So…you people like ass cooties.
Numbers don’t lie.
Well…my second poll is over and done with.
Which Toilet Would You Choose
1) The warm one (with lingering ass-cooties on it)
2) The unused one, with pee (or pubes) on the seat
3) I’d rather poo my pants
4) I’m a girl, I don’t poo
Some of you may ask:
1) “Why would you ask such a stupid f*cking question?”
2) “What’s wrong with you?”
3) “Shizzazz! Why are you so damn fine?” (I also appeal to gangstas)
Well…to my regular readers, you know there are a LOT of answers to those questions.
To everyone else, this idea came to me as I’ve spent the last two weeks wrestling with bouts of explosive diarrhea that could rival the blast at Hiroshima.
...at one point, I poo’d and a little mushroom cloud came out of the toilet.
…I’ve spent more time in the bathroom than George Michael and Senator Larry Craig on a date together.
As such, I’ve had lots of time and opportunity to contemplate this conundrum.
Which toilet should I choose?
Well…76 people voted…and here are their answers:
The warm one (with lingering ass-cooties on it)
The unused one, with pee (or pubes) on the seat
I'd rather poo my pants.
I'm a girl, I don't poo.
The unused one, with pee (or pubes) on the seat: 8 votes, 10% of total.
Before we discuss this…let’s look at third place…
I’d rather poo my pants: 11 votes, 14% of total.
...11 people out there would rather sh*t themselves then sit on a john with a short curly on it.
The only time I actually consider dropping a loaf in my briefs is when the hair on the toilet seat IS FACIAL HAIR.
SHAVE OVER THE F*CKING SINK.
If I wanted to sit on facial hair, I’d go to a f*cking gay bar.
I hope you slice your f*cking jugular, die in a puddle of blood in the handicapped stall, and have your corpse beaten by an angry mob of crippled lepers, as they violate you with their wheelchair joysticks.
The sink. Shave over the f*cking sink.
Thanks in advance.
(Ladies, if you have this same problem…you’re either in the wrong bathroom…or there’s a transvestite in your midst)
The warm one (with lingering ass-cooties on it): 19 votes, 25% of total.
Nice. This is also my choice.
Ass-cooties can be removed by simply licking the seat or rubbing your penis/vagina (or, for you hermaphrodites, your "penigina" or "vagenis") all over it while chanting “I like frozen pizza!!”
At least this is how I do it.
A warm seat seems to say:
“Hey, you’re not alone in having to poop today.
We’re all together in this crazy, mixed-up world.
We all share the same sky.
And some of us really had to sh*t like a f*cking horse. Wow…that thing is, like, two feet long. What the Hell did you have for dinner?”
I’m a girl, I don’t poo: 38 votes, 50% of total.
I KNEW IT.
Poo fairies ARE REAL.
Either that, or there are a lot of chicks out there that eat too many bananas.
Seriously ladies…try some goddamn fiber.
I’m just glad I’M not a girl.
I’d HATE to NOT poo. Really…I have no idea what I’d do with that three hours a day of free time I’d have.
Well…that’s ONE reason I’m glad I’m not a girl.
The other reason is having to put a penis in my mouth.
Fool me once, dad…shame on you….fool me twice…
Thanks for voting!! We’ll do this again some time.
Once I get off the crapper.
The warm one, of course.