2012: A Tattoo Odyssey

Alternate title of this post:

"I got another tattoo and owie owie owie owie mother hell crap shit that hurts"

WARNING: This post contains photos of my naked upper body so please make sure you are reading this somewhere that you can run off and "take care of yourself" without getting Human Resources all up in your shit.

Onward.

When we last left our hero (me), the decision to have a tattoo that would incorporate my kids' initials of "C" and "P" was in full swing.

And now?

IT'S DONE.

The final design we decided on that would incorporate both my kids' initials of "C" and "P" into something cool that didn't look like crap was this:


You can see the left dragon head and flame curling up making the "C" for "Cameron," and the body and right side of the dragon (and flame) making a "P" for "Payton."

Also? A two-headed fire-breathing dragon pretty much sums up my two children perfectly.

So I made the appointment with my tattoo witch, Lisa, over at Good Mojo Tattoos in Beverly, MA and brought my girlfriend Kerri along because I assumed that I needed something or someone to bite down on and it began.

THE STENCIL

The first part of the ordeal - I mean, 'getting a tattoo' is creating a stencil of it and putting it where you want it to go.


This took 3 tries and is not as easy as it sounds because this tattoo was on my back which required me to look into a mirror reflecting in another mirror and OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE SIZE OF MY BALD SPOT ugh I should really start using Rogaine again and then I should probably lose 5 pounds because I have a bit of a muffin top and..

Lisa: "Jesus Christ will you just tell me if it's okay?"

It was okay.

Here's what the stencil looked like.


Next.

JUST A LITTLE PRICK

The title of this section also describes my personality in general but I'm referring to the starting of the tattoo here.

This begins with Lisa outlining the thing for half-an-hour and then saying, "Okay...that was just a run-through. I'm going to use ink now" and me shitting my pants and then her laughing and saying, "Just kidding. Outline is done."

Witches. Such cards.


Several times during the process my girlfriend would wipe my brow because I was sweating. She did this using a wet paper towel with the hand that I didn't break from squeezing.

Overall it wasn't that painful, as can be seen in this shot of my nonplussed expression:


Other captions include:

"Thank you sir, may I have another!"

"MORE LUBE!"

"This is what it sounds like when doves cry."

"Here we see the opposite of McDonald's 'I'm lovin' it!' slogan."

I'm considering turning this into a caption contest. Have at it in the comments.

INTERMISSION

I had to reverse-cowgirl the tattooing chair to have this done which gave me a wonderful glimpse at my arms so why should I let you guys lose out on that view?

RIGHT.


You almost can't tell that I'm sobbing just off-mirror.

THE FINAL PRODUCT

After about an hour and 15 minutes, Lisa finished.

Here's what it looked like fresh out of the chair:


Perfect.

I sent the pic to my kids via text and they were flipping out about how awesome it was. I can't wait for their reactions when they see it in person later today and their initials are forever emblazoned on my back.

So the pain? Totally worth it.

Would I do it again?

Fuck. No.

But if you want one, and are in the Beverly, Massachusetts area, I suggest you click on the link at the bottom of the page.

Tattooed Moooooog out.

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If you want a tattoo done by some wicked talented people and you're in the Massachusetts area, make sure you check out Good Mojo Tattoos and tell them the Midget Man sent ya:

Fire-breathing double-headed pain - Part 1

No, I'm not talking about the Kardashians.

I'm getting a new tattoo.

For those who know me and my love of needles and getting tattooed the first time where I thought I was going to effing die, this should make you go:

"Why, Rodney? Why subject that nearly perfectly-sculpted body to such hedonistic torture? WHY MESS WITH PERFECTION? You are an Adonis!"

To which I say, "Thanks, mom."

But the answer, to put it bluntly, is "my kids."

You see, I've always wanted to have my kids' names or initials of "C" and "P" tattooed on my body somewhere.

Because someday, when I'm old and dying, the people caring for me will look at my tattoo and go, "so what does this stand for?" and I'll reply "What have you done with my Korean maid? I like pudding and muscle magazines! Yo Gabba Gabba!" because in this scenario I'm 96 and have no clue where I am.

To begin this adventure I enlisted the help of my friend and - literally - witch, Lisa 'InkWitch' Ainsworth over at Good Mojo Tattoos to help me with the design.

To start, I sent her a couple of sketches of my own on how I wanted the "C" and "P" to look. Please note that I didn't go with a "P" and "C" ordering because I'd hate for someone to think that meant 'Politically Correct' because HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA OMG I shouldn't have to explain that AT ALL.

Design sketch #1:


I did this one obviously myself using my skills honed over many many years in Microsoft Paint.

I actually kind of liked this one because it was ying-yangish but then I stood back and realized that it looked like a lollipop.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of Rodney's back? The world may never know.

Design sketches #2 and #3:


I drew these thinking I could kind of smush the letters together to form some kind of cool design but basically all I came up with was a little game of Tetris and a logo I could sell for upwards of $10 to a company with the initials, "CP."

Design sketch #3:

Taking the smushed initial idea of #2 a little further, I decided to make it more swoopy like this:

Then I realized I actually just drew the head of a mosquito.



It was, at this point, becoming painfully obvious that if the design was left up to me, this was going to be the worst tramp stamp ever.

I mean, um, "shoulder tattoo."

*spits

As such, in stepped Lisa with some sketches of her own to save the day.

Or at least try to. I'm kind of anal about things.

At least that's what my tramp stamp says.

(to be continued...)


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If you want a tattoo done by some wicked talented people and you're in the Massachusetts area, make sure you check out Good Mojo Tattoos and tell them the Midget Man sent ya: