"A Woman's Needs" - Oh...One More Thing | Mental Poo

Monday, February 23, 2009

"A Woman's Needs" - Oh...One More Thing

I love getting emails from my friends.

If not for this reason or this one, then for the following.

The other day, I got an email from my friend, Janet.

I used to work with Janet in Technical Support for an Internet Security Company.

On a related note:

Most of you people are fucking stupid.

Back to Janet:

She was the only woman in a group of guys - which included me.

As such, Janet learned a lot of new...um..."terms."

Janet never understood a single one.

Naive, she was.

So, every day, you would hear her get on the phone to her husband, Bill, and say stuff like:

"Honey - what's thing thing they call a 'penis?'"

Bill is not a lucky man.

Fine...she wasn't THAT bad.

But you would hear her call her husband trying to clarify some of the shit us guys were talking about.

"Hey..it's me. What's a 'Dirty Sanchez?'"

"Hey...me again. Do you know what a 'tossed salad' is?"

"Okay. The guys said you'd know what a 'shocker' is."

"Me again. Have you ever 'teabagged' me?"


Men are classy around ditzy broads.

So, Janet sends me and seven fucking hundred other people an email with a PowerPoint slide show.

It's called:

"A Woman's Needs"

(all men reading this simultaneously fall asleep)

Here it is:

From: Janet
To: (giant list of people Janet wanted to annoy)
Subject: A Woman's Needs


* cricket

Is this thing on?

Yeah. Fucking hilarious.

Not to be outdone...

...I replied:

From: Rodney
To: (Janet and her giant list of email recipients)
Subject: Something Else a Woman Needs

Hey Janet,

I thought of one more thing a woman needs.

I've taken the liberty of drawing it up for you and attaching it.

You're welcome.

P.S., ten bucks says you have to ask Bill what it means.


Then...I attached...this:

I wonder if she had to send it to her husband.

Poor bastard.

Any ditzy broads out there not figure it out yet?

Like I said...

...men are classy.

Now...open up.


Anonymous said...

On an unrelated note, I was at the car show this weekend, being shown a Jaguar by a really really really really really hot chick.

I tried to explain the concept of the last picture to her.

She told me if I drove a Jaguar that wouldn't be a problem.


Dr Zibbs said...

"2 in the pink - 1 in the stink"

I love that line but glad I clicked on your link to hear the other versions.

Dr Zibbs said...

"2 in the pink - 1 in the stink"

I love that line but glad I clicked on your link to hear the other versions.

Arielle Fragassi said...

Poor lady...but she did ask for it by sending that stupid e-mail.

Diva's Thoughts said...

Ummmm...I have no idea what a dirty sanchez is either. I guess I'm a ditzy broad too. lol

Rahul said...

This is why women should have computers.

Unless they are sending nudie pics.

fiona said...

Teeth around a chicken?
One legged chicken on your bottom lip?
Screaming about chickens?
I'm lost...help?

Anonymous said...

Your sensitivity to a colleague's educational needs is touching.

Blonde Goddess said...

A cock in her mouth...LOL! Good one Moog!

That, along with the stallion in her bed make up the list I would say every woman needs.

Except add huge quantities of "bear" in her fridge...

rachaelgking said...

How long did it take someone to draw ball hair on an etch-a-sketch?

Seriously, best hour ever spent, right there.

Anonymous said...

I have no idea what a 'Dirty Sanchez' is either.

But I do like the four animals a woman needs.

Coffeypot said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for that link to the Urban Dictionary. I will be browsing that jewell for classy man-u-risms for the next few years. Oh! Did I say thank you. If not, thank you. A lot!

LBluca77 said...

One of my guy friends had to tell me what a dirty sanchez was too. hey it is not like I hear the term all the time.

AngryMan said...

So true, so true.

Mike said...

Chicken lips?

A woman needs chicken lips?

At least you didn't show a rooster and a donkey.

Malach the Merciless said...

Ahh, a nice Chicken Dinner

Patyrish said...

That was a good come back.

I was proud that I actually got it right away!

Moooooog35 said...

Mike: Negative points to you for actually attending a car show.

Zibbs: I'm here for you.

Arielle: There are no poor ladies. You have the vagina...you have the power.

Poor men.

Tee: Hence, I give you links!!


Fiona: Preaching to the choir, my friend.

Fiona: BG figured it out. Scroll down.

Chris: I know. I'm a good friend.

Thanks for noticing.

BG: Figures you're the first one to figure it out. Wait...is that YOU in the pic?

LiLu: They give etch-a-sketch's out at a local restaurant for the kids to play with.

I'm SO doing this and handing it back.

Meleah: Funny. That's not what it says about you in the men's room.

Coffee: I accept PayPal.

Lbluca: Yeah. You didn't know. Okay.

Angry: Word.


Mike: Sometimes, you make me sad.

Malach: ..with Stove Top instead of potatoes!

Patyrish: My kind of gal, you are. My kind of gal.

Me said...

.suineg gnikcuf si tahT

Anonymous said...

Nice blog.

The Professor


I didn't know any of these...I clicked on the links...goodness me hahaha

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