Just doing some general housekeeping today.
And, I might add, I look friggin' awesome in this French Maid's outfit.
Although this feather duster is really killing my sphincter and I may be bleeding out.
You DUST with it.
Forget I said anything.
Item #1: Johnny has a great heart, but he's slower than shit
First, I have to mention that my buddy John is running the Boston Marathon once again for his niece, his father, and all people battling blood cancers.
To read John's story of why he's running, click here:
To donate to John's cause, click on the left of my blog, or click here.
To read your horoscope, click here.
To read about me shitting all over John when he couldn't break the four-hour mark of the Boston Marathon last year, click here.
Sometimes, friends are mean.
Here's the Instant Message session I had with him when I told him I was going to try to get him some money for his worthy cause.
midgetmanofsteel: hey douche
John: whats up
midgetmanofsteel: fyi - pimping your marathon run on Monday
John: thanks. you gonna shit on me again?
John: thanks. I appreciate it
midgetmanofsteel: what are friends for.
John: too bad I'm such a sensitive guy
midgetmanofsteel: they have sprays that will numb your anus for that.
Nothing like, "hey douche" to set the tone for the conversation with a friend who's running to benefit cancer research.
I'm a good friend.
(yes...that's one of mine)
As such, if you could blow him in lieu of a donation, I'm sure he'd appreciate it.
I'D run the marathon I could get that deal.
No I wouldn't.
Jesus H. Christ...I break a goddamn sweat when I go poop.
I can't imagine what would happen if I tried to run a marath...
..was typing pretty fast there and got winded.
Item #2: I'm Special in a small-bus way
Foster Mom to Many from over at "Postcards from Insanity" gave me an award.
By the way, 'Postcards from Insanity' would be a great name for a rock band.
Here's the award:
What the fuck is that? A lemonade stand?
How is that an award?
It's a picture of a cart where some illegal immigrant named "Guapo" gets paid to hawk salmonella infested lemons in Central Park because he forgets to wash his hands after he shits in his pickle jar.
Here's one from me for you guys out there...
...who go above and beyond with their blogs:
It's a fucking thimble.
Congratulations, you've earned it!
I'm kidding, Foster Mom...I'll post my lemonade stand with pride.
Just. Like. Guapo.
Item #3: But Wait...There's More!
It's fucking upside-down.
I had to turn my laptop over to read it.
On a related note:
Flicked boogers may dislodge from your keyboard when you flip it over.
Man - I hope they're mine.
Just a helpful tip there.
Apparently the award says:
"Fucking Fabulous Blog"
This will go nicely next to my lemonade stand.
Move your immigrant ass over, Guapo before I call the fucking INS on you, your 17 kids and their pickle jars full of shit.
Thanks in advance.
In all seriousness, though - thanks for the awards guys.
They mean a lot.
(I like to lie - it makes people feel better)
I'm supposed to follow some rules or shit about handing out these out to other people, but - as you may or may not know - I have my own award I give out:
So, without further ado...
Have a nice day.
I'm not giving any out today.
This post was long (that's what she said)...
...and now I'm all tired and sweaty.
Also, these boogers ain't gonna clean themselves off my desk.
Well..maybe this one over here.
It's moving on it's own.
Just. Like. John.
Go send him some money to help some really sick people.
He's a good guy.
You know...for a slow douche.
Monday, February 09, 2009