn baseball games on her vacation!totally brought this on yourself.

You would have found me drunk in the men's bathroom asking someone for a light.

GeologyJoe said...

at least the first guy who was in front of you was a Sox fan.

C.Rag said...

Sit behind the Japanese they're your size.

Mike said...

Three baseball games? Good lord, you'd be better off staying home and watching paint dry.

Did the gay guys take out their bats?

catscratch said...

The funniest thing I've ever seen?

Well, I was living in Nashville and on my way to the areopuerto and was running early.

I decided to stop at K-Mart to get some deep reading material for the flight (National Enquirer, US Weekly, The Globe).

Anyhoooo, I park, get out of my car, and walk toward K-Mart, when I notice a group of Japanese folks getting in a group to have a photo op in front of K-Mart.

Ain't they got no K-Marts in Japan?

Smileygirl said...

Wow, you really LOVED it there didn't you??

Did you not find at least ONE redeeming quality about the place??? If you did, please share.

moooooog35 said...

MI: There's RAINBOWS and UNICORNS there? It wasn't on the walking map!!!

Christina: FYI, my wife is an absolutely willing participant in the ballgame viewing. We've also gone to see the Patriots (football) play in Miami. Yeah...I'm awesomely lucky. In return, she doesn't make me go see country music. It's a win-win.

Geo: It's usually a 50/50 split when we travel to games. We saw them in San Diego last year, and I'd say it was 70/30 in favor of Sox fans. Very surreal.

C.Rag: The entire park was a Japanese section...except for my seats and the ones right in front of me. That's my luck.

Mike: Dude...you're on the verge of being kicked out of Mantown. I'm guessing Oprah's not on yet?

Catscratch: No. I'm sure they have K-Marts. With "Brew Right Specials."

Smiley: Let me see...redeeming quality. YES! Got one! Every so often, you'd go by an alley that smelled like pee. Wait..wait..that's not it. OOH! Did I mention there's a Cheesecake Factory?

LBluca77 said...

If you didn't enjoy seeing a gay guy rub another guys neck then I suggest you never come to Long Beach. The gays do it right there on the street. Just kidding, maybe.

The Offended Blogger said...

"and me with the homophobia.."

Ahahahahahaaa!!!!

You and me both, only I am jealous because they get all the good looking ones *ahem* batting for their team and it is not fair, dammit!!

Not that it matters, since I'm married and all.. but still, it is the principal of it.

BTW, I am a huge Mariners and Ichiro fan and now I hate you for getting to almost see them play. :)

Becky..AMHW said...

That first guy...that's a sexy neck. You cannot tell me that you didn't want to run your tongue down that neck, toward his hard quivering neck muscles, onto his chest, down his belly, down...down...

Ahem...

I could lick the bald spot too.

And Neal and Bob too.

I need chocolate.

rs27 said...

They would sell out a Rachel Ray public hanging in about 8 seconds.

I'd buy 30 tickets.

Raspootin said...

When I used to have Saints season tickets I sat next to this rather large woman. In fact I gave up the seats because everytime we went to do the wave she would slap me in the face or knock my bloody mary out of my hand. The bloody would always spill one me not her.

WHO DAT SAY GONNA BEAT THEM SAINT WHO DAT DAT *** SLAP*** "Lordy girl when you gonna learn to git outta my way"

mauniejames3 said...

okay you win...this post was funny...short guys (you) homeless,
gays and Asians...funny funny

Practically Joe said...

You have to look at the bright side ... Yes, I'm going to offer a bright side ... It could have been two fat bald guys rubbing each other's necks in front of you.
See? Better, right?

David said...

The island of Japan must be near to sinking to submersion with all the photos they take. I live in DC and bus loads of Japanese tourists move around town (especially in cherry blossom season) and they even take pictures of pot holes in the street.

and btw - what is the big difference between a straight couple with excessive pda's and a gay couple with pda's? I find each uncomfortable regardless of sexual orientation.

Malach the Merciless said...

So, your moving there I assume?

moooooog35 said...

Hey all - I had a "Dear Moog" post today but my blog was marked as a "Spam Blog" (whatever the fuck that means) and I'm trying to figure it out. As soon as I do, I'll post.

lbluca: Thank you. Actually, our flight was canceled on the way back, and the only next one went THROUGH Long Beach. We booked a different airline. Glad we did now...that would have been way icky.

Offended: Ichiro sucked balls. It was funny - no hits, made, like, 3 errors...and still PHOTOS PHOTOS PHOTOS. Weird.

Becky: Um...ew.

rs27: Dude, if I get to the ticket window and they're sold out because of you, I'm coming after you.

Raspootin: AWESOME. That was awesome. Of course, this is your fault for being a Saints fan..but whatever.

Maunie: Thanks!! I try to be an equal opportunity offender.

PracJoe: Good point. Gross, good point.

David: Maybe this is what happened to Atlantis. Too many photos. The difference is that I'd much rather see "two girls one cup" with my eyelids held open rather than stare at man-loving for three hours straight. I'm an ass like that.

Malach: Only if you come with me and rub my neck at Mariners games. Call me.

Evil Genius said...

This was absolutely hysterical. I definitely peed a little.

meleah rebeccah said...

Bahhhhahahhaahaha! Your view was hysterical, and that "feud" really was The Best Ever.

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