I'm Here, I'm Que...wait..wait...nevermind. I'm just here. | Mental Poo

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I'm Here, I'm Que...wait..wait...nevermind. I'm just here.


Like a terminal case of Herpes, I'm back.

But with less open sores and more minty freshness.

Great.

Now I want herpes.

I've digressed.

I'm still pulling my shit together after sitting more than 20 fucking hours in a car between the three locations we traveled to while my kids sat in the back singing and fighting and then making up knock-knock jokes like this:

Son: Knock knock.

Daughter: Who's there?

Son: Ketchup.

Daughter: Ketchup who?

Son: The hot dog was trying to, like, ketchup with the others. You know...it's like, 'catch up' but instead I said 'ketchup!' Get it?

Both kids die laughing.

This went on for 20 fucking hours.

On a related note:

I'm not sure I fully wiped off my fingerprints or hid the kids' bodies well enough.

KIDDING!! KIDDING!!

I hid them really well.

It's not like I'm a novice or anything.

Um...

Perhaps I've said too much.


So, yes...I'm still in recovery from the trip.

But I'm working on a few things that include such topics as:

1) The Gaylord Rehabilitation Center

2) The true meaning of 'Duty Free'

3) Having wine and lube and feathers delivered to my hotel room in Toronto and watching the bellman's face when he realizes my kids are sharing the same room.

Good times, good times.

Leave me be, now.

I hear sirens.

I mean, um...

...I have to write these posts.

Moog out.

18 comments:

Blonde Goddess said...

We drug our children before travelling Moog. I'm shocked that you don't do the same. Benadryl, Dramamine and cheap whiskey can all be purchased legally and will make for a much more pleasant trip.
BONUS: They can also be used to drug spouse OR yourself if necessary.

Remember me if you win the lottery...I'm a valuable friend to have.

Allanah said...

Obviously your kids take after you in the humour stakes :P

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

That's better than my kids' knock-knock jokes. They would go like this:

1) Knock knock.

2) Whose there?

3) Ketchup.

4) Ketchup who?

5) Ketchup you!

6) Daddy jams fork in temple.

FawkesFire said...

I'm a bit worried about topic #3....that's going to be a fun post....get some rest and again, welcome home.

LBluca77 said...

Your kids didn't pull the "Are we there yet?" every 5 minutes? We used to do that on family trips. I still have the scars from being smack.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

I'm glad you survived the trip. I think.

moooooog35 said...

BG: Thank you for the tip. However, I will never do this again.

So, thanks for being late.

Allanah: Humor stakes? Isn't that how you'd kill a comedian vampire?

Thank you!

Mjenks: I tried the same thing but all I had was a spork.

Fawkes: Thank you...I've been trying to rest today, but my boss keeps making me work.

Asshole.

Lbluca: Not every 5 minutes, no. Maybe, like, every 25.

I shall take the 'hitting kids' suggestion under advisement.

Tee: Me too. I think. Now I'm confused.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Welcome back! Sounds like you had a reasonably normal car trip.

Catsup . . . your kids are hilarious!

LiLu said...

"Now I want herpes."

I know a guy...

Funnyrunner said...

oh, man. Now I want herpes, too.

yup. car trips with the kids. loads of fun and excitement for all.... betcha need a vacation now...

Narm said...

I'm not really sure if there is a Chris Hansen joke here or not so I'll just leave it be.

VE said...

You need the "VE Ear Filters" for a trip like that. They filter out the word "like" from you hearing it and guess what? Nothing but peace and quiet from the back...

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

Totally with ya on the herpes thing...sounds fantastic...lol!

The Demigoddess said...

I'd love to know the true meaning of Duty Free. I'm sure it's got to do with taxes but it could also mean Job-free..I like the second meaning.

meleah rebeccah said...

I cant WAIT to read your latest vacation blog posts!

Welcome Home

justjp said...

I love ordering random things from room service. "Can you bring me a box of magnums, a live chicken, and a can of gold spray paint?"

Malach the Merciless said...

Hey, it's Canada, there are no laws in Canada

Funnyrunner said...

an award? for you? yes! Come pick it up over at LLOL

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