The following is a true story of something that happened to me on an airplane.
I really, really, really wish it wasn't.
But then again...this is pretty much how my friggin' life goes.
God hates me so much.
(click to enlarge images)
I'm sitting in my seat on the plane...when just then...
Alas, this is not a 'mile high club' story.
GOD HATES ME.
YAY FOR ME!
Because nothing says 'have an awesome flight' more than sitting next to a person shooting phlegm everywhere.
Yes. As I glance over, I notice that this woman's face is literally covered with big raw red splotches.
It's like I'm sitting next to supermodel but instead of a supermodel it's an unattractive woman who can't stop coughing and sniffling and is covered in these friggin' lesions and open sores.
So, you know, maybe not like a supermodel at all.
OH..what's she doing?
Because when someone sitting next to you takes out their laptop there is NO PHYSICAL WAY you can avert your eyes even if it's gay porn.
Don't ask me how I know that.
For those of you wondering, YES, the airplane DID have wireless Internet access which I find weird because they make YOU shut all your shit off but they can run whatever they want and now my head hurts from thinking about it.
She just went to Africa! How fun!
She just went to Africa?
The following Google search was primarily seen by me in slow motion.
Kind of like watching your life flash before you but instead of your life it's a Google search.
Man. My analogies suck today.
Let's see what she's Googling...
It was on or around this time that I seriously just wanted the plane to nosedive into something.
The Sea. A Building. Bermuda Triangle. Sarah Jessica Parker. SOMETHING.
But it didn't.
So now I probably have Typhoid Fever which I contracted from my coach seat while sitting next to sniffly-coughy-typhoid-rash-woman on the damn airplane.
Because God hates me.