Alex, you're a fucking moron.
Let me explain.
Well, it's week 2 here at my new job and, as you can tell, I still enjoy fucking off.
On a side note, I have YET to drop a deuce here...
...so I actually think I'm making LESS money than at my old job...
...where I'd get paid to crap for two hours a day.
I'm hoping this changes and I start having work-related bowel movements soon...or else I'm going to have to start collecting Food Stamps.
This work stuff sucks ass.
But I've digressed.
Back to Alex.
As part of my "New Hire Orientation," I had to take a 753 page course on Sexual Harassment. This course was followed by 300 fucking questions on the definition of Sexual Harassment.
They could have whittled this down to one page, one question:
A picture of me.
Do you think this guy is funny and says appropriate things in the workplace?
c) Blow me
If you answered "a" or "c", please report to the douchebags in Human Resources and have a nice life.
If you answered "b," you're an excellent liar.
No, instead, I get questions like this (an actual question from the test):
Roberta is an Account Rep at EZ Interactive Company and has hired Alex, right out of graduate school, as her assistant.
Some time after Alex starts working at the company, Roberta tells Alex that the only way he can keep his job at EZ Interactive is by having sex with her.
Alex is very upset with this demand, but finally agrees because he really needs the job.
True or False:
Because Alex gave in to Roberta's demands, the situation is one of mutually consenting adults, not sexual harassment.
I have a four-word answer here:
Alex, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?
Alex is getting laid at work by his female boss...
...and he's UPSET ABOUT THIS?!?!?
The only way I see this actually upsetting me would be:
a) Roberta is actually a pen-name for Rosie O'Donnell (but, even then, HEY! Sex!)
b) Roberta is actually "Robert's" new name after the operation.
Other than that, I'm first in the office, last one out.
Speaking of overtime...
Honey, I'm going to be late tonight.
My boss, Mike, wants to talk about some stuff.
I hope he's gentle.