My Job Moonlighting as "Dish Dolly R Us, Inc" | Mental Poo

Monday, August 09, 2010

My Job Moonlighting as "Dish Dolly R Us, Inc"

I got this email the other day at my Yahoo account:

*******************



I am Mr. James Brown and i am contacting you to know if you do have Dish dolly for sale? I will like you to email me back if you do with the types and prices of the Dish dolly you have,Also do you accept credit cards as form of payment? am looking forward for your mail.Thank you very much.

My Regards..
Mr. James Brown

*********************

I have no idea what a 'dish dolly' is so I Google it thinking this is some weird scam thing but this is what comes up:



Oh.

So...

I emailed him back:

**************************


James,

I totally have a Dish Dolly. In fact, I have a rather large selection of Dish Dolly's to choose from.

Are you looking for the standard or deluxe Dish Dolly model? Prices range from $300 for a low-level Dish Dolly to $57,000 for the creme-de-la-creme of all Dish Dolly's, "The Liberace."

Let me know.

William Schumaker
Dish Dolly R Us, Inc.

**************************

I figured that was the end of it.

Nope.

**************************


Thanks for the mail.I will want you to mail me with the cost for the standard once you have so that i can place my order.Do you accept credit card payment? Read from you soon.

**************************

Yay.

My reply:

**************************
James,

Just so you know what you're getting, I'm attaching some brochures for the Dish Dolly's we currently carry.

Our middle-of-the-line model, "The Pope Benedict XVI" (we had some technical problems with the XV model) is having some issues getting into the country from Iran due to a higher than normal Uranium content (wtf, Iran), but as soon as we are released from litigation by Homeland Security I will be able to show you that model as well.

Being a new company (two days and counting!), our brochures are still at the printers so instead I'm attaching some of the original sketches of the Standard and Liberace models and I think you'll see, without a doubt, that you'd be better served with the Liberace Model and all it's features.





I'm also attaching a picture of a rocket my son drew.



To answer your question, yes - I can accept credit card payment. But only if you use your credit card to get a cash advance and then mail me the money in an unmarked, plain manila envelope.

Cordially your servant,

William Schumaker
Dish Dolly R Us, Inc.


**************************

I haven't heard from James Brown since.

This makes me sad because our "Pope Benedict XVI" model just cleared customs.

Figures.

44 comments:

CatLadyLarew said...

I don't need a dish dolly, although the Liberace model is rather fetching, much like the man. But I am rather fond of that rocket picture. Is it for sale?

Eva Gallant said...

I think you're about 3 plates short of a service for eight!

JD at I Do Things said...

Dear Mr. Schumaker,

Do you make the kind of Dish Dolly that is actually a robot that will wash your dishes for you? Can you send me your price list? And more rocket drawings?

pattypunker said...

you sold me with encrusted diamonds, rubies and dinosaur fossils.

Christina_the_wench said...

Dish Dolly? I was relieved, as I kept reading, that this wasn't something we'd have Chris Hanson involved with. Again. He has to be getting tired of you by now.

Heather said...

So, I was google searching for my daughters next birthday present(gotta get a head start on this shit ya know) and I googled "real doll" and I gotta be honest, I immediately thought of you right before I gagged and shut down my computer for the day.

I want the dish dolly with rubies please.

Jen said...

See, you have stumbled into an untapped market, you could rule this whole dish dolly thing.

Becky..AMHW said...

Ooh the things that Liberace wore...they make me quiver! I spent an afternoon at the Liberace Museum in a state of contented rhinestone bliss.

Dare you! Dare you sir! To associate that fabulous man's name with dirty dishes! Or used condoms! Wait...NM. Dare you! You only hope to reach the level of sparkle and pure unadulterated joie de virve that Liberace possessed!

May that Nigerian hunt you down and wipe a booger on you.

Mike said...

I take standart model for $399.00. Do you also send picture of rocket son for how much to charge?

Yours Thanks.

Paul said...

I'd like to trade my 3 jewel encrusted Liberace models for ones with some kind of laser defense system. Dishes are a rare commodity out here in the mountains (Thank goodness it has 4WD) and the goats are constantly stealing my chaffing dishes as well as what I believe are supposed to be shrimp forks. Or maybe they're tiny tridents. I can't tell.

smArtee said...

Hahahahah..LMAO...cant wait for the reply..!

ClevelandPoet said...

as soon as I steal a credit card and take cash advance out you'll be getting my order for the Liberace Model because that thing is boss

hell its even as the kids say on twitter these days bawse.

It'll go great with my Rockettes costume

Brutalism said...

I think the picture of the rocket should be shellacked onto the Liberace model dish dolly. For obvious reasons.

Moooooog35 said...

Catlady: Liberace. Fetching. Really?

Eva: Three points to you for a dining reference!

JD: I can do the rocket drawings but it will cost you.

Patty: I think the fossils seal the deal.

Christina: I'm pretty sure it's like the Boy who Cried Wolf by now.

Just where I want him...

Heather: hahaha. you said 'you gagged.'

Jen: Can and WILL.

Becky: wtf is up with you people and Liberace? Am I thinking of the wrong guy?

Mike: I'll just need your account numbers. Thanks.

Paul: The laser defense one just so happens to be the Pope model...so you're in luck my friend.

smARtee: I think that ship has sailed.

Cleveland: cha..wait for it..ching.

Brutalism: It's kind of a cut-and-paste thing. To have me do it is extra.

Anonymous said...

Hey the text says base model is $300 and the photo says $399...no wonder he didn't respond!

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Now I want a dish dolly AND a rocket. I can't afford both, asshole.

The Sweetest said...

What a perfect way to deal with spam! I love that you were entertained AND you got to mess with whomever was spamming you.

Tarheel Rambler said...

I wonder if Mr. Brown is a deposed former Nigerian president? His speech patterns and method of doing business are very similar.

Ed said...

You showed him what improper English gets you.

Not a dish dolly, thats what.

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

I thought James Brown was dead.

Screw the dolly, I want the rocket. Do you take Canadian Tire money (you may have to look that up)?

Ok I will take a dolly - is there a Moyle model (yep, look that up too).

Chris said...

This is awesome ... just makes me wish I got high quality spam like you do so I could play too *happy sigh*

-Chris

Malach the Merciless said...

I feel good . .

Vodka Logic said...

I really wonder sometimes what the inside of your head (the one on your shoulders) looks like.

that was too funny.. xx

jen said...

Erm, so I'd like the Liberace please and thank you!

Kate said...

Can't believe he didn't place the order and after you included the rocket pic too!

Kate xx
http://secretofficeconfessions.blogspot.com

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

I totally want the rocket!! Have something for you on my blog today.
http://midwesternmamah.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-love-you-like-my-favorite-dildo.html

Big Fat Gini said...

I'll gladly buy a dish dolly from you. If you could make mine jewel encrusted, I'd be happy to pay extra. With four kids, you always need a dish dolly!

Following you from Are You Serious! Love it!

Moooooog35 said...

Anonymous: Dammit. I knew I shouldn't have had my dog draw them.

Bloggess: For you, I can talk to the owner and see if we can get you a discount.

Sweetest: Tis how I roll, sista.

Tarheel: I shall get million of dollar!

Ed: Honestly...I never noticed his English.

I'm losing it.

Brahm: I'm deducting points on your comment because you're making me do work.

FOR. SHAME.

Chris: Send me your email address and I'll send you a request for lingerie.

Not a joke. I'm creepy like that.

Malach: YAY YOU!

?

Vodka: I usually just picture a lonely peanut.

Jen: As soon as your check clears, it's yours.

Kate: I was almost positive the rocket would have sealed the deal.

Live and learn.

Live and learn.

Midwestern: You can have the rocket.

Wait. What are we talking about?

Big Fat Gini: The Liberace COMES jewel encrusted...so you're in luck!

Suzy said...

I really should start reading my email more closely. God knows what I've missed when I hit delete.

ThePeachy1 said...

I had my cash ready for the rocket. I am hoping you except Russian Rubbles and Pirate gold. My problem is I have no manila envelopes you speak of, only the vanilla ones. Will this work for you?

meleah rebeccah said...

I want a dish dolly that also WASHES my dishes and puts them away. If not, please send me some more photos of rockets. Thanks in advance.

Opto-Mom said...

My husband said he wanted a Dish Dolly. Then I showed him a pic and he said, "never mind." Not sure what he was expecting... hmmm.....

Just found your blog today, and it makes me smile. Come check out mine too!

kathcom said...

I hope James Brown contacts you soon. Maybe he's wavering about which one to get. On the one hand, I'm curious to see the Pope model--what's a little uranium among friends.

On the other hand, I love the sparkly stuff. The jewels and dinosaur fossils on the Liberace model are calling my name. (Seriously, I hear my name. I'm either hallucinating or it's those children I have trapped under my floorboards.)

Anyway, good luck on your new business. Since it's a fake one, it can't fail so you're off to a good start.

Sunny said...

All of that sounds fab but honestly, I don't want anything that's "encrusted".

I also think you have a new tag line "I'm so money, I COME(cum, get it?) jewel encrusted. On second thought, that sounds painful. But 3 points to me for the "Swingers" reference.

Cheeseboy said...

Okay, Midwestern Mama sent me over and this is the damned funniest thing I have read all week. Nicely played sir, but it was a fully deserved prank on his part.

I dig your blog. I think you have a very similar sense of humor as my blog.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

I want a Liberace Dish Dolly too! You had me at iPod docking station.

Amanda said...

Can you tell me if you carry a Dolly Dolly?

I'm an egg barren 22 1/2 year old German exchange student who takes great comfort in fake/real dolls to keep me company and make my life whole.

Please email with dimensions as I live in a cave.

Pat said...

Oookay, I thought a dish dolly had something to do with Dolly Parton, maybe balancing a couple of plates on her, well, you know.

Liberace dish dolly! Ha! You forgot the candelabra!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Holy Crap I laughed my head off. Where is my head.

Oh hey, customs here. Your dish dolly has not cleared we are awaiting an Iranian to pick up his goat, Dolly.

Abu Akhmar,
Attoney in Iran.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

and how many effing work hours were used to create the dolly pamphlet? if i ever have to get a real job, i want yours.

cardiogirl said...

I don't know which I want more The Pope Benedict XVI or The Liberace Model.

Did you use a glue gun to attach those jewels?

megaman said...

Cash is on the way..Satellite TV and does the dishes? Wow..

Ms. Salti said...

You are awesome!

A Vapid Blonde said...

For 75K I want a ride on the rocket...

Uh? Nevermind?

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