The Shittiest Rainbow | Mental Poo

Monday, April 27, 2009

The Shittiest Rainbow

Leprechaun is in da HIZZY!!!!

The Irish aren't very good at hip-hop.

But that's not what this is about.

My wife teaches at an inner-city school.

(queue music from that movie with Michelle Pfeiffer as a teacher in that rough school)




But you can't argue that Pfeiffer she's not Pfeiffer worth interrupting Pfeiffer your thoughts.


So my wife came home from work the other day and said to me:

"You know...some things just don't work in this school."

I assumed she meant "speaking English," or "not getting pregnant by age 7," or "killing another student for his fine, fine treads, yo."

Kindergarten is tough these days.


More like:

ABCDef...fuck this shit an' HAND OVER THE WALLET, BE-ATCH!.

I may or may not have just yelled that out loud here at work.

Oh. Look.

Human Resources is here.

Looks like "out loud" was probably the correct answer.


Back to the story.

So, my wife was referring to one of the activities she gave her kindergartners to do to teach them about colors and their individuality as people.

The activity is called:

The Rainbow of Me


That's just fucking precious.

The kids get a blank drawing of a rainbow.

They then have to color it in using the colors of certain things about them and make their very own "personalized rainbow."

So each section of the rainbow has a different thing about the child, like:

1) Favorite color
2) Color of their skin
3) Color of their eyes
4) Favorite color
5) Color of their hair

Normally...this is a good activity.


Remember where my wife teaches?


Inner-city school.

So, here's what she got:

(click to enlarge...that's what she said)


Jeez, Yamilex...

(Really?...Yamilex...? It sounds like a fucking anti-depressant)

Might colorful picture you got there.

Let's try another one:

Jesus Christ.

That rainbow is a sea of fucking brownness.

Adding insult to injury...

Liam here decides that the brown construction paper is the best way to go for mounting purposes.

Nice call, Liam.

You see, my wife neglected to realize when she passed this out...

...that all her students are Puerto Rican or Dominican.

A melting pot? Sure.

A melting pot of chocolately, cocoa goodness!

These Puerto Rican girls won't have flaming dyed red hair until they're at least 12 or so.

Maybe they should redo the rainbow activity then.

Or let their kids do it.

They'll have three of them by that age.


Mike said...

I wish I was an inner city teacher, or married to one.

It would be a break from the hick whitey shenanigans out here.


There's just so much banjo one can take.

Anonymous said...

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saratogajean said...

I like to imagine what Yamilex and Liam's favorite foods are.

Yamilex: poo (or pot roast)

Liam: pee (or corn)

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

That could possibly be the funniest post I've read in a very long time.

Yamilex is the stuff I take every day to keep my uterus from falling out. Swear to god.

I'm guessing a brown rainbow might still be better than, say, BLACK.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I lost my train of thought when I hit the collage of Michelle Pfeiffer. She's is so hot.

Christina_the_wench said...

Why is Mary's uterus falling out? And should I be concerned since my post is below hers?

Moooooog35 said...

Mike: -5 points for using the word 'shenanigans.'

AV: Thanks! I shall ignore it posthaste!

Saratoga: Maybe...just's corn in the poo.

Mary: You know, if you wouldn't have done that prostitution stint back in the 80's, your uterus would stay in just fine.

Free: You did the collage?

Wipe off your monitor.

Christina: I'm asking myself that same question.

I need to stop asking myself now. I'm getting sick.

DouglasDyer said...

In Liam's defense, I do most of my mounting on brown construction paper too. And clearly his favorite food is Joy dishwashing liquid.

alexa @clevelandsaplum said...

in the summer my rainbow would totally be all brown/black.

and im "white" said...

The rainbows look like a collage of colostomies. Must look pretty on the classroom wall.

fiona said...

I'm worried about Mary and her "prolapse" I think I have the same problem!
You know just one of those days when your uterus decides to take a wee wander...


Moooooog35 said...

Doug: I suppose that explains the Elmer's paste on your wiggly.

Alexa: mmmm...I smell leather.

Repli...: Collage of Colostomies would be a great name for a rock band.

Fiona: Holy fuckshit. Listen, when I have to Google something like 'ROYGBIV' it's more work than a comment should require.

Cut that shit out.

Greta said...

Even Liam's favorite color is brown! That kids creative!

Cindee said...

As a Dago with dark hair and dark eyes, I feel for these poor bastards.
My flippin' rainbow wouldn't be that colorful either, Moog, except for my favorite color: plaid.

Moooooog35 said...

Greta: He's taken the term 'down with brown' a wee bit too far.

Cindee: You're a Dago? You're made of clay?

"Dago, dago dago...I made you out of clay...dago, dago, dago...with dago I will play."

Love that song.

Coffeypot said...

You have to adjust the questions to the demographic. So in her case it would be:

What is the color of my mama’s favorite wig?
What is the color of the car I most want to steal?
What color is the joint in my pocket?
What color is cube of crack?
What color appears when I jab someone with my blade?

You know, stuff the little spicks can understand.

Unknown said...

sad funny sad funny sad funny. I am feeling a little manic depressive after reading that post. I am guessing chocolate and bananas are the favorite foods? what else is yellow?

rachaelgking said...


Now I want chocolate.

Susan said...

That is hysterical.


That's all I'm sayin' today.

Janna said...

Yamilex spelled backward is Xelimay.
Which almost sounds better...
But not quite.


Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, are you sure you wife don't work with me?

FawkesFire said...

oh dear. Chocolate rainbows.

meleah rebeccah said...

I cant even comment I am laughing too hard, I should know better than to read all of your blog posts in one sitting.

*insert rib cage pain*

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