Foiled Again | Mental Poo

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Foiled Again


Tomorrow is my birthday.

I'll be 40.

I'm sad about this.

Apparently, my penis is also sad and has been for a while...

...because he hasn't lifted his head up in a long, long time.

I bought myself a present about a month or so ago...anticipating that I would somehow actually survive to see my 40th birthday.

Let's check her out one more time:


Hey! Look!

My penis is up!!

Honey...I'll be home in about 40 minu...

Nevermind.

He's sad again.

I need to get him some Prozac. There has to be SOME type of pill to get him out of this funk!


My son got the privilege of naming my motorcycle.

Me: "Okay, Cam. You get to name her. What's it gonna be?"

*thinking*

Cam: "RD."

..um...

Me: "RD? What's RD stand for?"

Cam: "Racing Motorcycle."

*blink*

Me: "Let's go work on your phonics."

Last week my wife handed me a large, light package, saying:

"You're getting one of your presents early, because if you want it by your birthday I have to give it to you now."


I opened the gift, revealing this:


Gee.

A homemade creation of paper towel rolls taped together and covered in Reynold's Wrap Aluminum Foil.

Turning 40 truly IS majestic.

She then handed me a card telling me that I'd have to make a choice on what TYPE of item I'd need to get.

The pictures explained the gift that she made.

Let me show you:


NICE.

She's getting me a new exhaust...because I told her the stock one wasn't loud enough.

Since it's nothing I could actually OPEN...she made me one out of cardboard and aluminum foil.

How f*cking creative is THAT?!?!?

Crazy Creative. That's how.

Today, I told her that I wasn't going to buy the new exhaust, though.

I read some reviews that said that it wouldn't be much different than stock...

...and to go through a full system would cost about $1000.

So, discouraged that she has potentially gotten me nothing...

...she sent me a photo today of my NEW birthday present:


Dammit.

I liked the first one better.

20 comments:

Narm said...

If your wife pulling some crazy MacGyver motorcycle shit doesn't get your peen to lift his head and take a look around I don't know what will.

LBluca77 said...

Maybe your wife should have a blog too. Happy B-day, damn your old. No, just kidding. 40 is my scary age.

Midleah said...

She and I must think alike; I knew exactly what that was before I read the explanation.

Happy b-day, in advance. Go celebrate by dropping a deuce in your new work digs and frightening all your new co-workers.

Mimzie Beaumont said...

That's so sweet and cute that she did that for you. I know it's your birthday but, you really should get her something. I'm just sayin'. :-)

mauniejames3 said...

Forty huh...wish I were forty again
I don't know what for but it seems like the correct thing to say...happy almost birthday...tell your wife your secret dream of a birthday gift...whatever that is...I gave hubby a surprise birthday party with over a hunbdred people...he wasn't too happy.

Jen said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOOG!

Christina_the_wench said...

Happy Birthday, Old Man. (lucky bastard).

C.Rag said...

Happy Birthday!
That boy of yours will probably be president.

moooooog35 said...

Narm: Wait til YOU turn 40. You can tease that little guy and build aluminum foil things for him all you want. He'll do what he wants to do.

lbluca: Thanks for validating my elderliness...eldernissity...elderage. Thanks for telling me I'm old.

Midleah: I've been in the bathroom stalls yelling,"MY GOD!! WHAT IS THAT?!?!" all day. That good?

Mimzie: The only thing she really wants is a payout on my life insurance...and I'm holding out on that for a while.

Maunie: Nice. Nothing says "you bitch" like a 100-person party.

Jen: Thanks! Whaddya get me?

Christina: (see Jen comment)

C.Rag: I know. Scary. PLUS - he's a yellow belt now...bad grammer + karate = Jet Li. Cool.

Indrani Bhattacharya said...

Rodney, I wish you a very happy birthday tomorrow!

I've been a constant visitor to your blog and I have conferred the award of "I Love your Blog" on you today.

Please collect it from here:
http://pagancandies.blogspot.com/2008/08/blog-award.html

On a side note, 29th August is also the birthday of Michael Jackson.
Does that make you happy or sad?

My landlord's younger daughter also celebrates her birthday tomorrow. She's a good person to know.

moooooog35 said...

Indrani: Thank you for the award.

I'll be sure to acknowledge it when I get around to it.

I'm thoughtful like that.

In regards to Michael Jackson: stay tuned for tomorrow's post.

Thanks!!

rs27 said...

RD is the bomb.

Maybe he meant racing doodie.

Gooch said...

Happy Birthday!

Turning 40's easy. Really! It's like you're 'officially' a grown up in years even if your brain still thinks you're 16.

As for the pipes? Go for the Screaming Eagles. Plenty of 'puh-tata, puh-tata' Harley sound without being 'over the top'.

They're close, though. It's utter Harley awesomeness!

moooooog35 said...

rs27: Racing Doodie FROM HELL!!

I suppose that would be RDFH.

Gooch: I finally ended up going with the V&H StraightShot Slip-ons. Even the Harley parts dept. said the new ones didn't sound much different than stock.

Anything is better than just a roll of aluminum foil.

meleah rebeccah said...

Happy Birthday!!

They say 40 is the new 30. So...um that should make your penis happy...no?

Baba Doodlius said...

Happy Birthday, old guy! Welcome to Geezerville, population you!

Kidding. 40 really isn't old. I swear it's not. Don't ask me how I know this.

By the by, Prozac is a major cause of WWS (Wilting Willie Syndrome), so I wouldn't reccommend pumping any of that into the poor guy.

Mindy said...

Was going to say the same thing as Baba....no prozac!!

Mindy said...

Oh and happy birthday!

HeyJoe said...

Happy Birthday, Mooog. I guess your wife's gift is going to make the roll of paper towels I got you seem pretty fucking cheap. Sorry, it's the thought that counts, right?

Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, I though she had wrapped some drugs up for you

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