RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES! - Jesus took the wheel - and his wife bitched about his driving the whole time | Mental Poo

Thursday, September 20, 2012

RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES! - Jesus took the wheel - and his wife bitched about his driving the whole time

Yet another 'Ripped from the Headlines' episode of 'Mental Poo' today.

This just in:

This of course got me thinking to what kind of marital discussions Jesus and his wife would get into during their marriage.

Jesus: "Okay, I'm out of here."
Mrs. Jesus: "Where the Hell do you think YOU'RE going?"
Jesus: "Um. I'm meeting the Apostles over at the baptism place."
Mrs. Jesus: "No. Nuh-uh. That's 3 nights in a row this week. They can all take a bath without you."

Jesus: "Honey, I'm home!"
Mrs. Jesus: "Um. Forget something?"
Jesus: "Ah, shit."
Mrs Jesus: "Amazing. A man who can raise the dead and turn water into wine but he can't remember the simple task of bringing home a gallon of milk."

Mrs. Jesus: "Oh my God, have you been drinking?"
Jesus: "NO! Of course not!"
Mrs. Jesus: "LIAR. You breath reeks of the blood of Christ."

During sex:

Mrs Jesus: "Oh, yes! You! You! Oh, your dad!"

Mrs. Jesus: "All I'm asking is that you put your dishes away and clean up after yourself. I get that you were born in a barn but you don't have to act like it."

Jesus (running around the house): "Honey, have you seen my halo?"
Mrs. Jesus: "Maybe you left it on the bathroom floor again with all your wet towels when you forgot to flush the toilet and put the seat down."
Jesus: "I hate you so much."

 Mrs. Jesus: "Ugh. Your mother's coming over."
Jesus: "What? You don't like my mother?"
Mrs. Jesus: "I always feel like she's judging me. I get it. You had God's kid. GET OVER YOURSELF."

My sincere apologies to my faithful Christian readers. But, if it totally makes you feel any better, I was totally going to burn in Hell for eternity based on what I did last Saturday night alone.


Alyssa said...

BLASPHEMY!! Ha ha. Jesus says I should love you anyway. And hell, you make me laugh, even with your blasphemy, so I can live with it. Now, aren't you glad I'm not Muslim??

Anonymous said...

This is fantastic! See, I told you that you didn't need to use "fucking awesome".

Unknown said...

Only the sex one was in questionable taste! lol
Which is unusual in your posts!

Dazee Dreamer said...

This post seriously made me spit out my coke zero. thanks for the laugh.

Unknown said...

I love where Jesus says "I hate you so much" Spoken like a true married couple. Couldn't stop laughing at that one.

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