In Search of....RIPPED ABS LESBIANS!! | Mental Poo

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

In Search of....RIPPED ABS LESBIANS!! be a scientist.

I got an email the other day from one of my friends from High School.


Rob is credited as being the only other person in the kitchen when I worked as a chef to conduct science experiments in the walk-in freezer.

What's that waitress?

You have an order for baked stuffed lobster?

Sure thing.

I'll get to it as soon as I calculate how much more mold grew on this piece of ham since last week.

Priorities, you know.

Turns out that the calculation took more time than I thought, since the ham actually grew limbs and then started fucking the provolone.

Ever try to separate horney limbed ham from violating it's "love cheese?"

I've done it more than once and I can tell you that's some tough shit, my friends.

Tough. Shit.

("Horney Limbed Ham" and/or "Love Cheese" would be great names for rock bands)

Yes..they're on the shirt.

Regardless, here's the email I get:



You will never believe what came up as the first result in Google when I searched on:

ripped abs lesbians

I was searching for purely scientific reasons of course....

...or it was a typo, I forget which.

- rob

********************** search for hardbodied carpet munchers in the name of science.

I believe that's how Newton discovered gravity.

He saw two ripped abs lesbians going down.




He either discovered it that way or something involving fruit.



Mental Poo came up in FIRST in a search for 'ripped abs lesbians.'

Thanks for padding my search results, Rob, with even more freakier shit than usual.

I had no idea that was possible.

Moog out.



Just so you guys know I'm not making this shit up, I decided to take a screen shot of my latest search results from this morning.

What I'm not telling you is that the source from all of these are my house.

It's a crazy zoo in here, full of apples and lesbians and elephantitus afflicted mentally challenged porn stars.

So. Awesome.


Vodka Logic said...

*shakes head in confusion* yet again.

Me-Me King said...

Thanks to you, now I know how to recognize Ellen tonight when she joins the American Idol judging panel!

Spaz said...

'schlongle' is how I first found you, and how I find you every day.

Now you know.

bikramyogachick said...

The people you must get landing on this blog....shady.
Wait, I'm reading!

sarah said...

hmm. sounds about right.

lbluca77 said...

That picture of ham and cheese looks yummy. Why must you tease me like that?

Unknown said...

There are no words for any of it.

Arielle Fragassi said...

Haha the Ellen picture is great! How do you see what search results showed your blog, anyway? I'd be interested in seeing that for my own blog...if I actually got traffic or whatever...

The Absent Minded Housewife said...

I got traffic today from a mormon site (shaddup, I sometimes miss Utah) where I detailed where women can get vibrators without actually entering a filthy dirty adult store with pictures of dirty topless whores and erect penises.

Awesome. I just turned myself on.

Tgoette said...

How cool! Ahh, Moooooog, you just attract the best of the best in here dontcha?

Pardon me while I get back to my saggy grannies...woo hoo!

MrsBlogAlot said...

Ellen never looked better. You are definitely a class act.

Wife Swap best show ever???

Moooooog35 said...

Vodka: You and me both, woman.

Me-Me: REally? She's the one you just go..' again?'

Spaz: you complete me.

bikram: That's right. You're soaking in it.

Sarah: Yes. What?

lbluca: I could put a picture of a paper plate and you'd be teased.

So. easy.

Ed: Yes..because that's how all my parties are. Minus all that plus the whole 'party' thing.

Summer: None? Not one?


Arielle: Try statcounter.

Now they must pay me nothing!

Becky: You seriously fucking kill me. If I could link to your comments, I would.

Tgoette: AHA! You're saggy grannies!!

Sounds so..wrong.

Feels so right, though.

Mrsblogalot: "Wife Swap XXX"

You gotta read a little closer.

Elly Lou said...

I laughed so hard I pulled my schlongle. I'm glad to know that you are now the resident expert on manscaping, too. As you may have already heard, I've got some taint grooming issues on my blog today. Perhaps you can offer some advice?

JenJen said...

Good Heavens I thought the elephantitis of the nuts was a SECRET you only told to me, that one time, at band camp.
Some people have no shame.

Unknown said...

I'd comment, but I'm too busy shaking my head in bewilderment.

Wicked Shawn said...

6 of those were how I found you. *shrug* I kept seeing your name during my necessary daily searches, finally I thought, clearly this site has all my needs covered.

Ben said...

'Cause lesbians aren't scary enough without being ripped and muscley?

Kris said...

You have good friends, man. Thoughtful and giving. Lucky guy.

Maxie said...

how did you miss "excuses to crossdress"???

you should do a post on that next. I'll get you started.


that's all.

alternately: never.

Ducky said...

Man your life is exciting.

Mine is just full of snot right now.

And I ate half a cherry pie today.

there went my ripped abs...

...but I'm not a lesbo so that wouldn't really help you out any. said...

Your friends from high school still talk to you? Amazing! You did graduate, didn't you?

MommaKiss said...

I think I just got a little turned on by the portia pasties...I'm not even labanese!

I'm not telling how The Google found you - its my little secret.

Caffeine Bubbles said...

Horney Ham. Is. An. Amazing. Band Name.

If you see it on the side of a bus next to a picture of my band in the coming year, be proud.

adrienzgirl said...

I am never shocked at what I find here. Never shocked. Occasionally horrified. But never shocked.

Moooooog35 said...

Miss Spoken: I'm not last in line again, am I?


Elly: I love the word 'taint.'

Taint: The in between meat.

JenJen: I've never been to band camp. I think you have me confused with 34 other guys.

Eva: Go see a doctor! That shaking could be the first signs of Parkinsons!

Wicked Shawn: Yes..I have all your needs covered.

* wink

Ben: Thank you. I didn't want to be the first one to say it.

They scare me.

Kris: Yes...and then they immediately remove the link on their facebook page when I tell them the post is up.

Scaredy cats.

Maxie: Really? I was thinking, 'Tuesday.'

Daffy: It's never too late to start.

The lesbo thing, I mean. I couldn't care less about ripped abs.

CatLady: I KNOW, right? I must be more awesome than I first thought.

Momma: Doesn't take much for you, does it?


Adrienz: Horrified.

Typical reaction from most women.


Matt said...

Nice work... this is something to be proud of!

LB said...

Dude, you have too much time on your hands and too much smut in your head!!! You are the Howard Stern of blogging and my new super hero!

The Absence of Alternatives said...

I LOVE it when ppl do screenshots! Yours is one of the best! Omg. Can't get over apple & ass...

Seriously. How is it even done? Never mind. Don't answer me. Thanks.

meleah rebeccah said...

the things people search for on Google are crazy, the fact that it leads them to your blog is hilarious

Anonymous said...

I have been looking everywhere for this! Thank God I found your website on Google.


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