When Facebook Needs a Paper Bag | Mental Poo

Monday, August 10, 2009

When Facebook Needs a Paper Bag

You know...some posts just write themselves.

By the way...

I'm on Facebook.

Now, now...I don't want you all running to your accounts and adding me as your 'friend' because, frankly, I don't pay attention to it.

Although, friends would be nice.

I'm getting sick of these sock puppets.

These dirty, naughty, sock puppets.

My penis has rug burn.


What was I talking about?



So, I DO have an account...but it's pretty much hard to find and get to on purpose.

This is because I don't pay attention to it...

...otherwise I'd have to go and do the stupid shit like:

'Jimmy wants to slap you on the ass' thing and THEN have to either:

a) Accept Jimmy's slap on the ass (gay)

b) Slap Jimmy back on the ass (gay)

c) Ignore Jimmy's request to slap me in the ass (straight)

d) Figure out who the fuck this Jimmy guy is who wants to touch my ass (bi)

Frankly, I don't have the time or the clearance based on these restraining orders to do all that shit.

So...I don't.

But I got this email the other day:

(click to enlarge...that's what she said)

Lisa Loomis added me as a friend on Facebook.


The day I've been waiting for has finally arrived!

This begs the question:

Who the fuck is Lisa Loomis?

Curious...I clicked on the link...

Ladies and gentlemen...

Here..in all her wonderful glory...

Lisa Loomis:

Honestly...I have not a single clue who this person is..

..or if it's real.

Because, if this is real...I feel bad continuing with this post.

On a related note:

I make myself laugh sometimes.

Regardless...here are Lisa's details:

(click to enlarge..again)


My name is Lisa. I am self-employed and work from my home. When Im not working, I enjoy spending time with my dogs, hiking, cooking, waxing my car. Im making alot of progress in therapy.


"..waxing my car" and "Im making a lot of progress in therapy"

I'm not making this up.


When I first clicked on this, Lisa's "info" included that she liked dogs, hiking, cooking, and self-mutilation.

I swear to God.

Sometimes, the Gods of humor just open up the skies to me.

Let's keep going:


Running my busness, Training my dogs, cooking new recipes, collecting comics, Watching old Movies, reading about mythological beasts, working on my car, meeting People, wrestling



Reading about mythological beasts...

...and wrestling.

The two qualities I look for most in a woman.


Lisa...if you're real, I'm sorry.

If not...holy fuckshit...you made me fucking laugh you crazy bitch.

Thanks for being my friend.



Skippy said...

I think this Facebook thing has a mind of its own. Thank god my work blocks it, or I would trolling around all day looking for scavenger hunt items, tending my Farmville Farm and/or playing Bejewled Blitz. I actually have a post on our blog about my mom being on Facebook. You should check it out.

Mike said...

You should totally poke that chick. I mean, she IS into self mutilation, right?

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA!! The picture where you circle poke with "I don't think so" had me laughing so hard. You're posts regularly do this for me!

Malicious Intent said...

I like go to hunting on the full moon of each month for caribou. Although, I cannot seem to find caribou in the mid-north east, which is disappointing.

I also like to play with knives and collect broken beer bottles. My favorite tv shows are Mork and Mindy, Jeopardy, and Captain Kangaroo. So what's wrong with a little diversity? eh? You are so judgmental!

rachaelgking said...

I still feel a little guilty for the day I made that my Twitter picture.

Totally worth it.

P.S. Yendor??

Christina_the_wench said...

Do you see why mrs. moooog doesn't let you out of the house? Do you?

I wanna add you as a friend but you can just forget about a poke.

Gauche said...

oh my.

I'm not sure if I should be laughing or vomiting. I really am hoping this is a fake account. if not....well, Moog..you seem to be attracting "interesting" people. God help you....

lbluca77 said...

She's hot, I would totally poke her.

Katie said...

How ridiculously easy it is to find your page.

I wanted to exercise my smooth finding abilities.

Some call this stalking.

I call it a good time.

Don't judge me.

Moooooog35 said...

Skippy: I know your mom is on Facebook.

I'll tell her you said 'hi.'

Mike: Oooh..good point.

* ploink!

McSass: I'm glad my posts make you regular.

I think I read that wrong.

MI: ..and yet..none of what you wrote surprises me even a little.

LiLu: Feeling guilt means you have a soul.

Just kidding!

Yendor is code for my real name:


Christina: You're denying ME a poke?

Why do all the 675 other guys with syphilis get to do it?

Gauche: Moooooog..attracting odd people since my facial hair started growing in the shape of Jakarta.

I have no idea what that means.

lbluca: * insert look of non-surprise here *

Katie: Shit like that is why I don't work for the CIA.

That, plus all the cardio.

Anonymous said...

Just imagine how much better her therapy will now that you're her Facebook friend.

AD said...


I. . . .I don't know what to say. . .

Kristin said...

I want a poke from you. Bad.

Coffeypot said...

I have fun on Face book and Twitter, but blogging is my favorite.

Moooooog35 said...

Free: Um...better?

AD: ssshhh...don't say anything.


That was creepy.

Kristin: mom?

Coffeepot: Such insight!

Lisa: Welcome to 'Mental Poo'

Chris said...

Lisa looks like she could use some friends. Do the benevolent thing, Moog, and befriend her. What's the worst that could happen?

shine said...

I just peed myself at work.

Not that it's unusual. Just thought you should know.

Please tell me you accepted her friend request. Real or not, that shit is priceless.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit. I haven't laughed this hard at a blog post in a long time.

She's going to get a whole bunch of friend requests now, haha!!

BabyPrecious said...

damn, you're sexy. I'd love to naughty things to you.

Moooooog35 said...

Chris: Dude..I friended her the second I saw 'self mutilation.'


Shine: Losing bladder control is normal for you at work?

Do you test Depends Undergarments?

..and..if so..

Are you hiring?

UnCensored: I couldn't have said it better myself...except, you know, I kinda did.

Nice try, though!

Taylor: I fear retribution of the Loomis kind.

Kellie: But what if she wants to cut me?

BabyPrecious: What the...?

Okay. Between Kristin and this broad...who's playing the trick?

Dad? Dad is that you?

Wouldn't be the first time.

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh Man. I want to be your friend on Facebook!

Malach the Merciless said...

Rodney and Lisa sitting in a tree . . .

FawkesFire said...


Poor Moog.

Swirl Girl said...

With friends like Lisa to tickle your sphincter, who needs enemas?

(such a bad joke, sorry)

Phillipia said...

I do love your posts...Mental Poo...it's good for you...
Actually good for me, but that didn't rhyme...

Related Posts with Thumbnails