Dear Moog: Would You Like that in a Cup or Sugar Cone? | Mental Poo

Monday, December 28, 2009

Dear Moog: Would You Like that in a Cup or Sugar Cone?


Well...it's been a LOOOOOOOONG time since my last advice letter (people are apparently getting smarter - take THAT Keannu Reeves!)...

..but at long last it's another time for an exciting episode of "Dear Moog"...

Where you ask me for advice, and I give it to you in the same manner that I give out my sex.

Badly.

Very, very badly.

**********************
Disclaimer:
I am not responsible for any stupid shit you do to yourself or others as a result of taking any of my advice seriously. There, I think that covers it.

You've been warned.
***********************


Today's letter comes from Nasrudin.

Nasrudin writes:

"Dear Moog,

My poop is the color of neopolitan ice cream this morning. please advise.

Thank you,

Nasrudin"


Um..

Okay.

Here goes:

****************************

Dear Nasrudin,

Ha.

Nasrudin.

Nasroooodin.

Rooooootin.

Nasroodin is broodin over John Gruden in his Fahrvergnügen.

Well..there was 30 seconds of my life I'll never get back.

Totally worth it.


Nasrudin.

Did you know that if you mix the letters up in that name you can get:

1) ad in runs

I had this happen once when I ran out of toilet paper and had to use the Toys-R-Us flyer

2) da runs in

Where da runs in?

Da runs in the toilet with the Toys-R-Us flyer.

I thought we already went over that.

3) arid nuns

I find this redundant.

Whatever.

Then I decided to Google 'Nasrudin' and found this:


The fuck?


The fuck were we talking about?

Oh.

Ice cream poopy.

According to Wikipedia:

"Nasrudin was a populist philosopher and wise man, remembered for his funny stories and anecdotes."

Dude.

You're a philosopher and wise man...and you're asking ME why your shit is coming out like a bag of Skittles?

I'm touched.

* points at crotch

The last time I had colored poop it was from some cereal and resulted in my wife fleeing the scene when I tried to discuss it with her.

Women be crazy.

Periods: Like a Ninja, because you never know when they're going to strike or how long you'll have to hold off having sex with them because they're hanging around swinging nunchuks in the darkness and being quiet and sneaky and shit.

Sorry.

Colored poop.

I don't know, dude.

Call your fucking doctor.

Moog out.

****************************
There you go! Yet another exciting episode!

I have a "Dear Moog" link on the right side of my page over there (or click the photo below), or you can email me here.


Want bad advice? Want shitty answers?

You've come to the right place.

Drop me a line.

Moog out.

31 comments:

Vodka Logic said...

Well... now I have this problem.. that well..

Never mind. Someone else ask first.

Mrsblogalot said...

Oprah's office just called -says there will be a slot open soon. Something to consider.

Travis said...

Somehow I picture your brain to be just lots of rabbits running around. I don't think that makes sense. But it's the picture I get.

Do they hump a lot?

Me-Me King said...

Must be the holidays because my poop is the color of rainbow sherbet.

LBluca77 said...

How will i ever be able to eat ice cream again?

Thanks Nasrudin

Jen said...

He should have taken a picture. Poop of any color is worth taking a photo and posting it somewhere, maybe the fridge?

Don said...

I have a related problem. My poop taste like neopolitan ice cream but looks like shit. Is there a shit paint or something to disguise it?

Coffeypot said...

With this flu thing I've had for about a week, my stuff looks like shit soup. I'm tired of it, too. I bought a 5lb hunk of cheese. I'll show my colon who's boss.

Christiejolu said...

I love shitty advice! I will think of a question!

Moooooog35 said...

Vodka: It's okay...we won't divulge your true identity (Leann Rimes)

Mrsblogalot: 'oprah' and 'open slot' should never, EVER, be in the same sentence.

Visual. So. Awful.

Travis: Yep. Like rabbits. But I think we went over that.

Me-Me: Either that, or you're MAGICAL!

Yay you.

Lbluca: You can't go wrong with chocolate.

My wife keeps telling me that and I'm not really sure why.

Jen: Totally. Like ratemypoo.com

Yeah..that's a real link.

Enter if you dare.

Don: Um..dude. I think you're in the wrong meeting.

Coffey: Just don't mix that up and show your boss your colon.

Unless that's how you got the job in the first place.

Ed Adams said...

It's totally the cereal.

You're soooo right.

The turbin jiffy pop thing made me LOL.

The rest, not so much.

j/k

Eva Gallant said...

I'm so glad I can count on you to bring a little insanity to an otherwise boring day!

Jules said...

Maybe the guy ate Neopolitan ice cream. Would that make it that color?? At least it makes him wise.

adrienzgirl said...

There's a whole lotta funky colored poop talk up in this biatch today. Mine is normal colored. Apparently ya'll are eating some whacked crap this holiday season.

Joshua said...

Travis sees rabbits, I see monkeys flinging poo while working the arms and fingers to type these posts.

And now I have my first TMI Thursday post of the new year.

-Joshua

meleah rebeccah said...

I cant stop laughing at the name Nasrudin.

BugginWord said...

Shit. You guys know about the nun chucks?

Erin said...

I see I'm not the only one with a poop post today!!!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

What is it about poop articles, farting that make me laugh so hard. I have tears running down my cheeks. Oh shit! No pun intended.

You may have ADD, I think!

Moooooog35 said...

Ed: You just reminded me I wanted Jiffy Pop.

Eva: It's what I'm here for. That, and for being a verbal battering ram for parties that will go unnamed right now out of fear.

Jules: HEY! Get your own advice column!

Jeez.

Adrienz: MOTHER OF GOD, WOMEN..GIRLS DON'T POO.

Joshua: Jeez, dude...thanks for sharing. wtf.

Meleah: say it over and over again and it makes you giggle.

Buggin: We know everything. We are the chief of police.

Went for a 'Jaws' quote there, and really didn't pull it off.

Erin: Always a crowd pleaser, gotta admit it.

Wannabe: I may have ADD? You know..I'm hungry. I like to run.

Wait..what were you saying?

Moooooog35 said...

ChristieJolu: I see I neglected you earlier.

That could be your question:

Why did you neglect me?

Wow..brings back memories of my childhood.

JenJen said...

Wow.
Well, I fee so much better now.
Wait.
Think the same explanation goes for spumoni hued poop?

The Peach Tart said...

You continue to provide the same sage advice as Ann Landers and Abby (on crack).

You Make My Date said...

Moooooog, I've made a special mention of you on my blog entry "Handing out awards is like giving crabs to children. I mean, candy."

http://youmakemydate.blogspot.com/2009/12/handing-out-awards-is-like-giving-crabs.html

Merry belated Christmas and have a happy new year! :)

x S

Malach the Merciless said...

Isn't that normal?

LiLu said...

Dear moog:

What on earth possessed me to steal the "ugly Christmas sweaters" my mother bought us all in anticipation of NEXT YEAR'S ridiculous holiday card?

Xoxo,

LiLu

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Neopolitan-colored poop? Call Ripley's! Ohhh, that's an accidental pun. I'm punny!

Scope said...

I just want it to be known, that it is a total coincidence that you complain on my blog about giving my fiancée awards, and you win one the next day.

FREAKY!

Little Ms Blogger said...

Your advice was brilliant! Pointless like neopolitan ice cream.

I would have "shit in the bowl" guy that he should be happy he has a toilet to sit on and stop whining about the color of his poo.

Moooooog35 said...

JenJen: Well..you can't have 'spumoni' without 'spu.'

I have no idea what that means.

Peach: HA! You said 'crack.'

You Make My Date: Always nice to be mentioned in the same sentence as 'crabs.'

Malach: Um..gonna go out on a limb here and say 'no.'

Lilu: Because you're certifiable.

You're welcome.

MikeWJ: Even on purpose, I'm not sure that was punny.

Just sayin'.

Scope: HUZZAH!!

Little MsBlogger: If pooping in a bowl is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Matt said...

totally off topic (kind of) but I love skittles.

Im sure mine looks the same way. However I dont really have a problem with adding color into my life.

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