I think I've got a new segment here on Mental Poo about all the damn shampoo I'm finding in my shower.
There are, like, 47 bottles of shit in there, so I may just make a whole new friggin' blog for it.
Chasing the Dragon
As I'm standing in the shower glistening like an Adonis who really really needed a shower because I just mowed the lawn with my lawnmower that is SUPPOSED to have a self-propelled feature but that stopped working a while ago when I thought 'self propelled' meant that it worked like one of those little robot vacuums so I just let that fucker go and BOOM off it went and NOT ONLY did I have to get the neighbors a new dog but they also soaked me for their therapy sessions because apparently I should have known better from the first time I did this.
So now I push it and I get sweaty.
Maybe I'll just attach razor blades to my robot vaccuum. That should work.
Where was I?
So I'm standing there and I look down and I see this:
So now I'm standing there wondering if I should use this because even though I DO have a one-headed monster (Mr. Wiggly), a five-headed monster such as a Hydra would NOT fit in this shower so this bottle was probably a colossal waste of money unless coupons were involved.
Now I'm all thinking I should masturbate since I'm in the shower and soapy anyway and a slick penis isn't going to ejaculate itself spontaneously but all I can picture is how this would work.
Not the masturbation thing, the shampoo thing. I got the masturbating thing mastered hands down.
Thank you. I'm here all week.
No..I'm thinking about how the HYDRA CONDITIONER works.
So I'm walking around in ancient Greece when HOLY FUCK AN UNCONDITIONED HYDRA!
Luckily, I have my HYDRA CONDITIONER!
So, you know, now we're good.
This could happen.
Maybe it's not a colossal waste of money after all.
Even without coupons.
Glistening Moog out.