RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES! - Jesus took the wheel - and his wife bitched about his driving the whole time

Yet another 'Ripped from the Headlines' episode of 'Mental Poo' today.

This just in:

This of course got me thinking to what kind of marital discussions Jesus and his wife would get into during their marriage.

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Jesus: "Okay, I'm out of here."
Mrs. Jesus: "Where the Hell do you think YOU'RE going?"
Jesus: "Um. I'm meeting the Apostles over at the baptism place."
Mrs. Jesus: "No. Nuh-uh. That's 3 nights in a row this week. They can all take a bath without you."

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Jesus: "Honey, I'm home!"
Mrs. Jesus: "Um. Forget something?"
Jesus: "Ah, shit."
Mrs Jesus: "Amazing. A man who can raise the dead and turn water into wine but he can't remember the simple task of bringing home a gallon of milk."

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Mrs. Jesus: "Oh my God, have you been drinking?"
Jesus: "NO! Of course not!"
Mrs. Jesus: "LIAR. You breath reeks of the blood of Christ."

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During sex:

Mrs Jesus: "Oh, yes! You! You! Oh, your dad!"

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Jesus: "WILL YOU STOP NAGGING ME, WOMAN?"
Mrs. Jesus: "All I'm asking is that you put your dishes away and clean up after yourself. I get that you were born in a barn but you don't have to act like it."

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Jesus (running around the house): "Honey, have you seen my halo?"
Mrs. Jesus: "Maybe you left it on the bathroom floor again with all your wet towels when you forgot to flush the toilet and put the seat down."
Jesus: "I hate you so much."

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 Mrs. Jesus: "Ugh. Your mother's coming over."
Jesus: "What? You don't like my mother?"
Mrs. Jesus: "I always feel like she's judging me. I get it. You had God's kid. GET OVER YOURSELF."

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My sincere apologies to my faithful Christian readers. But, if it totally makes you feel any better, I was totally going to burn in Hell for eternity based on what I did last Saturday night alone.