Just Hangin' Out | Mental Poo

Friday, August 08, 2008

Just Hangin' Out

Before I start:

I've got a movie review of "The Reaping" today over on Moog's Movie Reviews.

I'm not sure what a "reaping" actually is...

...but they made a movie of it anyway.

And then I watched it.

I'm so stupid.

Okay...on to my topic:

My wife just called me.

Me: "Hey, hon - what's up?"

Wife: "I just heard a news story that says you should spend a maximum of ten minutes going to the bathroom."

Me: "Um..well...I kind of exceeded that by about an hour this morning. And that was just my FIRST shit of the day."

Wife: "It said that if it takes any longer than that, you risk rupturing your anal veins and getting hemmorhoids."

I'm not actually sure she said "anal veins" there. But it definitely was some type of ass-related vein term.

Cornhole veins?

Chocolate Starfish veins?

Sphincter veins?

(Holy shit. "The Sphincter Veins" would be an awesome name for a rock band)

I'm positive she said "hemorrhoids" though.

Ten minutes?!?

Jesus H. Christ.

It takes me ten minutes just to get comfortable...nevermind dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool.

Squashing out a loaf in under a half-hour is me making pretty good time.

I actually read Nikki Sixx's "The Heroin Diaries" COMPLETELY while on the shitter.

This is probably bad news for my friend, Bill - who right now is actually borrowing this book.

Bill: "What the...? What's on this page...chocolate?"

Booty veins?

Hershey Highway side roads?

What the Hell DID she say?

Doesn't matter. I had to hang up on her anyway.

I had a big lunch.


Malach the Merciless said...

Rusty Dirt Star tubes

Christine said...

Anal fissure, fistulas, hemmorhoids, pilonidal cyst,rectal spasms, bleeding and rectal spasms.

Nice blog. :-)

Anonymous said...

rusty trombone...

Anonymous said...

I hope your rectum doesn't have issues due to your long sits on the crapper, dude.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

softcore DP with nikki sixx and heather locklears fist?

that's what the post was about, right?

Moooooog35 said...

Note to everyone:

I was NOT, I repeat NOT soliciting requests for different ways to say 'anal veins' - thank you anyway.

Catscratch: Not sure - if you could take a peek and make sure everything is okay, that would be great.

Tequila: Nice to see you back. Sorry for your loss, by the way, for what it's worth. And, no - it wasn't about that, but thanks for that visual...putting it in Mr. Spank Bank now...

Me said...

I need to remind myself to NEVER eat breakfast (or any meal for that matter) while reading your blog.

Diva's Thoughts said...

Oh my goodness!!!! lol

LBluca77 said...

HA! I thought I was the only one who's feet fell asleep. Damn!!

Anonymous said...

just when I think you've taken poo as far as you can go, you come up with something like this.


Knight said...

Just ten minutes? I've never known any guy that was capable of that speed. When would you read?

Anonymous said...

Amen, brother. Ten minutes is just getting comfortable.

Rahul said...

Nicky Sixx can write?

Raspootin said...

You must have to get up really early to get it all out before work?

1 hour wow I hope you have 2 bathrooms in your house :)

Moooooog35 said...

Smiley: Gives your cocoa puffs a whole new look, doesn't it?

Diva: Well put.

lbluca: Nope - happens to me all the time. That, and I get rashes on my knees from resting my elbows there.

meleah: I aim to please.

Mike: Hey - if explosive diarrhea works for you, then I say go with it.

Knight: I have NO idea how guys poop that fast. I've been in a stall when a guy goes into the one next to me...poos...and is done. Done. In, like, 2 minutes. How satisfying can THAT be? IT CAN'T.

Wolf: exactly - sometimes, I bring in a pillow.

rs27: Apparently so. If you're ever in the mood to read how someone injected heroin into his penis because he could find no other valid vein...then have it.

Raspootin: Out BEFORE work?! Are you insane, woman?! It's half the fun of BEING at work. It's like getting paid to relax.

Colleen said...

Damn you rs27! And was it coherent? And how did you get the stains on the page, I feel like you were using the book wrong.

GorillaSushi said...

My feet fall asleep on the toilet too! My wife makes fun of me so maybe I'll share this post to demonstrate it's commonality. Then again, you might not be helping my case...

Mike said...

I'm not sure what amazes me most. It's either that you wrote an entire post about shitting or that Nikki Six wrote a book.

It takes me 10 minutes to get my pants off.

I'm old.

Practically Joe said...

Wife: "I just heard a news story that says you should spend a maximum of ten minutes going to the bathroom."
What? It takes you more than 10 minutes to go to your bathroom ... How big is your freakin house?

Anonymous said...

what the heck...you have to poop
so you do poop, that's it.....
what could take over ten minutes..
only men would know...

Anonymous said...

I wasn't aware about getting hemorroids if you stay in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes.. but now I am informed... Nice ;0

Malicious Intent said...

If you read Nikki Sixx's "The Heroin Diaries" with one visit to the toilet, that is bad. I think most people can fly through that book in about 10 min. We have it, I know.

Anonymous said...

For some reason I can imagine that you're one of those guys that makes phone calls from the toliet...not sure why.

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