Things I've come across on Amazon. Not literally.

With my book now published and available on Amazon.com (plug), I spend roughly every other second of the day seeing if it's rank has gone up.

If it hasn't, or has gone down, I spend the seconds in between the checking sobbing.

It's a vicious cycle.

Regardless, as I'm checking the stats I've come across a number of things that I find odd, hilarious or OMG that need to be shared.

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That's right.

I'm getting BETTER REVIEWS THAN THE BIBLE.

There will be no living with Jesus after this.

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MY EYES!!!

That? That is why you don't name your book after yourself.

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These two I'm on the fence about.

FIRST: I'm in great company with The Bloggess and Suzy Soro (BOTH of whom, I might add, are quoted on my back cover). Throw Stephen Colbert in there and we have quite the trifecta.

But then you throw in the monkey jammies, milk and banana cutter and, well, confusion sets in.

That said:

For your homework, right after you buy several dozen copies of my book, is to go to The Tuscan Milk page and read the reviews.

I spent several hours doing this. You will die laughing.

Which is much better than looking inside Al Roker.

Trust me on this.