ERMAGERD and an apology

Hey everyone.

First, I need to apologize for getting you guys all excited and posting for, like, 3 weeks straight and then disappearing again.

I'm like that mysterious man in your life who has a wife and only spends time with you when his wife is visiting her mom.

Don't ask me how I know that.

I apologize for being so unattainable as of late, but I have been diligently working and reworking "Romantic as Hell" to make it - and I say this with all the sincerity of someone who wants to sell a billion copies of this - the best book EVER.

EVER.

I'm talking "Better than the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series" good.

That said - I'm working with the PDF proof of the book as we speak, which is the LAST iteration I get to see before it goes to print. PRINT, people. PRINT.

So, yes. It's coming very soon.

Just like I do when the wife is visiting her mom.

I should probably stop typing now.

Whoa.

So, turns out I have some pretty high-profile backers of my upcoming book. I just got Justin Guarini to endorse "Romantic as Hell" and my boner hasn't gone done since I've received his quote.

I'm not gay, just really excited.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

If - for some reason - you have no clue who Justin Guarini is click here.

I also highly suggest you follow him on Twitter because he is hysterical.

If you STILL don't know who he is, feel free to watch this:



You're welcome.

That said, check out the marketing sleeve I made for "Romantic as Hell" - Coming soon to an Amazon near you.

That sounds weird.

Special thanks to EVERYONE who has been helping me with this project. You know who you are and I love you all in the sensitive bits. You complete me.

You know you wanna...

Before I get to writing my new post, just wanted to let you all know that the pre-sale for my upcoming book, "Romantic as Hell" will be going on VERY VERY shortly!!

If you're interested in getting an advanced copy of the PDF (unfinished) and would like to give it a review on your website/blog, you can sign up by clicking this link:

CLICK THIS LINK AND BECOME IMMORTAL*

*immortality totally not guaranteed, FYI

FYI, by going there and signing up, you'll get a sneak peek at the cover of the book and, I have to tell you, it's pretty fucking phenomenal. Probably because I didn't make it this time.

Hope to see you there! If you know anyone that does book reviews or would also like a copy for their blog, please share the link!

Stay tuned for an upcoming real post.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled whatever.

Cover Me

The breaking news of late is that my third book should be coming out this Spring!

It's called, "Romantic as Hell - Tales of Woe, Tips of Woo."

As it stands right now, it's in the hands of my editor and then off to my publisher for final formatting.

However...

There stands the issue of the cover.

I've come up with a couple of ideas, none of which I'm completely sold on. Here are some that I came up with on my own for the front:

Personally, I like the second one better.

I also had another idea of a woman's foot in a red high heel shoe stepping on a teddy bear for the front, and another shot of her stepping on a heart-shaped box of chocolates for the back.

However, my wife refuses to be a foot model and mine are hairy. Also, my pumps are, like, SO OLD.

I've said too much.

Another idea is to have a teddy bear tied to an archery target, with flaming arrows surrounding him.

As you can tell, the book is pretty anti-teddy bear.

If any of you want to throw some ideas my way, have at it. I'm always open to suggestions, especially if the suggestion includes alcohol. If you're good at PhotoShop or any graphics program, and want to give it a go, I can give you an acknowledgement in the back of the book and promise you a signed copy of the book, plus the usual praises in your general direction, etc., etc.

You win some, you get strange looks from the postman

I had a book release party over on the Perhaps I've Said Too Much Fan Page the other day, and gave away some eBooks, signed cover lithographs and custom bookmarks.

As I'm stuffing the lithos and bookmarks into the envelopes, I'm thinking to myself that since the book is about messing with people, it only seems right to keep it going on these prizes.

Right. Wrong.

Whatever.

So here's what I wrote on the winner's envelopes. There are probably a bunch of husbands wanting to kill me right now.

That one is actually true.

Personally, I'd rip that one open SO FAST...

This one was for Karoline:

I have no idea if these envelopes made it to their destinations or not.

I'm assuming the postal workers probably had a tough time resisting. I mean, "naked alien autopsy photos?"

SIGN ME UP. I'd be tearing into that thing so fast.

Go over and like the page. 

You never know when I'm going to give more shit away.

Because when I'm dead my signature might be worth some $$

It's here.

Well, kind of.

My new book, "Perhaps I've Said Too Much" is set to be released on November 19th, 2013!

In anticipation of it's general release, I am doing something I've NEVER done before.

*does naked robot dance*

It's not that. I do that a lot, actually.

NO! What I'm doing is actually offering both versions of the book - Paperback and Kindle - in a PRE-SALE OFFER!

Here's what YOU get for ordering the book in advance of it's release date:


Pre-order the beautiful, full-color paperback for $15.99, and get FREE SHIPPING on a SIGNED copy of the book AND an autographed 5x7 lithograph of the alternate cover! (US only - outside the US subject to add'l shipping)

Pre-order the full-color Amazon Kindle version for $4.99 and we will email you a SIGNED graphic of the alternate cover the day the book releases, along with a link to your Kindle download.

BAM.

To place your pre-order for "Perhaps I've Said Too Much," just go here.

Thanks, everyone!! Spread the word!