I hate driving.
In fact, if I didn't hate freaky liberal fucking environmentalists SO much to want to piss them off on purpose, I'd probably leave my 1972 Cadillac at home and ride a bike.
I get ass-sweat pretty easily.
Plus I really like pissing off hippies.
Scratch the whole 'bike' thing.
Sometimes I don't think before I type.
Meatballs in gravy are the antichrist!
Case in point.
The other day, I was driving to work...
(yes, male prostitutes sometimes drive to their "Janes")
...and noticed that the car in front of me had a vanity plate.
For the record:
I H8 Vanity Pl8s.
This plate said:
You sad, sad piece of shit.
I didn't realize that the freaky old lady in the neighborhood actually owned a car.
I thought she just stayed in, got "Meals on Wheels," watched Judge Judy, and every so often showed us her big dangly boobs out her front picture window.
3 p.m sharp on the second Tuesday of every month.
Don't ask me how I know that.
On a related note, that chair is reserving my spot. Touch it and die!
I began thinking of alternate plates this person could have gotten.
You know, instead of displaying to the world that this person has "5CATS".
Some valid alternatives might be like:
This means "Aroused by Cats"
I realize that there are too many characters in this one, but this may be applicable if said user has two cars and can break it up (doubtful - see "ALONE" plate above) or lives in Sweden.
I believe this is what Lindsay Lohan got as a vanity plate after switching teams.
She originally had:
Actually, I could probably get that one.
The former one...the 'PSSY' one...not the latter 'MMM-DICK' one.
Why? What have you heard?
IT'S ALL VICIOUS RUMOR! PICTURES CAN BE FAKED!
I was thinking, though, that this last one would be for the sad, alone, male felinophile who needs some serious, serious help.
I know you're out there, dude.
Maybe I can hook you up with the freaky lady in my neighborhood.
You can share a Meal on Wheels and watch Judge Judy together.
Let me know if you need me to pick you up.
I'm looking for another excuse to take the Caddy out for a drive.