How my wife deals with teaching kindergarten at an inner-city school is beyond me.
She puts up with a lot, like:
1) Tantrums
2) Unintelligible conversations
3) Whining
4) Unrelenting verbal Abuse
And that's just when I call her cell phone.
Imagine what the kids who can't speak English do.
Crazy fucking shit, my friends.
Fo shizzle.
But, she also gives me a lot of fodder for this blog.
Like today.
One of the parents had to fill out some form that the school required.
I believe that conversation went like this:
Wife: "You have to fill out this form."
Parent: "Que?"
Wife: "YOU. HAVE. TO. FILL. OUT. THIS. FORM."
(it works better if you speak loud and slow to immigrants)
Parent: "Que?...Eh...er...potato potato potato potato."
(I believe all Spanish I've ever heard sounds just like the word 'potato' over and over again...TRY IT AT HOME, KIDS!)
Somehow, my wife got them to sign the form.
Or, as they say in Spanish, "Goya de Cerveza."
Regardless...here's the form.
Nothing worthy to note here, really.
Except the "Occupation" section.
Look closely.
(click to enlarge (that's what she said))
Um.
Occupation...
McDonald's ASSMAN?
Awesome.
Is this actually a position?!
And, if so...
Why the fuck am I working here?!
Oh. Yeah.
No zits and I can afford to buy gas.
But really...
Can I be a McDonald's AssMan?!
I'm really more of a boob guy, but if this is all that's open...
Wife: "I think he meant 'Assistant Manager.'"
Um.
Oh.
Dammit.
I'm still calling Kentucky Fried Chicken, anyway.
They HAVE to have someone in charge of breasts.
Clear skin is overrated anyway.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Ronald McDonald was an Assman
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25 comments:
Lordy. I wonder if the Burger King king needs a fluffer? Nevermind. That dude is scary as hell.
When I was in the 7th grade, I worked on the school paper. We interviewed the new Assistant Principal. We ended up crunched for space, so we did some clever abbreviations.
It ended up "Jay Peters has been an Ass. Principal for many years..."
Proudest moment of my life.
I think my two little step-sons are on their way to professional ASSMAN positions.
Seriously.
They take after their dad in many ways.
ROFLMAO!! Yeah, I'm at work reading this...and suddenly my morning beverage shoots out my nose (ouch)... thanks for the laugh
At my last job, we deliberately called our assistant manager the AssMan. He was too, so it worked.
Naw man, you don't want to get paid for being an assman. That takes all the fun out of it. It's like being a gynecologist.
In the assman position you will be required to walk up to customers and say "pound it fo' shiz"
Eating to much mcdonalds will give ya an ass to remember. Wouldn't blame them for havin an ass man around. Oh and they are hiring me for KFC, so better luck next time.. lol
Yep, those forms can be hilarious. Assman indeed. I got your two all beef patties RIGHT HERE.
Christina: Nothing says 'class' like a chick who throws around words like 'fluffer.'
See you at the double-wide RV show!
Mike: Bloo?
Mjenks: Nice. I wonder if other careers or hobbies have assistants.
Like...
Explorers: Ass Explorer
Food tasters: Ass Taster
Discuss.
Susan: So your husband goes spelunking?
Winky: Mental Poo: Nasal spray for the sick minded fuck in you.
inkpuddle: Sometimes, the title fits.
Like mine:
"Brad Pitt."
See?
Doug: I fail to see your point.
justjp: Aah..the voice of experience.
Lady: I can't believe you scored the job. By the way, I'll have the 3 piece original and a side of slaw.
Reach for the stars!
Chris: Worst. Possible. Visual.
Tee: It's like I'm heroin but instead of track marks I leave herpes sores.
Perhaps I've said too much.
Seems like KFC gives you more to choose from whether you are a breast man, thigh man, wing man(?). Not really sure if they sell chicken asses, but I'm sure at McDonalds that "ground beef" contains a little processed cow ass
Don't hate on the gingham! If it's good enough for Andre, it's good enough for you!
Your wife is hot. And really all you need to know how to say in spanish is Cerveza por favor and donde es el bano? Good luck becoming the KFC Assman. Your wife will be so proud.
Assman! Ahahhhahhaa.
I think ASSMAN was also a car license plate on an episode of Seinfeld. Maybe he saw it the night before signing that form?
Ronald McDonalds assman would hurt.
well, I was having a pretty bad day until I read this. made me smile. Thanks for the blog, Moog. ask her if she has anyone working at Arby's who is a fluffer, or a Pizza Hut Boob Inspector.
not nice =/
I can tell your a big supporter of immigrants
Wow, so I've had a job all this time and didn't even know it. Thanks, McDonalds!
lol!
I took an application once that had 'boutog' which he said meant butcher. and 'carsales' which meant car salesman.
I can't lie: I sat here and said, "potatopotatopotatopotato" out loud.
You are indeed correct: Instant Spanish!!
You should definitely patent that before it gets around the internet.
Bird Shit: You know...I wasn't in the mood for a burger until you said 'processed cow ass.'
Starving now. Thank you.
Lilu: Thank you for completely confusing me at 7 a.m.
Kellie: My wife should already be proud.
Humor and looks like this don't come around every day.
Sometimes I make myself laugh.
Meleah: Kramer = Assman.
You are correct. You win nothing.
rs27: ..and you know this...how..?
Stacie: I know...it says that about you in the men's room.
I wrote it.
Fawkes: Arby's? You missed an entire 'roast beef' reference here.
Negative 10 points for you.
That Girl: Wow...you must be new here.
Not nice is my bread and butter.
That and chicks with no self esteem.
Malach: I completely support them.
And by 'completely support' I mean 'want them out.'
Phil: I THOUGHT my fries tasted funny.
Condescending: Send them over to Malach...apparently, he feels that English is optional.
Courtney: See? People think I just make shit like that up.
I do. But it's true. So it becomes legend.
I hear that Ronald got his stroke learning all of the Hamburglar's moves... apparently, hamburgers aren't the only thing he has burgled...
Would McDonald's hire a woman to be an AssMan?
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