Just a goddamn rant today.
To celebrate this rant, I'm beginning a new series called:
Like Martha Stewart always says:
"Burning, relentless, pure unadulterated hatred. It's a good thing."
She has a tattoo of that on the small of her back given to her by a chick named 'Ella' during her prison stint.
I'm in the know.
Today's episode of FU Day:
FU, You Lazy Fucks
That's right, folks.
Let's all raise a mighty middle finger and give a hearty "F.U." to:
1) People who take the elevator up ONE fucking floor when the stairs are clearly visible
You HAVE to take the elevator?
Is all the whipped cream on that cappuccino weighing you down?
It's, like, 20 fucking steps you lazy piece of shit.
You get winded taking the stairs.
You know why?
You know why you get winded?
BECAUSE YOU TAKE THE FUCKING ELEVATOR UP ONE FLOOR.
Cardio: it's not just for sweaty, glistening hot chicks in spandex anymore.
Although, seriously, we DO prefer it that way.
2) These same people taking the fucking elevator DOWN one floor
Now you're just being silly.
3) Asshats who leave their weights loaded on bars in the gym or scattered around the fucking place
This is exactly what I wanted to see when I walked in here.
How else would I want to start my workout?
You got it!
I TOTALLY wanted to spend the first fifteen minutes of my lunch hour in the gym unloading all your goddamn fucking weights so I can use the equipment and trying to hunt down the other 25-pound dumbbell.
Me: "Fuck. Me. Well...I've got one dumbbell....let's see if we can find the other one..."
* Fifteen minutes later *
Me: "Olly olly oxen free!"
Me: "Come out, come out wherever you are Mr. Dumbbell!"
Me: "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE OTHER 25 POUND DUMBBELL?!?!?"
Guy on treadmill: "Maybe you should leave."
Maybe I should leave.
Maybe I should leave and go find the asshole who left all his goddamn shit for me to put away and then apparently hid the other fucking dumbbell in the magical land of Narnia.
I think I know where to find him.
I'm guessing he's taking the elevator to the second floor.
Which is where they'll find the body.
With a 25 pound dumbbell shoved up his lazy ass.