Today, as a service to the readers of Mental Poo...
I present to you the following "Clip N Save" section:
"What the stuffed animals on your car's dashboard say about you."
Much like people analyze the content of their dreams, I have also come up with a way to determine someone's personality:
By looking at the number and type of stuffed animals they have displayed inside their cars.
Here we go:
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Your Personality Profile based on the NUMBER of stuffed animals displayed in your car:
One stuffed animal:
You may have a forgetful child.
Either that, or you are simply a loser.
Two stuffed animals:
You have TWO forgetful children who obviously need some sort of discipline in their lives not counting what they have to endure on a nightly basis listening to you yell at the contestants on "Wheel of Fortune" and I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, Mr. Belvedere, but the answer is NOT "Johnny Come Lastly" which is NOT ONLY the wrong phrase but the friggin' category is "European Countries."
Most likely, you eat TV dinners alone.
Although I do this same thing (more Salisbury Steak for me!), I have the benefit of not compounding my pain with toys on my dashboard.
Three stuffed animals:
Seriously. What the Hell is wrong with you?
Don't forget your therapy appointment at 4 o'clock, you freak.
You might also want to dispose of that body in your trunk. It's starting to smell funky.
Your Personality Profile based on the TYPE of stuffed animals displayed in your car:
Cat (Also see "two or three animals" above):
No one likes you ... not even your cat.
Which is kind of obvious since cats don't like anything except apathy.
If it weren't for the regular supply of kibble you give it, it probably would have killed you in your sleep by now.
This would be a welcome release for you. Your kin would dance at the showing of the body - probably to something by Beyonce'.
You're simply sad, because your dog truly is your only best friend.
On the bright side, though, at least it's not a cat.
There's actually hope for you, unless that IS actually your dog on the dashboard.
Having a real dog in your car's back window indicates that this is the "bait" you use for attracting children.
You probably should be committed.
Mythical Animal (unicorn, dragon, Paris Hilton's virginity, etc):
If you are displaying a unicorn, dragon, etc., etc., then you're a 6 year old girl and shouldn't be driving.
It's either that, or you're a female Goth who puts out for guys in long robes and Robin Hood boots.
You often attend Renaissance Faires and have a "list" of people you want killed.
If you have a tongue ring, please call me.
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There you have it.
Hope it helps.
Next week we unveil the mystery behind people who wear their goddamn sunglasses indoors and those asshats who wear their hats sideways.