How to Properly Court a Ceiling Crevice | Mental Poo

Monday, April 19, 2010

How to Properly Court a Ceiling Crevice

It taunts me.

In the building where I work..up on the ceiling near the stairs to the third floor is..

The ceiling vagina.

AND IT TAUNTS ME. building has a ceiling vagina.


So every morning I go down and get my coffee and WHAT THE FUCK the stupid cafeteria people moved the sugar and stirrers AGAIN and don't they know you can't mess with someone's head at 7 in the morning if they haven't had caffeine yet because I'm seriously on the verge of dipping this Brazilian guy's head in the Fryolator (tm).

I forgot what I was talking about.


So every morning after getting my coffee I walk up the stairs and there it is.

Ceiling vagina.

Taunting me.


I find that I'm becoming increasingly intoxicated by Ceiling Vagina!





Ceiling vaginas can't eat dinner!

This is crazy...I shouldn't..entertain...the idea...of...


That sounds kinda nice.

I've always wanted to go to Italy.


Ceiling vagina makes it all sound so magical. magical as having a physical relationship with a ceiling crack can be I guess.

I should probably get some more coffee.

I'm just going to need to look down or something on the way up.


A tear in the carpet.

I hate this place.


life in the mom lane said...

You are one sick puppy...... :)

I love the way your mind works! *L*

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

If your work has one ceiling vagina, then my house is a ceiling vagina brothel. Maybe that's why my husband is always staring at the ceiling daydreaming. Hmmmmm.

JD at I Do Things said...

My husband just retreated in fear when I told him I needed a good spackling. Why didn't that work? It worked for Ceiling Vagina. Humph.

MrsBlogAlot said...

Yes, you are sick. PLEASE, PLEASE don't ever get better!!!!!!

Do you think they make ceiling pads?

Anonymous said...

I find your choice of illustrating using the vagina as the mouth interesting. I was expecting a pair of legs : )

Great post, love your stuffs.

Matt said...

that ceiling vag is hot.

Lisa said...

hmmmm...wonder what this analogy REALLY means. Yeah, I would have to quit if this is what my work makes me entertain.

Unknown said...

Man, the cracks aren't just in your ceiling! There may be some in your psyche!

Unknown said...

Ooh, a tear in the carpet eh? Get ready to relive the 80s.

(or at least relive porno mags from the 80s)

Travis said...

Dude. This was magical. I didn't think it was possible to fall in love with you for banging a ceiling, but you've proved me wrong again.

Blonde Goddess said...

So did you spackle her? Details Moog! DETAILS!

Moooooog35 said...

Life: My mind works?!?!?

Annie: It's when he gets those stilt things that you have to start worrying.

Wannabe: If there are wall penises, I'm subconsciously averting my eyes anyway.

JD: Go smack your husband for me.

Mrsblogalot: Pretty sure there's no hope of me getting better.

Ianna: Thank you!

JenJen: Like you're the first woman I've ever brought to tears.

Matt: I KNOW.

Iachochran: You've heard of ceiling cat?



What's wrong with you? It's why I STAY.

Eva: there MAY be?

Keeping: Relive the porn mags? I've got a giant stack right here.

Travis: Did you just say you love me?


BG: This is where I let your imagination take over.


Elly Lou said...

Have you ever tried to walk with a hand in your labia? It's not pretty. Nor comfortable. Add in the sand and someone is going to need medical attention.

Salt said...

I think you need to see a doctor. The fact that your one arm is so much longer than the other in the beach picture might be a sign of some sort of medical issue.

But please don't get your head examined because I like you just the way you are.

The Invisible Seductress said...

I can't stop laughing. I love ceiling vagina...She is beautiful!!

Coffeypot said...

Dude, if she's that dry, take a can of WD40 with ya. Works for me and the Misses.

Kernut said...

You are so funny and it never ceases to amaze me. You find humor in the strangest things! Love it!

I will never be able to look at a ceiling crack the same way.

Not sure if that's good.

A Vapid Blonde said...

That is a perfect replica of a vagina...I am not saying who's because that would not be fair to the vagina model who asked for anonymity.

And the carpet probably needs to be shaved.

Donnie said...

Aaahh! Nothing but a glorified glory hole. Just like you see in bathroom stalls but higher.

Ziva said...

"Once you have drywall you never go back" This must be why my fiance left me, it makes perfect sense now!

Cassie said...

Just when I think you can go no lower, you drop another level. Congratulations. LOL

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Oh, the office pranks I would pull if I worked with you!

First I'd slip some acid into your coffee. Then I'd climb up into the air ducts, slather my face with vaseline and red jello, and press my screaming head through ceiling vagina just as you walked by. Oh, the fun we'd have!

Anonymous said...

That is more than alarming. I mean the ceiling vagina's Clee-TOE-Ris appears to be a tad low...


Buggys said...

You are a very sick man and yet so hysterically funny!

TILTE said...

reading this entry made me uncomfortable in my own skin.

Unknown said...

You better walk fast. One day that shit's going to come down. I can only hope drywall dust doesn't make its way into the coffee.

Sarah said...

Pretty sure it's a female-circumcised ceiling vagina that also has no vagina, but just a shallow slit between two-dimensional labia majora.
That's what we in the biz (what biz? I dunno.) call a crack-in-the-ceiling-that-makes-perverts-fantasize-about-dry-vaginas.

Brutalism said...

I applied for a job today and when the interviewer asked for a "CV" -- I sent them a picture of your Ceiling Vagina. Turns out...they were looking for a resume.

Oh...and I didn't get the job.

Moooooog35 said...

Elly: No. I have to say that that experience has escaped me.

Salt: Awww. Thanks.

I think.

Invisible: ISN'T SHE?! ISN'T SHE?!

Coffey: So that's why she stopped creaking.

I you.

Kernut: It's not good.


Vapid: Enquiring minds want to know!

Don: HAHAHAHA. I hate the high ones.

Tiptoes suck.

Ziva: The more you know.

Cassie: Thank you. I try very very hard.


Steam Me: That sounds horrific.


Veggie: Cleee what?

I'm a guy. We don't care.

Buggys: Thank you. I think.

You're Lucky: It makes me uncomfortable in your skin, too.

I'm watching. Always watching.

Summer: That's why I use Splenda. Can't tell the difference.

Sarah: I thought it's name was Betty.

Moooooog35 said...

Brutalism: That explains why my last interview went so badly.

Nicky said...

LOL! Twisted, very twisted. Volunteered for overtime yet?

alexa @clevelandsaplum said...

i can't stop laughing at this post.

so damn funny!

Malach the Merciless said...

Are you sure your not 14?

lbluca77 said...

At least the ceiling vagina shaved for you. said...

Spackle Me! Bwahaha! This is classic Moooooog.

Kellie said...

That is very strange. Too bad it's way up on the ceiling. You'd need a ladder to reach that.

Moooooog35 said...

Meleah: Ceiling vagina: Making women laugh since, like, yesterday.

Nicky: overtime. undertime. whatever.

Alexa: Thank you!! I shall now ask you for a dollar for no reason.

Seriously. No reason.

Malach: My whiskers say no, but my tiny genitals say possibly.

lbluca: I have no idea how she did it, either.

Catlady: It's like Coke Classic but less suckier..hopefully.

Kellie: You say 'it's strange' like you actually expected something different.

Tami G: Yes. Seriously.

I have issues. I know this.

Ed: Comment of the day so far. Congrats.

Sheila: Great. Now I'm horny.

Just A Normal Mom said...

I have one word for you: spackle.

Momma Fargo said...

Spackle your, vagina...or something. It scares me just looking at the pics and having nightmares about you on the ceiling..just sayin'

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

but taller with a bigger . . .

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