Remembering Lexi | Mental Poo

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Remembering Lexi

Before I start today, my heartfelt apologies to those coming over from FunnyRunner's blog, LLOL.

She gave me an award stating that I'm a hilarious must-read.

Man...those folks are going to be sorely disappointed today.

May I suggest going back to last week...or previous posts this week...or wait til tomorrow.

Nice timing, FunnyRunner. Nice timing.

Here goes.

****************************

Lexi: Unknown birth date - July 21, 2009.


I'm sorry, folks.

But if you came here today looking for a laugh, or to get angry, or to get some weird pictures or such...

...you're in the wrong place.

At least for today.

And I'm not joking.

Feel free to move along to the next blog if this ain't your style...

Because I'm not feeling funny today.

At all.

You see:

I had to put my dog down this morning (by the time you read this, it will be yesterday morning)...

...so what you get today, if you continue to read, is my one, cathartic moment.

If you don't feel like reading it, I don't blame you. I had a hard time writing it.

But I need to write right now.

So, I'm writing.

After almost 500 posts, I'm giving myself this one.

I will return to my regularly scheduled hilarity as soon as I man up and get over this.

My apologies.

And now...my farewell letter to my dog, Lexi.

*********************

Dear Lexi,

This morning was hard.

It was much harder than I imagined it to be.

Because for the last 12 years you have driven me insane, cost me untold amounts of money in vet bills and boarding and food and pooper scoopers and dog cookies.

You've ruined my lawn and many spots on my carpet and hardwood floors.

But I wouldn't change a moment of it.

From the moment that mommy and I saw you in the shelter, we knew you were the one.

Even though they said you were 'mean' and would bite...

(which you did...and for some reason continued to do right up until the other night...seriously...it's a cookie...we're not going to take it away from you...you should know that shit by now)

...you came to us anyway and wagged your stupid little tail and pulled back your giant ears and was happy.


You were ours from then on.

I didn't think I would cry as much as I did when you sat last night and coughed and coughed and hacked and wheezed and your failing heart raced so fast that you tipped over and became helpless...to the point where you couldn't walk.

And there's nothing that would have stopped us last night from picking you up and bringing you to our room so you wouldn't feel alone...or sitting with you and patting you when you couldn't stand.

I miss you already.

I wanted to stretch out the time with you for one more day.

But I couldn't.

And I'm sorry.

I've often said that I was waiting for you to die. That you weren't worth the trouble. That you were a pain in the ass.

I'm glad I was able to tell you that I was sorry for that.

I didn't mean it. None of it.

People can be stupid. But you know that...you've been around me for 12 years. Imagine how mommy feels...she's been with me for 21.

But I didn't mean what I said.

I'm sorry, Lexi.

I'm sorry.

Picking you up and watching you in the car without the strength to stand and put your head out the window...heading to the vet knowing that you weren't coming home...was hard to push through.

And handing you over to the tech and kissing you for the last time and saying 'goodbye' was damn near impossible.

And I will forever regret not having the guts to go in and pat you and hold your paw while they put you to sleep.

I'm regretting it now and it's only been 5 hours since you left.

I'm so sorry.

I should have been with you.

I just couldn't watch you die.

Big man, eh?

Yeah. Big man.

So, I know you can't read and they probably don't have Internet access in dog heaven, but I needed to let you know all of this.

Daddy loves you.

Daddy misses you.

Daddy will never forget you.

Bye, Lexi.

And, thank you for being part of my life.

Love,

Your Daddy.

55 comments:

The Peach Tart said...

I'm so sorry. I know how much pain you are in. I had to put my 16 year old cat down last year. I still feel a hole in my heart. Big hugs to you.

Nicole said...

That's awful, I'm sorry. I had to put my dog of fifteen years down last week. It really is hard.

WWWebb said...

We put down our fourteen year-old border collie last year, and still think of her often.

Take solace in knowing that in time, the pain will fade, while the love will remain.

Mike said...

Four years ago I was with my childhood dog when we put her down. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She was with us for almost 16 years and it treasured every one of them.

I still miss her, I think I always will.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Snarky Mom said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs coming your way today.

justjp said...

My heart goes out to you my friend. I understand how an animal can really touch you. I just got my dog's name tattooed the other night, just to keep him close. Hang in there bro!

mnmtatgirl said...

I'm really sorry. Hope the kids are doing okay. That was the really hard part for me-dealing with the kids questions after.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry. The post was a beautiful tribute.

Admiral_John said...

Great, I come here for a chuckle and find this.

People that don't have pets can't imagine the pain a pet owner goes through when it's time to put a beloved family member down. I had to put our cat Opal to sleep several years ago and I was a wreck afterwards; we wrapped her in a towel from home and I scratched her ears while they put her to sleep, and she's buried in my back yard.

And in case you haven't read it, allow me to post this:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

My condolences to you and your family on your loss.

rondamarie said...

I've been there, I am sorry for your loss.

Blonde Goddess said...

Moog, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Our pets are not really just pets...they're our furry little babies. They become as much a part of our family as our children.
I know how painful it is to lose a furry child and my heart is breaking for you.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Dude. Sorry to hear this. Been there, it's not fun, but you made Lexi's life special.

moooooog35 said...

Thanks to everyone thus far, and to all who will follow.

My apologies for being a total downer - I wrote this yesterday shortly after putting her down.

I'm better now.

But I still can't poop.

I hope this is only a temporary side effect.

Funnyrunner said...

ohhhhh. I'm so sorry. That is so, so sad. I think in heaven dogs most certainly can read and there had better be internet access. Wonder what the difference between the web is in heaven and hell? hell: spam, porn (depending on your gender),pop-ups, etc.

I know what you mean about pretending not to love Lexi while she was with you - my husband pretends to be big tough guy who could take or leave our dog Sophie... but then intermittently I catch him telling her he loves her and giving her a kiss on her nose.

Dogs are SUCH members of the family.

'nuf rattling on. I'm sorry. Lexi sounds awesome.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

OMG! I'm SO sorry! I actually just cried at work... I feel like an idiot! I had to put my dog down over a year ago and it's so sad! Again, I'm SO sorry!

Winky Twinky said...

Aww Moooooog, I'm sorry..it really is a hard thing to go through. I'm sure she would want to lay close to you and give you doggie kisses... Deepest condolensces to you and your family.

Stacie's Madness said...

it's a tough thing to go through, *hugs* I am sorry you had to.

j.fro said...

I am sorry for your loss. I have had to put down two dogs that I have loved, and I don't expect this will make you feel any better, but I couldn't be in the room when their time came either.

I cherish the memories of Arthur and Alex that I have, and I am glad that the last one is not of them dying in my arms.

Anonymous said...

I think you did the right thing by posting this. And honestly, if someone happened upon your blog today, I think they'd see that there's a real person behind all of the posts.

And that's a good thing.

It takes strength to put yourself out there like this, and I'm glad you did.

Becky..AMHW said...

This post was not a total downer. It was lovely.

Mars said...

I am sorry for your loss. Sending warm thoughts your way.

Zan said...

*tears* I'm sorry, Moog...I can only imagine how hard this is for you. *hugs*

Ann said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to let go, I've been there twice already. People who don't have dogs just don't understand, they are not just a pet, they are part of your family and your life.

Kellie said...

Aw shit. You've got me tearing up here at work now. I know what you are going through (unfortunately) and it is so hard to deal w/ losing a little fur muffin. I'm so sorry.

Narm said...

You bastard - I was all set to write a touching comment and then you left a comment about not being able to poo. Now I feel like a prick for laughing at that.

Sorry for your loss, man. Sounds like you gave her an amazing home for 12 years - so don't feel like you were a coward or she didn't appreciate you.

CageQueen said...

That made me cry at my desk. :( Animals are family members!

FawkesFire said...

Moog,

sweetie, I know what you're going thru, and its never easy to make the choice to put your pets to sleep. Ever. I cried for each and every single one of my little treasured pets when they needed to be relieved of their suffering.

your little post reminded me of all the wonderful moments I had with my pets from my childhood. Thank you. I know it must have hurt so very much to go thru it....

But remember, you gave her a loving home for 12 years, and she got to play with you and torment you all at once for 12 fun years...you saved her from having her life ended so fast in the shelter. That was a wonderful thing you did for her and I'm sure she loved you for it....

my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss and I really hope your heart heals. Lots of love, hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Take care, okay?

FawkesFire said...

and I also forgot to add this...you're not a coward for not wanting to be there. you kissed her and let her know you loved her. and animals are pretty smart....I think there's a good chance she understood the things you couldn't say.

love ya, take care.

Deborah said...

So sorry to hear about Lexi. It's hard to have to let go of a beloved pet.

I loved reading you stories about her antics (the red poop, trailor trash neighbor lady, oh, so made me chuckle.) She had a wonderful home for 12 years, and after reading such a heartfelt letter, I know she felt loved. :)

As for the poop, the colon lady on TV wants you to take some Phillips Colon Health. That'll straighten you out. ;)

Feel better.

Chris said...

Trust me, she knew ... sorry you had to do this, I know how hard it is to say goodbye ...

Malach the Merciless said...

RIP Lexi

AD said...

:[

I wish dogs lived forever. Cats too.

I, too, am sorry for your loss of Lexi. It will be hard for a while, but you'll soon realize it was for the better.

& at least you knew it was coming, instead of her unexpectedly passing on, you know?

May she rest in peace, and frolick in the tall grasses of doggie heaven.

I know what it feels like to lose a pet. But I lost her unexpectedly when she was hit by a car.

I feel your sorrow, and I know you'll pull through.

Take as long as you need to recoup.

We have all the time in the world. And we're here, and listening.
:]

FawkesFire said...

and don't forget, we might come here for the laughs, but all of us that read your posts know you have a heart too. take as long as you need to feel better...and we'll all be here, listening if you need us. okay? take care!

Meat Sweats said...

I have never commented on your blog, though I have been reading it for quite a while now. You make me laugh all the time.

And today you made me cry. And that's ok, because I can see that you loved her so much. It's always good as an animal lover to know that other people feel the loss of a pet as much as you do.

I will anxiously be awaiting your next post, knowing it will be funny, because Lexi would expect nothing less from you.

Phillipia said...

I came here to laugh, but today you made me cry. I am sorry for you and Mrs. moog....remember the good times.

Lizzy J said...

Aw, dude. So sorry :(

moooooog35 said...

Wow.

Just.

Wow.

Thank you, everyone. All of you...especially the 'lurkers' who have come out of the proverbial closet to comment on this.

I'm better now.

I really am.

So...stay tuned..in a few hours, you get a wonderful, touching story of how my finger looks like an adult toy.

Batteries not included.

Malicious Intent said...

I am so sorry.
The hardest yet most loving thing we can do.

Christina_the_wench said...

I lost my dog last year so I feel you. I am really sorry.

*big hug*

Watch your hands, mister.

Just A Girl said...

Oh, dude, ouch. I had to put my dog down a few weeks ago (he was only 2, but he bit my neighbor's son) and it was one of the worst days of my life. They didn't give me the option to go with when they put him down, but I don't know if I could have anyway.

I'm so sorry.

Deb said...

So sorry about Lexi, but you gave her a wonderful life and she loved you for it. I cried harder when I put my dog Bagel the Beagle down, holding him as he gazed at me with those trusting eyes while the vet put the needle in his leg. I was by myself, kept my cool even when the vet gave me a hug, then I couldn't wear mascara for 15 days because I could not stop crying. Check out Jimmy Stewart's tribute to his dog Beau that brought Johnny Carson to tears:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUNJjIwlHk8

LiLu said...

Big, fat, grandma hugs.

Also, I'm crying. Thanks, asshole.

Love ya, buddy.

Poetry Sue said...

Hey Rod... I cried when I read this. Losing that special dog is hard. Thank you for sharing with us, it reminds us that no matter what we're all a bunch of big softies

LBluca77 said...

Oh moog I am so sorry about Lexi. I teared up reading this. It's never easy dealing with a death of a pet, i've been there.

I'm sending you lots of hugs and ass slaps.

ettarose said...

Well, now you have done it. You made my heart hurt. Funny thing is, it made me love you all the more. You were an awesome dad to that cool member of your family. Lexi always knew how much she was loved.

Collette said...

Beautiful tribute. I'm sure she's watching over you now with her newfound friends telling them what a great daddy you were. And all the hell she gave you.

CatLadyLarew said...

Hickory the Wonder Dog and I send our condolences. It's so hard losing a trusty canine friend. Here's to Lexi having fun romping again in doggy heaven. She'll be missed.

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

wow - that was a beautiful letter. it made me cry in front of my kids on a happy sunny day. damn you. seriously though, i'm so sorry for your loss.

PkmnTrainerJ said...

Rod, having lost my childhood dog within the last few years I know much this must be tearing you up.

Sorry I've taken a while to comment, I just wanted to get the right words out.

You'll be alright eventually, but reading your story about Lexi reminded me of Toby and made me start to well up.

You must have really loved Lexi, and I am truly sorry for your loss.

meleah rebeccah said...

But you ARE a hilarious must-read.

And Im terribly sorry to hear this news. My heart goes out to you.

FawkesFire said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
FawkesFire said...

FawkesFire said...
dude, I know this is kinda late to be posting this.......but do you think in Doggie Heaven, around some weird doggie campfire, Lexi will be telling the story of having red poop from what you fed her? just wondering. I mean she was YOUR dog after all....the ability to tell poo related stories might have rubbed off on her......

DeLi_ZaL said...

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Gauche said...

it's kinda delayed, but having read the story of your new puppy, I decided to write this and hope you might read this later.

Moog, having to deal with the loss of a pet is a tough thing. I've had to put quite a few pets down myself from childhood into adulthood and its never a easy thing. Nobody will ever think lesser of you for saying you miss your dog. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I wish you luck and joy with your new furry family member and hope you gift us with wonderful new stories about Sophie.

and thanks for being a stand up gentleman and going to a shelter to get your new dog. People often times over look the poor animals there who desperately need a loving home.

steff said...

dude, this seriously made me cry. im at work now so i was doing my best to hold it all together but by the end of the post i started to feel like i might puke with emotion.
in a good way.
if its even possible to puke in a good way.
Lexi sounds like one hell of a lucky and loved dog.

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