I'm outta here.
Actually...I left yesterday.
To my darling prostitute, Glenda:
I'll have to pay you when I get back. You will find your ball gag and anal beads in the top right drawer. You may want to wash the ball gag, as I think I may have mixed the two up.
They hate when you pull that shit.
The family and I have headed out on our yearly vacation together.
This year, we're off to the following destinations:
1) Three nights in New York City
New York City's Motto:
HEY, Asshole. Go fuck yourself! Badabing Badaboom!
They have long bumper stickers.
New York ain't that bad.
It's like watching 'Emeril' but with guns and hookers and musicals and shit.
And a little less garlic.
2) Two nights at Niagara Falls
I haven't been to Niagara Falls since I was a little kid.
When I say 'little' I mean 'giant fat piece of shit.'
How I didn't wash down my three Big Mac's for lunch every day with the cubic volume of the fucking Horseshoe Falls is still a mystery.
3) Two nights in Toronto
This is the cool part.
There are a ton of awesome strip joints in Toronto.
But, unfortunately, that's not why we're going. Actually, that's not why my wife and kids are going.
I still plan on sneaking out when everyone's sleeping.
Maybe I shouldn't have written that part down.
We're going to see the Red Sox play the Blue Jays.
My kids are psyched.
I am too.
I hear there's a strip joint right next door.
I mean...a..um...a great bratwurst place. There's a place there that sells great bratwurst.
Stupid stream of consciousness.
While I'm gone, I'll be reposting some of my older posts that are either vacation or business-travel related.
Some of these posts never got the exposure that they should.
Like my prostitute, Glenda.
I really got to remember to pay that bitch when I get back.
Enjoy your week, folks.
And remember...the anal beads are the SMALL ones.
Monday, July 13, 2009