"Romantic as Hell" is AVAILABLE and oh, look, I made a video!

If you've been living in a cave then congrats on figuring out how to get decent wi-fi in the wilderness.

If you haven't, then you know my latest literary creation, Romantic as Hell, has finally gone on sale!

As of August 20th, you can get it at these locations:


Amazon - Paperback

Amazon - Kindle

Barnes and Noble - Paperback

RCG Publishing - links to all versions PLUS signed copies

So far I've gotten 31 reviews in the 4 days it's been released. That's seriously awesome and I can't thank all you guys enough.

Go grab yourself a copy, please, and then make sure you throw your reviews up (good, bad or ugly) because that's all I have left, really.

Thanks!

To repay you, here is the OFFICIAL "Romantic as Hell" book trailer, because nothing says 'Romance' like ripping off Blair Witch, ammiright?

Enjoy!

ERMAGERD and an apology

Hey everyone.

First, I need to apologize for getting you guys all excited and posting for, like, 3 weeks straight and then disappearing again.

I'm like that mysterious man in your life who has a wife and only spends time with you when his wife is visiting her mom.

Don't ask me how I know that.

I apologize for being so unattainable as of late, but I have been diligently working and reworking "Romantic as Hell" to make it - and I say this with all the sincerity of someone who wants to sell a billion copies of this - the best book EVER.

EVER.

I'm talking "Better than the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series" good.

That said - I'm working with the PDF proof of the book as we speak, which is the LAST iteration I get to see before it goes to print. PRINT, people. PRINT.

So, yes. It's coming very soon.

Just like I do when the wife is visiting her mom.

I should probably stop typing now.

Whoa.

So, turns out I have some pretty high-profile backers of my upcoming book. I just got Justin Guarini to endorse "Romantic as Hell" and my boner hasn't gone done since I've received his quote.

I'm not gay, just really excited.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

If - for some reason - you have no clue who Justin Guarini is click here.

I also highly suggest you follow him on Twitter because he is hysterical.

If you STILL don't know who he is, feel free to watch this:



You're welcome.

That said, check out the marketing sleeve I made for "Romantic as Hell" - Coming soon to an Amazon near you.

That sounds weird.

Special thanks to EVERYONE who has been helping me with this project. You know who you are and I love you all in the sensitive bits. You complete me.

Romantic as Hell COVER REVEAL!

Well, it's getting closer to release time (that's what he said), so here you go...

The officially almost-final cover of "Romantic as Hell"

Stay tuned for presale info and the final release date COMING SOON!!!

What do you guys think?

You know you wanna...

Before I get to writing my new post, just wanted to let you all know that the pre-sale for my upcoming book, "Romantic as Hell" will be going on VERY VERY shortly!!

If you're interested in getting an advanced copy of the PDF (unfinished) and would like to give it a review on your website/blog, you can sign up by clicking this link:

CLICK THIS LINK AND BECOME IMMORTAL*

*immortality totally not guaranteed, FYI

FYI, by going there and signing up, you'll get a sneak peek at the cover of the book and, I have to tell you, it's pretty fucking phenomenal. Probably because I didn't make it this time.

Hope to see you there! If you know anyone that does book reviews or would also like a copy for their blog, please share the link!

Stay tuned for an upcoming real post.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled whatever.

Cover Me

The breaking news of late is that my third book should be coming out this Spring!

It's called, "Romantic as Hell - Tales of Woe, Tips of Woo."

As it stands right now, it's in the hands of my editor and then off to my publisher for final formatting.

However...

There stands the issue of the cover.

I've come up with a couple of ideas, none of which I'm completely sold on. Here are some that I came up with on my own for the front:

Personally, I like the second one better.

I also had another idea of a woman's foot in a red high heel shoe stepping on a teddy bear for the front, and another shot of her stepping on a heart-shaped box of chocolates for the back.

However, my wife refuses to be a foot model and mine are hairy. Also, my pumps are, like, SO OLD.

I've said too much.

Another idea is to have a teddy bear tied to an archery target, with flaming arrows surrounding him.

As you can tell, the book is pretty anti-teddy bear.

If any of you want to throw some ideas my way, have at it. I'm always open to suggestions, especially if the suggestion includes alcohol. If you're good at PhotoShop or any graphics program, and want to give it a go, I can give you an acknowledgement in the back of the book and promise you a signed copy of the book, plus the usual praises in your general direction, etc., etc.

Because when I'm dead my signature might be worth some $$

It's here.

Well, kind of.

My new book, "Perhaps I've Said Too Much" is set to be released on November 19th, 2013!

In anticipation of it's general release, I am doing something I've NEVER done before.

*does naked robot dance*

It's not that. I do that a lot, actually.

NO! What I'm doing is actually offering both versions of the book - Paperback and Kindle - in a PRE-SALE OFFER!

Here's what YOU get for ordering the book in advance of it's release date:


Pre-order the beautiful, full-color paperback for $15.99, and get FREE SHIPPING on a SIGNED copy of the book AND an autographed 5x7 lithograph of the alternate cover! (US only - outside the US subject to add'l shipping)

Pre-order the full-color Amazon Kindle version for $4.99 and we will email you a SIGNED graphic of the alternate cover the day the book releases, along with a link to your Kindle download.

BAM.

To place your pre-order for "Perhaps I've Said Too Much," just go here.

Thanks, everyone!! Spread the word!

This is way better than a Leg Lamp.

I called my publisher the other day to ask him a question, and he answered the phone like this:

"So, you like the email?"

Um.

Sure?

Me: "Uh..hi? What? What email?"

Tim: "Go check your email."

So of course I ran to check my email because I assumed Kate Upton was asking him how to get in touch with me.

Man, if I had a nickel.

But, no. Instead, what greeted me was THIS:

OMGOMGOMGOMG.

HOLY CRAP POOP!

And then I apparently fainted and was out cold for days because I woke up in the middle of my living room with my dog looking at me hungrily and I had a full beard.

So, yeah. I was a finalist in the "Humor/Comedy" category for the Next Generation Indie Book Awards but I think I'm more excited about winning a medal for it which I will wear all the time just like this:

I'm considering going to the ceremony so they can actually PUT THE MEDAL AROUND MY NECK because this is probably as close as I'll ever get to knighthood or doing something remotely athletic.

Awesome.

*********************

If you haven't read my book yet, or would like to order 3,000 more copies of a Next Generation Indie Book Awards Finalist, you can get it in FULL COLOR paperback and Kindle versions here:

Things Go Wrong for Me - Amazon.com