Twix or Tweets - Volume One | Mental Poo

Monday, November 23, 2009

Twix or Tweets - Volume One

You knew it was coming.

(hands woman a towel)


Got disgusting there right off the bat.


I'm actually talking about this post.

The latest rage for bloggers is to self-promote themselves by reposting some of their Twitter Tweets as blog posts.

I am now stooping to this level.

Actually, I'm 5'-2" tall.

No stooping required. Already there.

Fucking sucks.

Below are some of my very own Tweets that I've subjected my 12 followers to.



Having an argument on Facebook now about whether a begonia is an onion or a female hobo and whether or not you should pee on them either way.

Did anyone else watch the chimp attack victim footage from Oprah and think, "MY GOD...Unreal. Oprah looks like SHIT." Or was that just me?

I was interviewed Monday by NOSSA - Nat'l Org. of Short Statured Adults. No shit. WE'RE ORGANIZED?! I've been just milling around and shit.

34 degrees and took the bike in. If anyone finds a small pair of testicles on 93 south in Massachusetts, please return them to me. Thanks.

tweet I got: "thanks moooooog great piece (yes, was a long one this morning)" ?! sadly, this was about my blog.

@FrankLeeMeiDere 'Cranky and against everything' is my middle name. Writing that shit out in first grade really sucked

Made a HUGE pile of leaves for the kids to jump in. What do they do in Florida? I'm guessing jump in piles of alligators and pedophiles.

Just heard one guy at work ask another if he 'was keeping it real.' It's okay that I punch this asshole in the throat, right?

Jeez..make fun of Spanish people and suddenly you're a 'racist.'

A couple bounced from 'Amazing Race' cuz she won't go down a fucking WATER SLIDE?! Are you f'ing kidding me?! She. Must. Pay. With. Anal.

Just pulled out my kielbasa. It was hard. Seriously..I'm having it for dinner tonight and it was frozen. You people are sick.

October 16th and it's SNOWING?!?! SNOWING?!?! I would totally move to Florida if it didn't smell like the elderly.

Done asking for donations with my daughter for soccer. At the state liquor store. At 9 am. There's an attractive clientele, let me tell ya.

Spent 3 hours watching my daughter in single-game elimination soccer. I cheered for the other teams so I could go home, instead. Wrong?

@LivitLuvit You are my hero. Or heroin. Heroine. I don't think you'd fit in a syringe.

I posted my Halloween entry. Yeah, it's late. Like I give a shit. Speaking of giving a back in about 20 minutes. TMI?

What am I doing? I'm working. Work sucks. Work sucks more ass than Lindsay Lohan on a bender in a lesbian dance hall. that's a lot.


If you're linked to me on Facebook, you may have seen these as well.

If you want to find me in either place, click here.

Twitter at: or you can just click this button:

Find me at Facebook by clicking here:

You've been warned.



Buzzardbilly said...

Thosea are hilarious, but I don't Tweet. I'd never get anything else done on the computer but blogging, e-mailing, and tweeting if I tweeted.

I used to live in Florida. It does indeed smell of old people and I'm not sure whether the pedophiles outnumber the alligators yet or not, but it would be a safe bet. It's all them theme parks and the steady influx of vacation kids, I believe.

Totally true story: My best friend in Florida's sister went bowling with Ted Bundy. Somehow this did not raise my comfort level with meeting strangers. Some day I'll write about the date with the escaped convict too.

Unknown said...

I am now following you ...

JD at I Do Things said...

I gotta get more active on this Tweeter thingie. Most of my witticisms wind up on Facebook, which is basically a collection of all my blogging friends who already KNOW how witty I am.

But Twitter? I got almost 500 followers. They need more JD in their lives.

Nice idea for a lazy post. I'm copying (but with Facebook). Never mind everyone reading my blog will have already read my FB updates.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

OHHH, I think I like it here!!

Dude are you from MA???

Anyway, you have been nominated by Scope for a contest over at my place today, check it out!!

Mike said...

Too. Much. Moog. Head. Exploding.

Hockeymandad said...

I'll tell you what we do in Florida. Nothing! We wear shorts and flip flops year round so jumping into piles of anything is not a good idea. Who wants to get all scratched up by an alligator and we throw rocks to hit pedophiles. Just throw one, you'll hit one.

Moooooog35 said...

Buzzardbilly: "Bowling with Bundy" would be a great name for a rock band.

Pat: Might want to be a little more discrete about it...I can see you there plain as day in the bushes.

JD: Everyone needs more JD in their lives. You ARE talking about Jack Daniels, right?

Candy: Dude, I work in MA...but smart enough to live in New Hampshire (our sheep are much sweeter).

Daffy: WE SHOULD get organized. Let me know when to pay dues.

Mike: Like there is such a thing. You flatter me.

* blushes and shuffles feet together

Hockeyman: No one should wear flip flops. Ever. You deserve an alligator death.

..or at least a de-footing by a croc or something.

June said...

"Made a HUGE pile of leaves for the kids to jump in. What do they do in Florida? I'm guessing jump in piles of alligators and pedophiles"

Funny shit - but you are of a very twisted mind!

Ed said...

I don't do Twitter. Too annoying. Like my wife.

I might look you up on Facebook. I'm sure you'll be waiting with baited breath.

Coffeypot said...

I am on Twitter but find it too annoying and no one talks to me of FB so I just blog. Check out the dragon on todays post.

Anonymous said...

"Spent 3 hours watching my daughter in single-game elimination soccer. I cheered for the other teams so I could go home, instead. Wrong?"

Twitter was invented for special moments like this.


i am not a tweet person. it seems like that would just be another thing to do to take time away from being with my family

where do i get on that thing

Buzzardbilly said...

Moog, Indeed it would! She said he seemed like a really nice guy. In one of those Twilight Zone twists of fate, Bundy's last adult victim (the dancer who survived) was her mother's best friend's daugher. It's a small and freaky world in Florida.

Moooooog35 said...

Carol: Understatement. Of the. Year.

Ed: Yes..I'm waiting with baited breath. It's currently baited with herring.

Coffee: I checked out the dragon.

Kinda wish I hadn't.

Thanks for that. Ass.

Tiggy: I know..I should get some sort of royalty, right?

Speaking: A woman after my own heart.

Buzzard: I think I'll stick to shoveling snow.

adrienzgirl said...

Moog I love your tweets.

I also love how tweets sound dirty.

Let's tweet together!

rachaelgking said...

Did you just call me fat?

Diva's Thoughts said...

LOL!! You are a riot. Can you move next door to me so I can hang at your house daily?

bikramyogachick said...

Oh yeah. I couldn't resist....I clicked it...and it felt good!
Looking forward to "listening" to your "tweets"...

Moooooog35 said...

adrienz: But let's wait until your husband's asleep.

I'm a loud Tweeter.

Lilu: Um..


* runs away

Tee: How did you know I have meat hooks in my garage?


Hang OUT.


Alexa: You're kidding, right? 20 minutes for me is an express checkout.

My feet usually end up falling asleep.

Bikram: You clicked it and it felt good?

Are you sure it was me? Sounds like someone else.

Kris said...

I quit Twitter a month ago and feel so free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Narm said...

So did you find your testicles? Last I saw them your wife had them hanging from her rear view mirror.

Lee said...

I don't twat, but I may have to return just knowing that you are. All the cool kids are doing it. At least that's what he told me, so I did it.

The Absent Minded Housewife said...

I tweeted once...and blamed the dog.

I do have a Twitter account but, meh, it leaves me feeling dry. Unfresh.

JenJen said...

The problem with your twitter role is that there are too many damn ooooooos in your fucking name and...
*clears throat*
maybe it's just me?

Unfinished Rambler said...

I just can't escape you, Twitter, Facebook, Humorbloggers dot com, Stumble. The thing I want to know is where AREN'T you, so I can go there to get away from you for just like a few minutes. :)

JenJen is right, you know. I hate all the o's. I'm always thinking I am, and probably am, misspelling your name. ;)

Moooooog35 said...

Kris: Um.


Narm: No..those weren't my testicles. That was my dignity.

My balls are in her purse.

Lee: I have no idea what you were just discussing with yourself there.

Becky: That's why they sell the new, improved Tweet-enema.

* Patent Pending

JenJen: Six O's.

Leave the last O off for savings.

Unfinished: I'm omnipotent.

Or impotent. I forget which one. Might be both. Omnipotently Impotent.

There. Better.

Six O's.

The more you know.

carissajaded said...

How was I not already following you? Well, now I do!

Just be cautious about the begonia thing... The homeless person will pee on you back.

smsrls24 said...

I hope this don't sound racist. . .but how short do u gotta be to join NOSSA?? I'm fairly tall, but am just milling around on Twitter for lack of something better to do! Oh, wait, I could watch Oprah, but I hear she looks like crap these days!
LOL ;)

mepsipax said...

Twitter has made it possible for me to think less before I speak.
That's okay because it makes for some amusing conversations. Not unlike Lindsey Lohan.

Olly said...

I haven't got on to Twitter yet. I can't even keep up with my blog, lol. I, too, vote for which ever team will make it all end faster if my husband is watching hockey. I don't mind the odd game, but dragging out pro sports into overtime just makes me wanna scream.

justjp said...

I need to step up my twwets a bit. All I talk about is shaving my balls and baggin hookers.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

What's Twitter? What's Tweets? Is this something started by the folks over at Warner Bros. who draw Tweety Bird? I'm so confused......and lonely.....and afraid. Sorry you're short and have small balls, though. That's a lot to deal with. Life is hard enough.

Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, that could possibly be the epitome of lazy. That is like turning in the same paper to two different classes!

tattytiara said...

Hey, if Henny Youngman was alive today, he'd have Twitter and not a Blog, right?

Not sure what the hell kind of endorsement that was supposed to be, but I stand by my theory regardless.

Tami G said...

yeah - I'm totally going to follow you on Twitter RIGHT NOW!
flippin hilarious.

PS - did you find your balls?

Tami G

Moooooog35 said...

Carissa: Not if you give them your leftovers first.

Helpful tip.

Shawna: Guys have to be 5'7" and shorter.


I would kill to be 5'7" tall. I mean, I've done that for much less.

Hold on. Cops are here.

mepsipax: I find myself thinking more on Twitter.

Which is weird, cuz I'm not used to that.

Olly: But hockey has shootouts now in overtime! You should WANT it to go longer!

Justjp: If you could tweet out a map with the actual locations, I'd appreciate it.

Don: You know you love twitter. Admit're a closet tweeter.

It's okay...they won't kick you out of the military for it.


MikeWJ: be young and mildly retarded again.

Good times..good times...

Malach: So says the guy who posts other people's videos every day. I'm TOTALLY LAZY.

You should expect this shit by now.

tattytiara: Henny Youngman? How old ARE you?

Tami G: (see reply to Narm above)

Vodka Logic said...

Is that what was stuck to my tire when I went to Logan Airport last time..sorry dude.

meleah rebeccah said...

FINALLY we are now "friends" on Facebook and Twitter YAY!

The Absence of Alternatives said...

My apology my good sir. I didn't know about your blog and your twitter presence until now. You had me at the etiquette question... I am now following your glorious ass on Twitter.

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