No, I'm not talking about the Kardashians.
I'm getting a new tattoo.
For those who know me and my love of needles and getting tattooed the first time where I thought I was going to effing die, this should make you go:
"Why, Rodney? Why subject that nearly perfectly-sculpted body to such hedonistic torture? WHY MESS WITH PERFECTION? You are an Adonis!"
To which I say, "Thanks, mom."
But the answer, to put it bluntly, is "my kids."
You see, I've always wanted to have my kids' names or initials of "C" and "P" tattooed on my body somewhere.
Because someday, when I'm old and dying, the people caring for me will look at my tattoo and go, "so what does this stand for?" and I'll reply "What have you done with my Korean maid? I like pudding and muscle magazines! Yo Gabba Gabba!" because in this scenario I'm 96 and have no clue where I am.
To begin this adventure I enlisted the help of my friend and - literally - witch, Lisa 'InkWitch' Ainsworth over at Good Mojo Tattoos to help me with the design.
To start, I sent her a couple of sketches of my own on how I wanted the "C" and "P" to look. Please note that I didn't go with a "P" and "C" ordering because I'd hate for someone to think that meant 'Politically Correct' because HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA OMG I shouldn't have to explain that AT ALL.
Design sketch #1:
I did this one obviously myself using my skills honed over many many years in Microsoft Paint.
I actually kind of liked this one because it was ying-yangish but then I stood back and realized that it looked like a lollipop.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of Rodney's back? The world may never know.
Design sketches #2 and #3:
I drew these thinking I could kind of smush the letters together to form some kind of cool design but basically all I came up with was a little game of Tetris and a logo I could sell for upwards of $10 to a company with the initials, "CP."
Design sketch #3:
Taking the smushed initial idea of #2 a little further, I decided to make it more swoopy like this:
Then I realized I actually just drew the head of a mosquito.
It was, at this point, becoming painfully obvious that if the design was left up to me, this was going to be the worst tramp stamp ever.
I mean, um, "shoulder tattoo."
As such, in stepped Lisa with some sketches of her own to save the day.
Or at least try to. I'm kind of anal about things.
At least that's what my tramp stamp says.
(to be continued...)
If you want a tattoo done by some wicked talented people and you're in the Massachusetts area, make sure you check out Good Mojo Tattoos and tell them the Midget Man sent ya: