Absent-Minded, and Apparently Bitchy Right Now | Mental Poo

Friday, October 24, 2008

Absent-Minded, and Apparently Bitchy Right Now

AMHW on the Casting Couch!!

AMHW is short for the "Absent Minded HouseWife."

Not to be confused with my ads on Craigslist where AMHW means "American Male, Hung Well."

On a related note, no - I'm not the BUYER.

The Absent Minded Housewife blog is a funny, funny site, and I'm glad she agreed to post for me.

Plus, it gives me one more day to answer my ads on Craigslist.

OOOH!...this one's local!!


Here you go:

(email from AMHW)

Alrighty, it's a bit slow...like my brain cells...but I finally managed a post for you. Use it in good health.


I'm Becky...The Absent Minded Housewife.

I'm menstruating.

You read that right. I'M MENSTRUATING.

Which means I am not pregnant. That's as expected because I've been voluntarily surgically sterilized.

I'm not guest-posting to talk about being surgically sterilized, which is one of the best and only surgeries I've undergone. Squeezing squalling demon spawn out of my no-no parts is staying an aspect of my past life. Instead, I'm going to yak on about being on the rag because I was told I was free to choose my topic.

I'm sure Moog would have preferred I talked about sex. Whips. Rubber. Gerbils.

Well, neener neener dude. Retaining water is a bitch kitty.

So, I'm menstruating. I've been menstruating since I was thirteen, for twenty years, so getting my period is not a surprise.

It's also not a suprise that my husband will not go to the store to buy me any feminine hygiene products. He did go to the grocery store today. He bought a bloody hunk of brisket which didn't phase him in the least. He's willing to cook and eat that, but touching, much less purchasing, a box of tampons isn't at all kosher.

Not that we'd know kosher. We're both from Utah.

Some men are alright with women and their monthly scourges. Some men buck up and buy those tampons and maxi pads for their women, sitting the box proudly next to the brisket and a DVD copy of "Ironman".

My husband says he's glad that those men aren't him.

I say those men are just hoping to get a little sumfin' sumfin'.

Being the weaker sex, in an iron low state, I've never made the man buy my tampons. I allow him to nonchalantly stroll about the store not even turning down the aisle where they keep those offensive boxes with the pictures of horse riding ladies on the front. Not to mention the sundress wearing douche ladies. If I had to choose, I'd rather be Aunt Jemima than an sundress wearing douche model.

So, no pantyliner shopping for my husband. And if I do leak? I take care to not leave my drawers soaking in the same place he brushes his teeth. What can I say? I love my husband and it's those little considerations that make life nice.

Out of consideration and instead of buying me tampons, my husband buys me triple fudge chocolate cake. That purchase, when I'm menstruating, is just as important and necessary as tampons in my opinion. He's not numb to the cause.

However, it's not kosher to employ triple fudge chocolate cake in the same manner as you'd use a tampon. That's just messy and a waste of good cake.

And it annoys the gerbils.


Good enough? At least you asked for a post. I've got a stinking vagina oriented blog, owned by some eejit in Mozambique, who is stealing my content. They stick my stolen posts next to adult friend finder ads and lonely housewife ads...flashy GIF boob ads...and I'm ever so thrilled about this. I didn't even have to mention bukkake.




I believe I've now learned my lesson when I reply, "just choose your own topic..."

Thanks, AMHW!!

Now go check her out

Or you might want to wait a week, then you can get a better look.


Want to do a guest post for me?

Shoot me an email here and let me know


Malach the Merciless said...

MMMMMMMMM - Menses, I mean MMMMMMMM Chocolate Cake

Anonymous said...

I'd like to leave the bathroom in a 'crime-scene' condition, just once, to see what my husband would do.

LBluca77 said...

Every time I get my lady days I do the happy dance. Maybe I should stop sleeping with every sailor I see. Might be less stressful.

Anonymous said...

Gotta love a man who gifts Aunt Flo with Choco goodness.

Rahul said...

I like to pretend this doesn't happen with women.

The Absent Minded Housewife said...

Surely I was referring to my post about menses and not comparing you to Dubya! Afterall, I'd vote for you whether you were a twat or not.

Next post...bukkake.

Anonymous said...

My hubs does both -- tampons and double-decker chocolate fudge brownie cake -- he's good like that! Probably knows that it will help keep the she-devil at bay. ;)

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with Justin on this one.

We dont want to buy the wrong thing and have to try to take it back, now do we!


Hungry Mother said...

I am very sympathetic to ladies on the rag. I don't even stop having sex with them while they're flowing. Just call me Mr. Nice Guy.

Biscuit said...

Well, seems I hit the jackpot. My man will not only buy tampons, he'll do me, too.

I'm just that irresistible.

Coffeypot said...

Good post, buy I got over that shit years ago. Now I'll go garb the preferred brand of cooter covers (or pussy packers) and run to the register and tell the check-out person to hurry up. I have to go swimming and horseback riding and stuff while wearing white pants. It says so on the box and I'm anxious to get started. It works every time.

fiona said...

I entertained the menopause at 33.
*sigh* Oh the joys of fertility lost.

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