(an open letter to my dear friend, Netflix)
Dear Netflix,
We've been together for a while now, and I thought you knew me better.
Sure, we've had some good times...
...like the time I got the movie "300" from you on a whim...
...subsequently watching it 76 more times and contemplated becoming homosexual for the third time in less than a month.
Seriously...HOW do they get those abs?!
I can only get abs like that if I wear one of those shirts with them already painted on.
We've also had some bad times.
Like, "Teeth" and "Bend it Like Beckham."
Seriously...what is that shit?!
You should be ashamed of yourself for letting people rent that crap.
Then...I checked my "recommendations" today...
...and saw...
THIS:
(click to enlarge)
WHAT. THE. F*CK.
Based on the fact that I liked watching "Nip/Tuck"...
...you're recommending "Doogie F*cking Howser" AND "Diagnosis Murder?!?!?"
ARE YOU F*CKING HIGH?
I think we seriously have a disconnect here, and may need to cut this relationship short.
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt ONCE.
And only because of this recommendation:
I've never seen "Snatch"...
...but I have a feeling I might like it.
But you're seriously on probation for the Doogie and Dick Van Dyke bullshit.
Don't make me come down there and go all "Murder She Wrote" on your ass.
Cuz I'll do it, bitch.
Actually, I probably won't. If I'm too lazy to drive to a video store, I'm probably too lazy to try to kick your ass.
Keep 'em coming. Thanks in advance.
Moog.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
But...Where's Angela Lansbury?!?
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24 comments:
Doogie Howser is America's best kept secret.
Snatch is a great movie. Its about a diamond heist, not a vee-jay.
Angry: I thought America's best kept secret was Sarah Palin. Oh..not anymore.
Geo: It's not about an MTV personality?
Snatch is wicked fucking good. The movie too, that's pretty good as well.
I think netflix hates mooog!
Love the "too lazy to drive to a video store" line.
Snatch is a great movie, full of pissed off cockney gangsters going all "GGGEEEEZZZAAAHHHH" and "MAPPETTTT!" on each other.
Quality stuff.
Doogie, huh? I'm a little surprised that you don't already own the box set. :-)
ok, you've got Doogie Howser, Angela Landsbury and Snatch in the same post.
I'm not sure there's enough beer in the world to erase the mental image I just got.
Hmmmmm....Netfilx? I've never ordered from them. Now I don't know. That Doogie Howser crap has me all woozy.
Snatch is good. Netflix wins on that recommendation.
However, Doogie??? Wow. That shit is lame. And from my recollection absolutely NOTHING like Nip/Tuck. To compare those two is effin ridiculous.
Nip/Tuck = Awesome
Doogie = Awful
Snatch is awesome!
The movie I mean. We just watched it again the other night. Classic. I, like netflix, strongly suggest that you see some snatch...the movie I mean.
Doogie isnt THAT bad...and Yes SNATCH was / is awesome!
Rent the Doogie video. You might just find yourself contemplating your sexuality for the forth time in one month.
It's sick. I couldn't stop watching 300 either.
You've got Doogie all wrong though. Watch those Harold and Kumar movies and you'll see what a badass NPH really is.
Snatch is the awesomest. Well, except for the Usual Suspects.
Please! Growing up, I wanted to be like Doogie.
A high school doctor??
All I could do was play a doctor but still...
I get odd ball suggestions as well. I think because of renting stuff for the kids now and then. No suggestions for me to rent Matlock yet at least.
Also, Snatch is a decent film..worth the rental.
Vinny Delpino bangins Angela Lansbury should be in your recommendations.
Ok that was over the top.
Think I own Snatch. Never watched it. Well, except that time we videotaped ourselves, but nevermind.
Hockey: That was smooooooth.
lbluca: This is why I've considered starting my own version which specializes in home-delivered porn: NetF*cks.
Chris: Sorry dude...once I see "Wood" I just start laughing and then my comment goes to shit.
Mimzie: You said 'box set!'
Colonel: You're welcome. Just think...Dick VanDyke is in there, too.
Diva: You know he's gay, right? Nevermind.
Kellie: Somewhere, Dr. Troy is flabbergasted (while banging some hot chick, of course)
Doggie: Once I return "Enchanted" I'll be sure to get it.
Meleah: Point taken.
Knight: Like I need that pressure.
Michael Knight Rambo: Dude. BEST. NAME. EVER.
Prin: Totally with you on "Usual Suspects" - wait...where did that come from?!
Slick: It's different where you come from, though. Here, we frown on playing doctor with our siblings.
March: Matlock = bad karma. Andy Griffith is coming for ya.
rs27: Get outta my head!!
Christina: Send me the review and I'll post it. Ah, screw it...just send me the video and I'll do it myself.
Absolutely hysterical! You definitely have a way with words--and imagery.
--I didn't even know they still have video stores.
So when does you AARP card come in?
netflix once recommended I Love New York for me. That's when we broke up.
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