"Sweep the Leg" and Other Non-Amazing Shit | Mental Poo

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

"Sweep the Leg" and Other Non-Amazing Shit

Before I start, I have a new movie review of "Get Smart" over on "Moog's Movie Reviews."

Carry on.

*****************

It's gloat time.

This weekend, my five year old son had his first ever karate tournament.

He participated in four events:

1) Forms
2) Self Defense
3) Sparring
4) Trying to bang Elisabeth Shue

Woops.

I'm thinking of the other karate kid for #4.

Three events.

How did he do?

Take a look:


F*CKING AY THAT'S RIGHT!

Two FIRST PLACE trophies and a Fourth Place trophy.

The f*cking Fourth Place showing is nothing but a disappointment.

We'll have to work a little harder at destroying his childhood and taking all the fun out of karate if he wants to please me.

I'm kidding.

(not really)


He did AWESOME. Fourth place in Self Defense, first place in Forms and first place in Sparring.

I was videotaping the whole thing, with my wife by my side.

She had never seen my son spar/fight in karate.

As he's clearly kicking everyone's ass getting point after point (as a side note, they frown upon parents screaming "SWEEP THE LEG!"), she's subconciously grabbing my arm and shaking it.

As such, the video of the event looks like it was taken either by a California store's security camera during an earthquake, or someone with f*cking Parkinson's Disease.

Thanks hon. Quite the shaky memory we've made there.

Super proud of you, Cam. Super proud.

****************

Also, just an award acknowledgement from Kellie over at "Beauty is in the Eye of the Beer Holder."

Kellie awarded me this:


The "Uber Amazing Blog" award.

Awesome.

The only time I've ever been called "Uber" anything is when I neglected to tell my girlfriend in High School that I was nearing...um...completion while getting a BJ.

Her response when the time came:

"mm...mm....Ga..UUUBBBERR!!"

I don't think she was actually saying "Uber," but the choking sure did sound like it.

I'm supposed to 'tag' other blogs to give this award to. But homey don't play that way.

The only time I tag other people is when I'm finished with my turn at the gang bang.

Even then, I'm not a big fan of slapping hands. Too gooey.


I also like this part of the award:

"Keep it Up."

Keep it up?

Apparently, you don't know me very well.

I need pills for that shit.

Speaking of 'keeping it up'...I'm off to rent "Karate Kid."

Mmmm...

Elisabeth Shue.

Thanks, Kellie! This is much appreciated.

Everyone else, go check her site out - well worth the read.

Moog out.

18 comments:

Narm said...

I'm not so sure you should be THAT excited about the fact that your son can already kick your ass.

Mike said...

So your son is about a year away from kicking your ass?

Smooth move.

You're supposed to be able to take him till he's at least 15.

Christina_the_wench said...

Good job, Mini Moooog. Damn. Those trophies are about as big as his is. He helped you carry them in the house, didn't he?

GoingLikeSixty.com said...

Kid, yeah, great...

Did Elisabeth Shue ever get banged in a movie?

Mike said...

Yeah, not smart at all. I had to wait until my son was at least 16 before he could kick my ass.

He's also in track so he has no trouble catching me when I try to run away from the ass beating he is going to give me.

Kellie said...

Those trophies are as big as your son. Damn. He's a tough ass karate kid. Impressive. Nicely done in destroying his childhood. :)

Becky..AMHW said...

White pants past Labor Day? THAT'S UNCOUTH!

Let's make him an awesome Ninja outfit. I promise to not put glitter on it even if I'm sorely tempted.

E Chuod said...

Good job, Dad (Cam)

I've always been impress by how huge karate trophies are. I think someone actually kicked my ass using a karate trophy once. ONCE! (four times)

fiona said...

Well done @ minimoog! Too cute, no wait, Too tough dude...whew

Congrats on the Award and keep taking the pills darlin!

Hungry Mother said...

I think I can take him with some of the moves I've learned from watching cage fighting.

moooooog35 said...

Narm: he may be able to kick my ass, but I'm still the only one who knows how to work the microwave. See who makes your hot chocolate now!

Mike: He's been kicking my ass since he's been 3.

I'm tough.

Christina: I'm not too proud to beg for help.

GoingLikeSixty: This sounds like a job for Mr. Skin!

According to mrskin.com, she appears nude in 7 movies.

Because I'm a faithful public servant, these movies are:

First Born (2007)

Molly (1999)

Cousin Bette (1998)

The Trigger Effect (1996)

Leaving Las Vegas (1995)

Blind Justice (1994)

Radio Inside (1994)

ZOINKS!!

Going to update my Netflix queue now....

Mike: sorry...had a comment but got caught up in the Shue nudity shit.

Kellie: Destroying childhoods is what parents do best. It's in the handbook.

Becky: No one Bedazzles my boy!

Echououduduo: What makes it worse is that the kids sleep in the hall closet...so now it's pretty crowded with the trophies and shit.

Fiona: Thanks. And...done!

Hungry: Don't count on it, dude. My guess is that his kick is roughly the height of your jewels.

Dead Man Walking!

LBluca77 said...

I never thought I would ever be afraid of a 5 year old, but I think I might be now after seeing those trophies.

rs27 said...

The only good use for karate is uding those trophies to beat someone over the head.

thats real life.

Hippo_Lee_toe said...

congrats on your son! Already a winner :]

meleah rebeccah said...

Good for your son. He totally rules. I bet he will be able to kick YOUR ass one day....soon!

Biscuit said...

Yay li'l kickass dude!

Mmm...Elizabeth Shue nude!


You don't even want to know how long I sat here trying to turn that into a rhyming haiku. Alas...I suck.

catscratch said...

If you take the fun out of karate for the boy, he'll grow up and whip your ass with his mad skillz.

Malach the Merciless said...

So when does he take on Brock Lesnar for the title?

Related Posts with Thumbnails