Update on my Childhood Pneumonia Alcoholism Post | Mental Poo

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Update on my Childhood Pneumonia Alcoholism Post

So I posted about how my parents used to kind of drug me into a stupor when I was a kid which, honestly, probably explains A LOT..

..and I was surprised to find that I was not alone in being the recipient of homemade 'medicines' that may or may not include enough alcohol to fully stock a party at one of the Kennedys estates.

*********************

UPDATE:

If you thought I was making this up, here's an email I sent to my mom while I was writing that post trying to figure out the name of the crap they were giving me was, and what was actually in it that they were apparently trying to kill me with.

Here's what I remembered was in it:

1) HOT Water
2) Orange juice
3) FUCKING MOLASSES WTF
4) Booze. Lots and lots of booze.

Why you can't get this shit in a juicebox, I have no idea.

But that's all I could remember was in it, so I emailed my mom:




OH. Lemon. Sorry.

I was missing the obvious miraculous healing properties of "Vitamin-C" in this adolescent version of a Harvey Wallbanger.

Also, based on my mom's email, my family lineage includes a long line of parents trying to turn their small children into alcoholics.

Consider the torch passed, mom.




Oh, look.

ANOTHER INGREDIENT.

Nice.

Molasses AND honey.

Two. Natural. Laxatives.

Because once the kid wakes up in a week, it would probably be a great idea if he shit for three days just to make sure all the demons are out.

Makes sense.

52 comments:

Jewels said...

I am gagging just thinking about this concoction again! All the sudden I am not finding my Greek grandmother's antidotes nearly as bad!! Yuck-how did you ever live to adulthood!?

Lynn MacDonald said...

Hahaha...my mom used to make something like this also except I think she added bourbon. I started my kids on Bourbon from birth so they'd sleep through their entire childhood.

It totally didn't work. They're still around. In fact, one of them wrote a guest post today since she's home on spring break! They just never completely leave I suppose.

Jessica said...

At least you had additives. My father just gave us whiskey.

The Simple Dude said...

I feel so left out, my parents never tried any weird, homemade generations old medicinal remedies on me.

The best I got was a couple aspirin and advice to sleep it off. I'm starting to think my parents took the easy way out.

SD
The Simple Dude

IWASNTBLOGGEDYESTERDAY said...

"it tastes disgusting" but she stillg ave it to you ...bahahaha

Joshua said...

I remember one time I was at a friend's house, probably about 11 years old. We'd been playing outside and I started coughing, runny nose, etc. His grandfather was visiting from Germany. He took one look at my, gave me a shot of whiskey, and said I should go to sleep. Woke up cured the next morning. What's with all these adults trying to get kids hammered? At least I woke up with my pants still on.

laughingmom said...

Glad that your Mom could clear that up for you - when I wasn't drunk from the homemade cough syrup I was climbing on the bathroom counter to eat handfulls of the chewy baby aspirin that was in the medicine cabinet. No wonder we are all so normal...

Moooooog35 said...

Jewels: HAHAHAHA. Adulthood. HAHAHAHA.

Lynn: Ah, bourbon. For those children with sophisticated palates.

Jessica: ..and a funnel.

Simple Dude: HAHAHA SUCKS TO BE YOU!

IWasntBlogged: You know..I didn't realize that til just now WTF, MOM.

Joshua: All that says is that he knew how to cover his tracks.

You've been violated.

Laughing: If you want to read a story about a kid eating things that he wasn't supposed to..

CLICK HERE

SarcasmInAction said...

Thanks for the recipe!
I'm always looking for things to add to my cookbook.

ryoko861 said...

I think she's fining memory loss. She thinks you're probably going to make the same shit up for your kids and knows damn well you shouldn't. She sees the repercussions.

laughingmom said...

Thanks for the link - I laughed so hard I almost crapped myself (in your honor). If only your folks had kept the exlax up above the counter you probably wouldn't have exerted the energy to climb up and get them!!

Jen said...

We got these homemade remedies with booze in them too. Usually when we went on an airplane. Luckily my dad was a doctor and he would just give me some of my mom's sedatives. I think he cut them in half.

Vinny C said...

At least your folks used "medicine" as an excuse. Here, it's considered normal for the older people to say, "Give him/her (i.e.: two-year-old baby) a sip! It's about time they get their first taste."

The Empress said...

Oh, my poor sweet Mooooog.

I adore you.

Elly Lou said...

Honey is a laxative? I think you just saved me $20 a month on toilet paper.

Tzipporah said...

My husband's mother used to steep tea in orange juice for them when they were sick. No word on whether or not it had booze.

brookeamanda said...

My mom (who is 72 yrs old) has told me before that her parents gave all the kids "hot toddies" when they were sick, which was basically whisky and warm water. Yummy!

Spalderdash said...

These ingredients just get weirder and weirder.

The next time I get sick, I'm going to blend up a bunch of squid eyeballs and melon and see what happens. I'll report back (if I'm not dead). You can pass this onto your grandkids.

pattypunker said...

this sounds much better than metamucil.

Ann said...

My mom stuck with good old fashioned brandy. (the good stuff, not the stuff that tastes like fuel)

Just like her dad (the alcoholic) gave her.

Knight said...

I still do this every time I have a cold and I need to sing. You mix a little brandy with hot tea and either honey or molASSes. Then you throw in some cayenne and bite a lemon after you drink it. Clears you right up. I've always thought alcohol was the perfect miracle drug for cleaning out the demons.

A Vapid Blonde said...

Hmmm, medicinal gin? Really? I thought gin just made people go crazy. It was all sounding rather yummy until Gin walked in.
Imagine having a Jimmy Durante Gin Blossom by the time your 12. Such a hot look.

Dr. Cynicism said...

Just goes to prove that parents aren't happy unless their kids are passes out (and apparently shitting themselves??).

Moooooog35 said...

Sarcasm: haha. right. Like women cook.

ryoko: repurwhattins?

laughingmom: WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE DELICIOUS CHOCOLATES?!

Jen: You think...but can't be sure.

Vinny: Where do you live? South Boston?

Empress: And I you, baby.

Elly: Why do you think there's that entire 'bear pooping in the woods' thing? HONEY.

Tzipporah: If the kids existed before the 80's then, yes, it had booze in it.

brooke: I thought a 'hot toddie' was..well..you don't want to know.

Spalderdash: I know. I'm waiting for the email that says 'oh..yes..arsenic.'

patty: I know. Unless you mix the Metamucil with Margarita mix.

Ann: OOOh. Brandy. Did you have to smoke a pipe after you drank it?

Knight: blah blah blah I'm still looking at your bikini pics from today.

I'll have to get back to you on this comment.

Vapid: ha cha cha cha.

*cricket

Dr. Cynicism: It's our mantra, really.

Mandy: See? Explains a lot about our generation. Maybe too much.

PBJdreamer said...

mooooooooooog

I am impressed that you got this confession from your mom

PS Do not allow her to make you anything to ingest in the future

that is all

WebSavvyMom said...

-->My mother would make me a "Hot Toddy" which was a warm liquid with lemon and whatever booze had been sitting around in the liquor cabinet too long.
And by too long I mean there was some left from the previous weekend.

Kage said...

see? this is what i've been saying the whole time!

alcohol cures everything.

Mrsblogalot said...

Don't email her again about this. Who knows what other ingredient she's not telling you about!


You sure she didn't mention pot?

I'm pretty sure all cures back then came with pot.

SisterMerryHellish said...

No wonder it tastes aweful! You're not supposed to take fucking molasses orally!

Oh wait, maybe you are....

meleah rebeccah said...

"Because once the kid wakes up in a week, it would probably be a great idea if he shit for three days just to make sure all the demons are out."


AHAHAHHAHAHAhhaHAHhAhAHhHha.

Okay, that was hilarious.

This recipe reminds me of the stuff my mom used to give me. I think it was called a "Hot Toddy"?

Deborah said...

My parents used to make this stuff--but it was called a "hot toddy." At least that's what they called it. It was hot water, honey, lemon, and Gin. NASTY. I only remember getting it once, and I took one sip and wanted to know why my parents would want me to drink kerosene. It tasted that bad--and made my esophagus feel like it was on fire. I think I was actually wired for days after it--which is why I probably only got it once. LOL

Your concoction sounds significantly nastier. LOL

badlarry said...

I asked my dad about any other childhood "remedies" I may have gotten but either don't remember or have outright repressed, and he reminded me about the mustard compresses.

For those who have no idea what I'm talking about: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mustard_plaster

Yeah, that description doesn't do the things justice.

Imagine it smelling like someone set up a hot dog stand in your bedroom, and your chest feeling like it's on fire.

No wonder I haven't thought of the stupid things in nearly thirty years.

Ed said...

I thought lemon only worked on paper cuts.

Joshua said...

@Moog - Maybe he did, but I got my revenge when I banged his granddaughter several years later. A few years after that she died of a heroin overdose. So...double revenge, I guess?

terri c said...

Listen I'd rather have had the booze. My mother gave me juice (orange or apple) with cod liver oil mixed in.

Demented Duchess said...

I'm still laughing about the Harvey Wallbanger comment....bah ha ha ha

GrannyK said...

My parents were never cool enough to give us booze of any kind for any ailment.

Mom, however, went through a cod liver oil phase. Obviously, she just through we were just full of shit.

GrannyK said...

*thought...she THOUGHT we were full of shit.

vickilikesfrogs said...

terri c reminded me...when the booze/lemon/honey/satan shit stuff didn't work, my mom gave me Castor Oil. First, she made me drink orange juice, then shoved (slid?) Castor Oil down my throat, then tossed some saltines in there, followed by more orange juice.

I think she was probably trying to kill me. Y'know, like taking the morning after pill...five years later!

Oh yeah, and you have an award waiting for you over at Glitter Frog.

Moooooog35 said...

PBJ: done and done.

Websavvy: You're not the only one with a hot toddy. Sounds dirty..but read on..

Kage: You had me at your avatar.

Mrsblogalot: I think my folks were more into barbituates.

Wait. What?

Sister: No wonder your bung is so sticky.

Meleah: More people with hot toddies?!

Deborah: You and apparently 1500 other people had these things.

Badlarry: that sounds sickeningly delicious.

Ed: Yes. that and salt.

Joshua: touche' my friend.

terri: *pukes*

Demented: haha. you said 'banger.'

Grannyk: GOD why? WHY?!

Vickie: Thank you for the award!! I will swing by shortly!

The Barreness said...

Yea, my mother used to make me something called a Honey Lemon - effectively, tea, lemon, whisky, and honey.

At least I think those are the ingredients.

It wouldn't surprise me if she put molasses in it too. And probably a dash of cyanide.

We've never liked each other much.

- B x

Tzipporah said...

A real hot toddy is delicious. For an 8oz mug:

Grade B maple syrup (or honey - it's up to you), enough to coat the mug about 1/8 inch on bottom.

1/2 as much lemon juice as syrup

little splash of dark rum

hot water up to top of mug

DUDE. YUM.

Donnie said...

Was there a problem with that concoction? I don't see a problem with it personally, but then I mix Dr. Tichenor's with vanilla extract when I feel like watching any movie with Megan Fox in it. It's a numbing agent...

Stacyonthecouch said...

Serious question ... wtf is molasses? I remember 3 things in my fridge growing up. 1. milk in bags. 2. beer in short-neck bottles. and 3. molasses. No clue! And I'm pretty sure it was the same little carton my whole childhood. Excuse me while I google.

Stacyonthecouch said...

first thing that came up when I typed "wtf is molasses" is that it is good for pot plants. That explains why it was always in my fridge growing up. glad I cleared that up.

SisterMerryHellish said...

*gasp* Who told?!

hedge said...

Is this the same thing as a "hot toddy"?

I always wondered what was up with that....

Malach the Merciless said...

Mom told me it taste like my ass . . .


OH ZING!

MommaKiss said...

Honey is a laxative?

This explains SO much.

Madge said...

My mom called it " hot toddie" but it tasted like that green shit at the end og vomit.

Anonymous said...

My moms secret weapon was something called Buttercup Syrup...no idea as to what the ingredients are/were.

Paul, Dammit! said...

My mom used to rub scotch on our gums when we were teething. It worked pretty well, so I'm going to teach my kids to shoot it straight up.

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