Rocket Can | Mental Poo

Monday, August 17, 2009

Rocket Can


She's a regular PicASSo.

My daughter.

Here's what I came home to the other day:

Wife: "WHO'S RED HAIR IS THIS IN YOUR BOXERS?!? WHY IS THERE A CONDOM IN YOUR WALLET?!?! YOU HAD A VASECTOMY!!"

Whoops.

Wrong day.

AshleyMadison.com

Discrete, my ass.

I've digressed.


Here's what I came home to the other day:

Daughter: "Dad..you have to see what I drew today."

Me: "Is it divorce papers? I'm guessing your mom had you draw up divorce papers."

Seriously, AshleyMadison...

That shit was supposed to be confidential!

Regardless...

Nope.

Not divorce papers.

Here's what my daughter drew on her whiteboard in her room:

(click to make bigger (that's what she said)):


The caption she wrote:

"It's Daddy going to the bathroom. I know this is inapropeit, but it is really funny!!!!"

Ha. Ha.

Shit like this is why some species eat their fucking young.

Also, I'll ignore the fact that my 8 year old misspelled 'inappropriate.'

Well..not 'ignore.'

I mean, she still needs to be beaten for making such a blatant mistake.

Parenting means making the tough choices.

Actually...it's pretty funny.

Let's take a closer look:


Nicely done.

Then she explained that I was reading a magazine on the shitter (actually, she said, "While you're taking a shit")...

...and that the squiggly lines under the toilet were flames.

Yes.

Flames.


Apparently, either my toilet flies like a rocket ship...

...or I just had Jambalaya for dinner.

I think I just coined the phrase, "Rocket Shit."

This is the phenomenon where you poo with such great force that you actually achieve liftoff.

This is how Criss Angel levitates.

This also explains his lack of an entourage and why his investment portfolio is mainly comprised of Depends Undergarment stock.


My daughter only got one thing wrong, though.

Look at the face:


Who the fuck smiles when they're shitting?

I mean, sure, I'm reading "Juggs Magazine."

But even then I'm usually jerkin' my gherkin'...

...and when I'm doing that...

...it's all business, baby.

No.

When I'm pooping, I usually look like this:


Ah.

That's more like it.

K. Gotta go free the slaves.

Anyone see my Juggs Magazine?

30 comments:

Malicious Intent said...

Apple don't fall to far from the tree. You poor poor bastard. You are so screwed. She is going to destroy you as she gets older. She obviously has a lot of her Daddy in her, but smart like her Mommy. Deadly combo.

I'll light a candle for you. Besides, I think that is proper etiquette after taking a Rocket Shit.

Christina_the_wench said...

Do you have white shit coming out of your mouth like Stallone too? Ew.

Mike said...

I can't wait to read 'little mental poop's' blog in 20 years.

If I'm still alive.

I'll be 50 in 20 years, and that's pretty old I hear.

If I was Sudanese.

Which I'm not.

The Peach Tart said...

That little one is going to be a handful. She has quite the twisted sense of humor. Wonder where she got it?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Since everything is done in deep red, does that mean you've been eating Chinese food again?

Mango Girl said...

She is quite the clever little lass. Looks like she has you pegged.

ettarose said...

Ye reap what you sow my dear Moooooog. You will never stop crying.

moooooog35 said...

MI: She has a lot of her daddy in her?

Wow...remembering your childhood, are you?

Christina: Only if I aim badly.

Mike: Well..there goes the whole 'Sudanese' stripper-gram I was sending you.

Peach: You need to teach them bad humor at an early age..otherwise, it's so hard to do it when they're older.

Helpful tip.

You're welcome.

Mjenks: Yes. Extra spicy. Also explains the flames.

Mango: My kids are nothing if not way too observant about my defecations.

Man. That sounded better in my head.

Ettarose: Reap? Sow? When did this become the farming channel?

Anonymous said...

So no one is commenting on the girl on the Juggs magazine is in a wheelchair and wearing a knee brace??? I know that's not exactly what you're looking at, but I had no idea Juggs was so PC. Maybe I should re-think my husband's request for a subscription! ha

Gauche said...

well, I just spent the last twenty minutes laughing. Thank you for this, Moog. All I can say is this....man, you're gonna have a handful when she gets old enough to have a blog of her own. Then we'll all get to read lovely blogs with titles like: "The Science Behind Flaming Poo" and "Why my Dad screams "Adrian!! I did it!!!" in the Bathroom."

Good Luck, Moog.

justjp said...

What really gets me on this one, is that your daughter witnessed you long enough to understand the concept of fire ass.

Steph said...

The question is who DOESN'T smile when they poop? The sweet satisfaction of release? Come on

Becky..AMHW said...

I am the wife of a public school teacher and I know exactly what happens when one sniffs whiteboard markers.

BTW, if you're taking flaming shits you may consider more homeowner's insurance.

Swirl Girl said...

I am laughing out loud again...actually snorting.

snot rockets out of my nose

Skippy said...

wow...now that is some funny shit...pun intended. Can't wait to see what she draws next.

moooooog35 said...

Anonymous: Holy shit...didn't even notice that.

Makes me feel bad for pushing that chick down the stairs.

Gauche: I don't think they'll let you have a computer in the asylum.

justjp: I like to leave the door open.

Being trapped in there too long without ventilation is just asking for an explosion.

Steph: Women don't smile when they poop.

Because women don't poop.

Have I taught you people NOTHING?!?

Becky; I, too, am the wife of a public school teacher.

I mean, um, husband.

I've shown my hand, didn't I.

Swirl: You sound hot.

Skippy: Yeah...me either. Oh..look...I'm masturbating. Fantastic.

Malicious Intent said...

That was low.

moooooog35 said...

MI:Lady...I'm 5'2" tall.

Low is pretty much my only thing.

Like you expected anything else.

Jill Pilgrim said...

Dude, I think that sink is going to eat you.

meleah rebeccah said...

Your daughter is hilarious. And adorable. I loved her rendition of you in the bathroom!

Malach the Merciless said...

So did the girl draw it with your feces too?

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Dude, the Rocky picture nearly killed me. Great shit, no pun intended, and your daughter is awesome.

"I know this is inappropriate, but it's funny!" Hell, that could be my life's mission statement.

moooooog35 said...

Jill: I'm more worried about the crippled chick with the giant boobs.

Well..less worried and more excited, actually.

I forget where I was going with that.

Meleah: My kids...they torture me.

Typical kids.

Malach: Hey..hey...let's not drag your wife into this.

Chris: I'm actually a fan of the Rocky picture, too.

Who knew Stallone would look so appropriate dropping a deuce?

Steph said...

You've never met me. I'm a poop smiler. I'm a different breed of woman

Hopers said...

I think that your daughter has finally learned that most funny shit is only funny because it's inappropriate. Or inapropeit. Whichever. They're both pretty hysterical.

BrazenBareToe said...

This is very appropriately funny! Is that a handle with a chili pepper on it next to you in the chair? So you can hold on to it while you take off in your rocket.

Kellie said...

Yo, Adrian, check this shit out.

Collette said...

I can just imagine the family in a few years. The moooooog family camping trip will be remembered for years to come!

Bamboo said...

Adrian!!!! Cracking me up.

Sheley said...

My daughter's now 13, but she learned to say shit when she was, oh, still using diapers instead of flaming rocket toilets. Don't know where she heard it.

She would start saying it at the top of her lungs for no apparent reason, usually in the grocery store, in the park, wherever she had an audience. That was a fun few months. Because when someone laughed, she said it more. And louder.

The drawing is precious. Laminate it so it's still in good condition when she's old enough to date, and then threaten to show it to everyone she brings home.

Related Posts with Thumbnails