What is Alex's FUCKING PROBLEM?!?!? | Mental Poo

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

What is Alex's FUCKING PROBLEM?!?!?

Alex, you're a fucking moron.

Let me explain.

Well, it's week 2 here at my new job and, as you can tell, I still enjoy fucking off.

On a side note, I have YET to drop a deuce here...

...so I actually think I'm making LESS money than at my old job...

...where I'd get paid to crap for two hours a day.

I'm hoping this changes and I start having work-related bowel movements soon...or else I'm going to have to start collecting Food Stamps.

This work stuff sucks ass.

Who knew?

But I've digressed.

Back to Alex.

As part of my "New Hire Orientation," I had to take a 753 page course on Sexual Harassment. This course was followed by 300 fucking questions on the definition of Sexual Harassment.

They could have whittled this down to one page, one question:

Page 1:

A picture of me.


Do you think this guy is funny and says appropriate things in the workplace?

a) Yes
b) No
c) Blow me

If you answered "a" or "c", please report to the douchebags in Human Resources and have a nice life.

If you answered "b," you're an excellent liar.


No, instead, I get questions like this (an actual question from the test):

Roberta is an Account Rep at EZ Interactive Company and has hired Alex, right out of graduate school, as her assistant.

Some time after Alex starts working at the company, Roberta tells Alex that the only way he can keep his job at EZ Interactive is by having sex with her.

Alex is very upset with this demand, but finally agrees because he really needs the job.

True or False:

Because Alex gave in to Roberta's demands, the situation is one of mutually consenting adults, not sexual harassment.

I have a four-word answer here:

Alex, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

Alex is getting laid at work by his female boss...

...and he's UPSET ABOUT THIS?!?!?

The only way I see this actually upsetting me would be:

a) Roberta is actually a pen-name for Rosie O'Donnell (but, even then, HEY! Sex!)

b) Roberta is actually "Robert's" new name after the operation.

Other than that, I'm first in the office, last one out.

Mucho overtime.

Speaking of overtime...

Honey, I'm going to be late tonight.

My boss, Mike, wants to talk about some stuff.

I hope he's gentle.


AngryMan said...

Maybe you get your work-related shit out of the way by taking a dump on Mike.

Mike said...

Go easy on mike, he's never been cornholed by the likes of a Mental Poo.

Anonymous said...

You are one nutty guy!!!!

Narm said...

If you get herpes from fucking your boss do you get worker's comp?

Unknown said...

Can I refer you to my last post, on the techniques of slacking off? Vital information for those wishing to maintain a healthy shirk ethic.

Rahul said...

Never trust a guy named Alex

LBluca77 said...

It only takes one asshole to ruin interoffice sex for all.

Moooooog35 said...

Angryman: Excellent..."Two coworkers, one cup."

Mike: So says you.

Maunie: I prefer the term, "whacky."

Narm: Not sure...what happened with your syphillis?

Chris: I'd go read it, but I'm too lazy. Just send it to me so I don't have to type anymore. Thanks.

Meleah: Passing is how I've managed to not get fired thus far from any job. If you know how to fake it, you can go places. Just ask Jenna Jameson.

rs27: Exactly. Look no further than Alex Guiness. Jedi, my ass.

Mike: I haven't taken the PC class yet. Stay tuned.

Lbluca: Actually, when the asshole is involved, interoffice sex is much better.

So says Mike.

Baba Doodlius said...

Welcome to work. Watch your corn hole.

Anonymous said...

Alex is gay.

Plain and simple.

Wait...what did Roberta look like? That's the real question....

Anonymous said...

Alex said he liked it. And by the way, you're next pal. Bend over!


Colleen said...

Hey maybe Alex doesn't like to be pressured into sex. Maybe Alex wants a mature relationship with a loving, caring woman that he can see spending the rest of his ... almost made it through with a straight face.

HeyJoe said...

Forcing an employee to have sex with you is considered sexual harassment?

Now you tell me Moog, and damn you to hell for it too.

Malach the Merciless said...

Methinks Alex is a bit on the fruity side

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