Elmo Really Sucks at Work | Mental Poo

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Elmo Really Sucks at Work

Just a quickie today.

Like I'm capable of anything else.

25 seconds is a long time, right?



* cricket

I believe I've digressed.

Some of my loyal readers may know that I sit in the same cube here at work with my friend, Kristin.

I call her my 'friend' because she has yet to show me her boobies which may or may not jeopardize that relationship.

On a related note:

Nothing in history was ever accomplished without taking risks.

Just sayin'.


We work with another woman in this group.

For the sake of argument, I'll change her name her to protect her identity.

Hereafter she shall be called:

Breastus Giganticus Titterrific Enormicus Boobie Rex (BGTEBR).

(Trademark pending)


Kinda rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it?

That's what she said.

Seriously...those things could fucking crush cars.

I would post pictures of her, but I won't in the interest of protecting her anonymity.

Plus, the ones I took while hiding in the girls' locker room came out all fuzzy.

Perhaps I've said too much.

BGTEBR actually has a cube right next to the one Kristin and I share.

She's never in it.

But these two are:


Elmo and a Teddy Bear.

How fucking precious.

But not for long.



I sit in the next cube.

Here's what they ended up looking like after the first five minutes of moving next door:


You know...

I always thought Elmo seemed a little light in the loafers.

These things stayed that way for about a week.

Until I noticed that she had moved them back.

Big Breasted Party Pooper.

(B-squared, P-squared)

I'm sure she knows it's me who did it.

But I'm not afraid.

As long as she keeps those giant cans away from my car, I should be okay.


The Peach Tart said...

You are quite the prankster....you gotta make work fun

Christina_the_wench said...

Big boob hater. We can't be friends any longer.

Sass said...

Is that the "tickle the back of my throat Elmo?"

That one's only available on eBay.


NJ Pigno said...

You might enjoy this- More fun with Elmo. Warning- contains explicit Elmo on Elmo action.


meleah rebeccah said...

I would never be able to make it through a work day if you were in the next cubical. I would spend the whole day laughing too much.

MJenks said...

All of my efforts have been for naught. Her name should be Breasta Gigantica Titterrific Enormica Boobie Regina.

rachaelgking said...

I vote you bring a third in.

Bob would probably like a piece of that...

FawkesFire said...

get a threesome going. add a stuffed rabbit or something. that being said...is this the lady you work with?


LBluca77 said...

Who would have thought Elmo was so dirty!

Olly said...

Hopefully she has a sense of humour, or she'll sick HR on you!

DouglasDyer said...

Right, like you've never experimented with interoffice cross-species homosexuality before. Puh-lease.

Coffeypot said...

Next time be fair. Pose them in a 69. You could also spread some mayo around the mouth, too.

shine said...

For some reason I haven't read your blog until today.

Um, hi. I think I might love you. "Elmo loves cock" is possibly my favorite label of all time.

Moooooog35 said...

Peach: Pranks..yeah..um...pranks.

I'm totally using that as my excuse for the video camera in the ladies' handicap stall meeting with HR tomorrow.

Sass: Funny...when I go to buy it, your email contact info comes up.

Mike: I do that already.

Oh. You mean with Elmo and the teddy bear.


Nano: Elmo on Elmo action?!

Must. Watch. Video...

I'm disturbed now.

Thank you.

Meleah: Yeah...you'd be laughing. Because I hear having a guy stare at you over your cube is simply hilarious.

Mjenks: Five of them with blue carpets.

Yeah..I have no idea what you're talking about, either.

LiLu: But, then..how would I ever be able to hold Bob again..knowing where he's..you know...BEEN.

As in Sesame Street.

Fawkes: Yay! Porn! Now you get me!

Lbluca: He has references from a weekend with Ernie and Bert.

Olly: Haha!




Good point.

Doug: If you're talking about the romantic weekend you and I shared, then I guess you're right.

Coffee: Mayo? Why? Is he eating a sandwich, too?


Got it.

Shine: First timer?

Shame on you, woman. FOR. SHAME.

But, there's something to be said for popping your Mental Poo cherry on an Elmo fellatio post.

If I ever figure out what I mean by that, I'll let you know.

Unknown said...

something similar happened to the lighted reindeer in my yard around Christmas time.

It *is* the season of giving.

Funnyrunner said...

LLOL. Giggled my whole way through this post. This reminds me of Avenue Q. Have you seen it? Puppets 69ing on broadway?

Swirl Girl said...

Thanks for the wicked laugh today! I needed this!

and to Sass's comment! LOLOLOLOLOL

Malicious Intent said...

I am curious...what IF she gets those giant cans next to your car? What then?

FawkesFire said...


Big Boobies+ Mooog - E=MC....divide by cup size....carry the 5......= "Very Happy Mooog!!"

do I get a Nobel Prize for Scientific Discovery for my research into the Male Brain? Just curious.

Kelly Ann said...

Here I thought Elmo was more dominant... lol

Malach the Merciless said...

Your Moms in my top 2

Christina_the_wench said...

I don't even get a response with the rest? Well I'm taking my boobs and going home now!

Moooooog35 said...

Stacie: ...what?! no pictures?!?!

Season of Giving, my ass.

Funnyrunner: Oh..man. I'm going to NYC on Saturday.

Should I bring condoms?

Swirl Girl: Sass IS something special.

In a small bus sort of way, but whatever.

MI: Then God help us all.

I'm not sure what I mean by that.

Fawkes: Sending your equation to Stephen Hawking now...

Lady: Nope. Elmo likes playing bitch.

Malach: I'm going to kill you.

Christina: Sorry...some things I overlook.

Like hygiene...and gay porn.

Susan said...

OK, why am I disturbed at the thought of watching you pose the Elmos thinking you were at it for quite some time to get them "just right"????

Deb said...

Will you come work where I do please? I'm sick of being the only Moooooog. I was at my job (dr's office) 1 month when asked to help put up X-mas decorations. I came across a Gumby-like Santa figurine - able to bend in all directions. I put him on the counter where patient's check out. Every day I would put Santa-Gumby in a new position: One hand in crotch/one hand up butt; both hands in crotch/legs up over his ears...I don't have to explain to YOU. The office manager would walk by every day and freak out demanding to know who did it. I was too new for anyone to suspect it was me. I work in an eye doctor's office and the patients are to blind to pick up on that sort of stuff.

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