Kissing Under the Foot of War with my Facebook Friends | Mental Poo

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Kissing Under the Foot of War with my Facebook Friends


It's like I write the titles of these things while I'm on acid.

Which is only partly true.

Some post-holiday stuff for you.

Even on Facebook I'm a Prick

Last week, one of my friends on Facebook wrote this as his status:

Bob: "Is this dumb-ass holiday over yet??"

To which I replied:

"Oh, you have your own holiday?"

I'm a good friend.


Then another guy I used to work with updated his status with this:

Woody: "I feel like I am the only one at work today...... Where is everybody? Why am I here? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a noise? If I say I'm at work and no one is around.... am I really at work?"

To which I replied:

"Hey, Woody. For Christmas, I wanted someone to ask me 53 different questions, so thanks for that.

There IS a Santa!"


Yes, I have a friend named 'Woody.'

No, it's not my penis.

I need pills for that.

The Violent Kissing Foot

My daughter walked up to me two days before Christmas and said:

Daughter: "Daddy? Can you draw mistletoe?"

Who am I to turn down such a nice request?

Me: "Of course, honey. One minute."

I gave the drawing to her, which she then colored.

It is now hung up over our entry from the garage.

Here it is:


MISSILE TOES!

Don't worry...after my daughter's initial disappointment, she remembered who she's dealing with and got a kick out of it.

Get it?

Got a kick?

Maybe Santa should have brought me some better jokes.

43 comments:

hiphophippie.com said...

Ha! Holy shit, that other guy is totally an asshole. And asshole from circa '95 drinking a goddamn Orangina.

Mike said...

Oh, so THAT'S what mistletoe is.

Thanks,

-the confused Jew.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Only your mind would come up with that one. Your daughter is one lucky gal.

bikramyogachick said...

of course YOU have a friend named woody.....

Mrsblogalot said...

I think you're covered in the better joke department....but perhaps Woody could benefit from a good Santa line or two?

Eva Gallant said...

I like te "you have your own holday?" line...priceless.

I think you are reaching with the mistletoe drawing, however.

Coffeypot said...

It takes a true patriot to think of Patriot Missiles as Mistletoe. Puts a whole new meaning to ‘putting a missile up the six of the enemy.’ Mooooog Rah!

Ed Adams said...

After years of therapy, maybe she'll be able to look at mistletoe without thinking of nuclear armageddon.

Until then, maybe it will prevent her from developing that genetic foot fetish.

Narm said...

Ok, now draw a boobie trap.

Brutalism said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brutalism said...

ha ha ha ha ha snort

BugginWord said...

That drawing looks freakishly similar to my last pedicure.

Moooooog35 said...

Hiphop: Surprisingly enough, it's NOT ME.

Mike: Confused..but at least you have money and a television station, right?

Lee: Lucky as in, 'not lucky.'

bikram: I KNOW. Shocker, right?

We shake hands A LOT.

Mrsblogalot: BURN!

GO GET HER, WOODY!!

Eva: Hey..you can only hit on all cylinders all the time most of the time.

What?

Coffey: Moograh! LOVE IT.

Let's make a bumper sticker.

Ed: poTAto..poTAHto

Narm: Had it been a festive item, I'm sure somewhere in this house would be a nicely displayed rack.

Brutalism: MADE YOU SNORT!!

Buggin: I think you need to get your money back.

G-Zell said...

:)

Happy New Year!

LBluca77 said...

At least you are friends with cool people like me. That's really all that is important.

LBluca77 said...

I meant on facebook. But you knew that.

Travis said...

Sometimes I wish I was one of your kids.

Then I immediately sober up and thank the baby Jesus that I'm not.

Loved the missletoe idea. That shit is legit.

CatLadyLarew said...

Love the missile toes! The other day at school, one of our four-year-old students came in, proudly proclaiming... "I've got a Woody! I've got a Woody!" Yes, my co-teacher and I cracked up hysterically. Turns out it was Woody from Toy Story, but what the hell... which is where we're going.

Stacie's Madness said...

hahah, love the "missle toes"

JD at I Do Things said...

"It's like I write the titles of these things while I'm on acid."

Reading the title of this post, I was wondering if I was the one on acid. It's good to know I'm not.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

With that mistletoe, even I could get a kiss.

Moooooog35 said...

G-Zell: We'll see, G-Zell...we'll see.

Lbluca: Hey..you're one of my shining beacons.

Holy shit I'm SO SAD.

Travis: That would make me, like, 60 and I'd probably be working at 7-11.

I'm glad you're not, too.

CatLday: It's like we're gonna have a HUGE party.

Stacie: Now aimed at an infidel near you.

JD: You never know. LOOK OUT FOR THE BEETLES!!

MikeWJ: Yeah..you keep thinking that, my friend. You keep thinking that.

Don said...

You fucking commie! Missletoes and some guy named Woody are American. Like apple fucking pie and popping cherries. Sheesh moooooog. Get with the program!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Whoa Don, ease back on the caffeine.. and I mean that in a respectful way..

Mental Poo - funny post, where is the Q&A part of your blog. I want to submit a question.

Malach the Merciless said...

BOOM!

Christiejolu said...

LMAO! That is some funny....

adrienzgirl said...

Wow...missle toes. I am a little disappointed that your daughter didn't automagically expect something that brilliant from you.

You just make all this shit up on the fly don't you?

Damnit! I feel cheated.

JenJen said...

I just added her to the list of people I feel bad for that have the unfortunate luck of living with you!

Jen said...

Kind of a slow news day, huh?

Moooooog35 said...

Don: I never said they were un-American.

In fact, I saluted the flag the entire time I wrote this post.

..if you know what I mean.

* wink

Wannabe: For Q&A, just shoot me an email with 'Q&A' in the title, accompanied by any type of pornographic photos as long as it's not guy-on-guy.

Send those to Don.

Malach: What..no 'click click' first?

Christie: I aim to please.

Adrienz: I make everything up on my fly.

Oh. THE fly. No..not really.

JenJen: You can also expand that to include 'people who have had any type of contact with me.'

Jen: Holiday weeks...not the best efforts, really.

LiLu said...

I can't believe you didn't make a missile-penis joke in there somewhere.

For shame.

meleah rebeccah said...

Missile Toes is GREAT!

Amy said...

Facebook would be to boring without the funny status's and replies. Good work.

Kellie said...

Haha! Love the missile toe!

Also, I have a friend named Woody too. Sometimes we call him Woodrow. But his actual real name is David. Why he goes by Woody I have never asked b/c I really do NOT want to know.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I got stuck on the Santa belly-fat smush. I keep scrolling back up. I feel the need to wash my sheets for some reason.

Ok, ok, I'm thinking about his penis-smush. Fat Santa penis smush. I can't help it.

sexnfries said...

I love it "Missile Toe" I have no life...that is what it takes to make me giggle..well that and some dirty things, will save that for later

justsomethoughts... said...

maybe you should have been a better boy this year...

Moooooog35 said...

Lilu: My daughter asked for this! Jesus, woman!

I know..I'm kinda disappointed in myself, too.

Meleah: How much you willing to pay for it.

EVERYTHING MUST GO!

Amy: I live to make Facebook more interesting.

That's a complete fucking lie.

Kellie: Suuuuuuure you don't want to know.

I think deep down, you already do.

I have no idea what that means.

Steam Me: ..and yet..I'm not at all surprised by this revelation.

Sexnfries: I have no life, either.

Hence, how 'missile toe' and Facebook friends got to be the subject of this blog.

Justsomethoughts: Let's keep it simple and aim for things that have a chance of happening, k?

OGLADI said...

Santa and Missle Toes...You're on my blogroll btw because your poops are awesome.

Miss Yvonne said...

I always want to be that smart ass friend on facebook, but I'm afraid to do it. Like maybe the facebook police will arrest me or something, I don't know.

hee hee...woody.

Mr. Knucklehead said...

Yeah, but can you draw chicken fingers?

LMJ said...

LOL! What does a mistletoe look like anyway? I keep forgetting.

(visiting over form Hormones Headaches and Hot Flashes)

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

a joy as always

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