Dear Moog: Granny Boobs and My Tiny Internet Penis | Mental Poo

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dear Moog: Granny Boobs and My Tiny Internet Penis

It's another time for an exciting episode of "Dear Moog"...

Where they say that the pen is mightier than the sword.

Believing this ideology is EXACTLY why the Bic company hasn't won any wars.

Stupid ballpoints. You'd think they'd be able to pierce armor but, instead, they just write all over it.

I am not responsible for any stupid sh*t you do to yourself or others as a result of taking any of my advice seriously. There, I think that covers it.

You've been warned.

Today's letter comes from one Sriram Lola.

"Sriram" is pronounced like this:


Anyway, Shmeeram writes:

Dear moog,

I have a problem

My girlfriend sent me this message:

"lots of <3"

What does that mean?

I'm wondering if she likes cock that much.

At least she could have gone for <======3 as compared to <3

What do I do?


Dear Smegma,


It took me the whole letter to figure out that you're actually a guy. That name could seriously go either way.

The "Lola" part totally threw me off along with the indecipherable first name.

Thanks for the clarification.

On second thought, you could be a screaming hot lesbo, though (hence, the "Lola").

If so, I have one question for you:


Regardless, Sleestak, you actually have me confused as to the symbol.

You see, my phone plan charges 20 cents per text message and - as such - I tell everyone not to text me.

Honestly, if someone sent me a "<3" message, you can damn well be sure that I'd be backcharging that asshole the twenty cents.

I'm a good friend.

I have no idea what "<3" has to do with cock. This thing looks nothing like a chicken.

My best guess, Shwarma, is that it's a pair of boobs lying on it's side.

If this is the case, then I'm fairly certain that they're really really they're sticking straight out to the side. This leads me to one question:



Given that, I'm not sure why you'd WANT her to send you this:


Those are some LOOOOOONG boobies.


Be careful of what you wish.

You don't want Granny-style boobies, Smear-in-rear, you don't.

I've been there.

I've done that.

57 times.

And my Grandfather has never forgiven me.

He can be such a <3.


There you go! Yet another exciting episode!

I have a "Dear Moog" link on the top right of my page, or you can email me here.

Want bad advice? Want sh*tty answers?

You've come to the right place.

Drop me a line.

Moog out.


Narm said...

Moooooog - everyone knows (. )( .) is boobies and C::::::::8 is dick.

Have you NEVER spent time in an adult chat room?

Sometimes I think your story about meeting Chris Hansen is COMPLETELY fake.

Christina_the_wench said...

Wow. <3 is a heart or stands for 'love'. Get out of your cubicle, er basement once in awhile, moooog.

I like the cock symbol, though. Impressive

Anonymous said...


Who the hell took that picture & why?

The Absent Minded Housewife said...

God I love Bollywood.

And moobs. I love a filthy set of moobs.

Mike said...

Regardless of his name, there's probably smegma AND shwarma under those granpa boobies.

Rahul said...

I wish I didn't see that last picture.

Some things can't be unseen.

fiona said...

Nothing wrong with grandma boobs.
I find mine very convenient for warming pizza under...thank you very much!

Malach the Merciless said...

Damn, I didn't want to see pictures of the Moog Shirtless!

Anonymous said...

I don't really care about Schmarmy, but I just wanted to say I love how educational your site is. I literally had no idea that <=====3 meant dick. Imagine how much fun I can have now texting my Mom. I can say, "Awww, Dad is such a <====3 and she'll have know idea what I mean.

Oh, and the pic of the hairy man boobies from hell were just cruel -- just cruel I tell ya!

Anonymous said...

"is that it's a pair of boobs lying on it's side."


but that photo? Very disturbing....

Anonymous said...

Wow those hair moobs terrified me, I don't think I'm ever going outside ever again! I'm scarred for the rest of my life!

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