Joe and the Automatic Toilets | Mental Poo

Monday, July 06, 2009

Joe and the Automatic Toilets

Joe and the Automatic Toilets.

(just realizing now that the title of this post would be a great name for a rock band)

In my new job, sadly, Joe isn't here.

(for a brush-up on Joe, check here and here)

I have Kristin, but all she does is email me about her poo.

Thanks, Kristin.

Nothing brightens my day more than hearing about how a woman has violently evacuated her bowels.

Awesome.

Apparently, though, this "let's tell Rodney about my shit" trend has caught on with my other friends.

I'm so happy.

Here is an instant message I got the other day from Joe.

Out of the blue...I get...

This:

(no 'hi'...no 'hey'...no 'you there?'...just...this...)

********************

Joe: so they put in these automatically flushing toilets at work, which is great because it's one less thing I have to think about

Joe: but I find myself missing the experience of being able to take a step back and admiring my handiwork

Joe: I used to be able to check it out and have a real feeling of accomplishment, like I just built a birdhouse or something

Joe: now I have to quickly sneak a peak while it all spins away

Joe: there's something that modern society misses out on when we install all these new-fangled technologies

******************

* blink

* blink blink

My response:

******************

midgetmanofsteel: you're a freak, Joe

******************

Luckily for me, we don't have these automatically flushing toilets at my new job.

So I get to admire my handiwork as long as I want.

Sometimes, this admiration period could take upwards of a half-hour.

Longer if there's colors.

I like colors.

Let me know if you're interested, and I'll send you pictures.

Now excuse me...

...I gotta go build me a birdhouse.

18 comments:

Mike said...

Joe is a true master. I salute him.

justjp said...

It like you have to be a poo ninja these days.

FawkesFire said...

*blink*

Well, I admit I never thought I'd be reading a blog about admiring your own poo, but hey...just goes to show today will be a interesting day....or really, really horrifying. I'm thinking number two......

hey look, I made a joke....number two....I'm gonna go cry now....

Christina_the_wench said...

I'm horrified at the moment trying to imagine what you'd have to eat (besides corn) to create colors.

Wait.
Do I want to know right before lunch?

Becky..AMHW said...

Suddenly I'm craving beets.

LiLu said...

I'm seeing red today.

It was a LONG weekend.

Olly said...

I bought this neon coloured ice cream for my kid's party once. Had to warn all the parents not to freak out about the results. I little embarrassing...

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I see Joe and I have similar post-wiping traditions.

Nothing makes me feel quite so good about myself as launching some Nessie-looking turdlog and thinking "Whew...glad that's out. What's for lunch?"

DouglasDyer said...

BULLSHIT! Anyone with a basic knowledge of counterweights, pulleys, and light refraction can rig an automatic toilet not to flush. Jeez you hang around with some morons.

meleah rebeccah said...

I am NOT a fan of Automatic Toilets. But I am a fan of making "Joe and the Automatic Toilets" the name of a rock band. And I will have to agree with you. Joe is a freak.

[and, I am also guilty of being one of those people the feels its OKAY to share my 'shitty' stories with YOU.]

Swirl Girl said...

You had me 'longer , if there's colors'

let's not even talk about corn.

moooooog35 said...

Mike: You have no idea.

justjp: Poo Ninjas? Damn..rock band names are just flying off the wall today.

Fawkes: What do YOU do? Flush it while averting your gaze?!

Amateur.

Christina: Stay tuned...got an upcoming post to answer that VERY question.

My life is empty.

Becky: That makes one person.

Lilu: That bleeding kidney COULD be telling you something!

Olly: * insert radioactive detector clicks here

Mjenks: Wouldn't that be awesome if THAT was the real Nessie photo hoax?

Doug: I was wondering what that set of TinkerToys was doing in the men's room...

Meleah: Ah, a woman who admires her handiwork too?

* wink

Swirl: I had corn yesterday.

I'm sending you photos now.

You're welcome.

Chris Wood said...

Admiring your turds is a very important pastime. It builds good self esteem.

coffeypot said...

Well you don't have to worry about me posting about my shits. I haven't had one today and I ready to rip the head off my cat and drop kick its body into the backyard. I need one bad.

FawkesFire said...

Hey! it's not as if I don't acknowledge my poop's presence and its role in my life, but I do not gaze at it fondly and name them....that's all. geez.

You name yours....don't you? fess up Moog, I know you do....

Winky Twinky said...

*blink*

uhhhhh....

*blink blink*

...actually, we have those dastardly things where I work, and more often than not they are sadly in need of battery replacement -- thus... observation of one's "achievement" can be admired for four or five flush tries...

In my opinion, that's more than enough time for pooey nostalgia.

...I'm Just Sayin... ;)

lbluca77 said...

I have had this conversation with my friends about the entire 'looking" after the deed is done. We all look. It's true. Even girls look. Have I shattered your image of woman everywhere?

CatLadyLarew said...

What I REALLY hate about those automatic toilets is that not only do you miss the satisfaction of admiring your handiwork, but they often go off right in the middle of when you're doing your most creative work. How are you supposed to concentrate on creating a work of art when that shit's happening?

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