Do You Like Me (check 'Yes/No') | Mental Poo

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Do You Like Me (check 'Yes/No')


Mike is a PLAYER.

Today, I bring you single men out there a valuable service.

No, it's not fellatio.

(that will cost you $5.99, six box-tops from your Cap'N Crunch Cereal, and you have to sign this waiver stating that you won't sue me if I drag my teeth)

** Special "Mental Poo" Clip-N-Save version **


One of the guys I work with sent me this via email:

*********************
"From: Mike T

When girls attempt to introduce us to their friends, we have them fill this form out.

Surprisingly it is batting 1000 and they eat it up."


**********************

He attached this:

(click to enlarge...that's what she said)



Awesome.

A blind date questionnaire.

When do you use this?

1) Does a girl want to set you up with her friend with the "great personality?"

This means she could potentially scare children without makeup...

...or has the ability to hide sandwiches under her fifth belly fold.

Mmmmm....

Sandwiches.

If so:

Hand her the form.


2) Does your sister have "an energetic friend with a great sense of humor?"

Sense of humor = unattractive.

Oh.

I have a great sense of humor.

But guys are allowed to be "super sexy" and "hot" and "premature ejaculators" without the stigma associated with a "great sense of humor."

My blog. My rules.

Suck it.

There is the odd case where "great sense of humor " accompanies "eh..maybe only two beers to bang it"...

...but those are few and far between.

But typically a GIRL being described as having a "great sense of humor" sight unseen?

This means that she's extremely annoying and - possibly - a man.

Hand her the form.


3) Hot chick in the bar tells you that her friend thinks you're hot and wants to buy you a drink?

No need for the form here.

The friend is the wing-woman for the hot chick and, therefore, is probably desperate and will do all kinds of crazy shit.

The later in the evening the crazier.

This may be the perfect time to test out The Cleveland Steamer.

You clicked on the link, didn't you?

The more you know.



Mike is saying that this questionnaire has been working for him.

I have to tell you...

I've smelled his penis up close, and believe he's telling the truth.

Yeah - I had to fill out the form first and he had to sign my waiver.

We're sticklers for shit like that.

27 comments:

Narm said...

The Cleveland Steamer is our currency up here in Northeast Ohio

Arielle said...

AAAAH I clicked on it! I can't imagine anyone actually doing that. Ugh, the smell, the mess, the clean-up....groooooss.

Blonde Goddess said...

YOU have smelled his penis close up? I don't even want to know....

Bon Don said...

Mmmm nothing like the smell of an up close penis in the morning yum.

LiLu said...

I am not clicking. I refuse to click. REFUSE.

LiLu said...

Okay, I clicked. Honestly, I'm disappointed. I was expecting SOME sort of visual.

Mike said...

LiLu: Expect visual next post. Moog is like that.

Mooog:

I never took you for a penis sniffer. You won't even cross swords.

Bastard.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

My question to you is this: What made you get that close to a penis, let alone sniff it?

LBluca77 said...

I draw the line at a cleveland steamer.

L'uragano (The Hurricane) said...

cleveland steamer. always an education. do i get college credit for the shit i learn here???

moooooog35 said...

Narm: Is that why you have the nickname, "The Cashier?"

Arielle: If you're willing to do that, I'm guessing the cleanup is pretty much a cakewalk.

LiLu: You want visuals for that, you'll have to draw them yourself...or photos...whatever you're into. I'm flexible.

Mike: Oh...I thought you were the Mike I was talking about in the story.

Who WAS that guy, then?!?

Mary: He offered some pretty good McDonald's coupons.

I'm a sucker for free fries.

Lbluca. Yeah. Okay. Sure you do.

Ten bucks says next week it's on your TMI Thursday.

Christina_the_wench said...

Does your friend Mike hear voices as well? How drunk WERE the chicks he presented this form to?

He is so full of shit. lol

I Hate Commercials said...

Whenever you hear the words "She's funny" or "She's really nice" run

Kellie said...

Weird. I never took you for a penis sniffer.

But LBluca is funny and hot. So I don't get your logic here.

moooooog35 said...

L'uragano: Sure. Send me your transcripts and I'' pop 'em right on.

Christina: I don't know if Mike hears voices or not. I'd ask him but he's currently on medication.

I Hate: tru dat. tru dat.

Kellie: Negative demerits to you!

I said there were "exceptions" for this very reason.

Now, negative demerits to me for using the term "negative demerits."

rs27 said...

That questionarie is missing so many vital questions

Bra Size
Trimming area
Give it up on first date.

Tell Mike he's setting up for a major fail.

fiona said...

I'm a sucker for free fries.

Aha, but do you swallow?

Malach the Merciless said...

I am so confused!

ettarose said...

No I did not click. The next time I cum up blank for inspiration I will be back and I will click. See, you are male and every female knows men are not to be trusted. I know, the check is in the mail. Right. I won't cum in your mouth. Yeah, like I said not to be trusted. Too funny!

moooooog35 said...

rs27: Dude - I read your blog, remember.

I think you may want to give this a go.

fiona: one wat to find out!

Wait. Um.

Ew.

Malach: Me too! Why?

Ettarose: ...mom...?

Susan said...

Um, I did have lots of comments, but Dude - you smelled Mike's penis up close? I'm quite confused and scared. Does Mike read this???

Me-Me King said...

Joan looks familiar to me. I believe she may have had a bit part in the movie "Deliverance".

Laughing Soul said...

Effing Hilarious

slainte

Jonas said...

hahaha, awesome ;D This and Watching Anime Online sure gives a nice saturday evening :D

Malicious Intent said...

I really don't know what to say.
*blink*

meleah rebeccah said...

I still cant get over the fact that chick in the PERSONALITY photo has a playboy bunny on her Tshirt.

Janna said...

Now that you're familiar with the scent, maybe you can get rich selling penis-scented air fresheners.

They could hang from the rear-view mirrors.

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