The Mental Poo Whirlwind Family Tour | Mental Poo

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Mental Poo Whirlwind Family Tour

I'm outta here.

Actually...I left yesterday.

To my darling prostitute, Glenda:

I'll have to pay you when I get back. You will find your ball gag and anal beads in the top right drawer. You may want to wash the ball gag, as I think I may have mixed the two up.

They hate when you pull that shit.

The family and I have headed out on our yearly vacation together.

This year, we're off to the following destinations:

1) Three nights in New York City

New York City's Motto:

HEY, Asshole. Go fuck yourself! Badabing Badaboom!

They have long bumper stickers.

New York ain't that bad.

It's like watching 'Emeril' but with guns and hookers and musicals and shit.

And a little less garlic.

2) Two nights at Niagara Falls

I haven't been to Niagara Falls since I was a little kid.

When I say 'little' I mean 'giant fat piece of shit.'

How I didn't wash down my three Big Mac's for lunch every day with the cubic volume of the fucking Horseshoe Falls is still a mystery.

3) Two nights in Toronto

This is the cool part.

There are a ton of awesome strip joints in Toronto.

But, unfortunately, that's not why we're going. Actually, that's not why my wife and kids are going.

I still plan on sneaking out when everyone's sleeping.

Maybe I shouldn't have written that part down.


We're going to see the Red Sox play the Blue Jays.

My kids are psyched.

I am too.

I hear there's a strip joint right next door.

I great bratwurst place. There's a place there that sells great bratwurst.

Stupid stream of consciousness.

While I'm gone, I'll be reposting some of my older posts that are either vacation or business-travel related.

Some of these posts never got the exposure that they should.

Like my prostitute, Glenda.

I really got to remember to pay that bitch when I get back.

Enjoy your week, folks.

And remember...the anal beads are the SMALL ones.

Moog out.


The Peach Tart said...

Enjoy your vacation....glad you clarified that about the anal beads

Christina_the_wench said...

I thought that house arrest thingy prevented you from traveling? No? Well hell. Enjoy the strip joint, er, bratwurst place. We expect pictures when you return unless they get confiscated at the border again.

Mike said...

You're going to be an hour away from me when you're in Toronto.

I already feel the twitch coming on.

As an aside, you want to go to the Whisky A Go Go in Vaughn, just north of Toronto.

They have all the best whores and to prove it, they also have thousands of dollars of my money.

Good thing you're doing Toronto at the end of the trip. If you did it at the beginning you wouldn't have any money left.

FawkesFire said...

have fun! I'd normally come up with some smart ass comment right here, but I really do hope you have fun. take care.

Sass said...

I'm worried that you're confusing a Bratwurst place and a strip joint.

Are you sure those are FEMALE strippers?

I'm just sayin'.

LBluca77 said...

New York and the Red Sox. Please adopt me so I can go on this vacation too. I would say I would even call you daddy but you would probably like that.

rachaelgking said...


You made her dress up like the Good Witch, didn't you?

Swirl Girl said...

can't wait to hear how you pooped in French...accidentally in the bidet.

Coffeypot said...

Anal beads are just a rosary without a cross, but a ball-gag is a ball-gag. Mumph moo yimph.

Enjoy your vacation, but be aware, they talk funny in Montréal.

Malicious Intent said...

NYC??? Skip that, go straight for the falls. I never was really impressed with NYC. Unless you like loud, smelly, crowded, rude, dirty little people.

Unknown said...

enjoy your vacation, safely. (wear condoms with the hookers)

Unknown said...

NYC? I loved it. The Falls I have never seen and Toronto? Nah, I can do my own stripping. Have a great time and I am not too sure you should not stop in and see the Spaz man. Now THAT would be cool!

meleah rebeccah said...

Enjoy! I am already looking forward to reading the blog posts about your vacation!

Malach the Merciless said...

Emeril is from Fall River, if you have ever been, Fall River could be a suburb in New Jersey

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